One child has inherited AGAIN

18 and 24

He's absolutely right.

As soon as you enter a second relationship, lines are drawn. Sometimes this happens in nuclear families also, but not normally when children are minors (mercifully). But not at all uncommon when they're adults.

Your DH has no 'right' to your first child. You both share 'rights' to your second child. Your decisions have to be made keeping both in mind at all times, doing right by both. Your DH is only looking out for his child, and from what you've posted you're trying to compensate for this by looking out all the more for your first child. It's understandable - but wrong. They both deserve the same. It so happens that your second child is getting what the first is getting + some more - that's life.

Your second child's financial situation is not the business of your eldest child. This isn't a "secret". It's confidential information. There's an enormous difference between keeping something secret and keeping it private. Your elder child has no right to the information about his brother's inheritance. And it absolutely is NOT your right to tell him, whatever your motivations may be. And honestly, if I were your DH's family, I'd be sharing zero information with him in case he told you and I absolutely wouldn't be sharing it with you directly. I understand your intentions are the best; but you can't seem to lift your head above your emotions and see straight.

This is nothing to do with you. Beyond feeling delighted at the advantage your second son has received, and somewhat concerned that your first son might feel a bit miffed, there's no call for you to have any opinions about anyone else or anything else. It's none of your business. If your youngest son is over 18, it's already none of your business. Seriously. Don't go looking for drama where there is none!

So you would go into a home and give one child a present and not to the step-child?

The thing is OP you've been massively elusive when asked outright several times...
A) How much money?
B) Age of the kids? (or even young/teens)

If we're talking like 100k it'll give the youngest a bit of a leg up with 1st car/property ladder. But it's not exactly enough to generate a playboy lifestyle.

What I was trying to say when I responded to your first post is if op did talk to her younger son and encourage him to share she may use emotional blackmail without realising. I don't think the op could handle a disagreement with her son if he doesn't want to share. She is too emotionally invested and for good reason of course that's why she needs to back away.

You have no.clue what kind of.future or opportunities your children will have.

I made money in my 20's off being thin and pretty. One of my brothers has a good business sense and made some investments that made him a multimillionaire by 45.

You are making this difficult by focusing on the money.

I think you need to see a therapist and figure out where this obsession comes from.

you crass tramp.

25 years ago, yes. Not so much nowadays unfortunately.

So what would be achieved by telling him, other than potentially causing bad feelings between the brothers that could easily have been avoided? I honestly don't understand why the OP would do this or why anyone would encourage her to

I’d be sad too @EWAB and while I know it’s not the done thing on MN, my DSD does stand to inherit x2 because both sets of step parents and step grandparents do see her as family. Not everyone treats “blended” family members like the next door neighbour, especially if they’ve been in their lives from very young. My parents couldn’t treat DSD more like a granddaughter if they tried and her stepdads parents are exactly the same. These threads always make me feel really lucky.

I wouldn’t hide anything from anyone and would have open and honest conversations with your boys, assuming both are old enough to understand the logistics of the inheritance and what they are both likely to receive in the future. The one who is inheriting might help his brother out and even it up a bit or even suggest that you leave his brother more to make it closer to equal. And if not, at least both will know that you weren’t aware and have done all you can to give them as good and as similar a life as possible.

The people who get in an uproar about this are mothers who have children with different fathers. They want their children to be treated exactly the same because they feel bad when their children are treated differently. But they can't force unrelated people to treat those children as equal to them simply because they are not. The OP can feel hurt all she wants, but step and half-siblings who aren't misled to think that everyone will treat them equally aren't going to be shocked when their step/half siblings get different things.

It’s always money isn’t it.

If the youngest son had a not deadly and invisible medical condition people wouldn’t be saying the older sibling must know. But when it’s money it’s not fair, they must know, no secrets.

Yeah so little bro.. big bro got clap 🤣. Somethings don’t need sharing as it’s not their business. It doesn’t affect their own life. It’s not other people’s info to share.

You classy person, good comeback

I agree it is up to the younger son. I've said the money belongs to the younger son. I haven't suggested talking to the older son about it at all.

🤣

And that’s your theory^

Why would he feel betrayed because his mother didn’t share his brother’s personal information? it isn’t her information to share, and not something he has a right to know.

The youngest could very well feel betrayed if she told her eldest, and what about the damage that could cause to her relationship with him? The damage it could cause to the relationship between the brothers? The damage it could cause to the relationship OP has with her partner?

For the love of God - why would the non blood child feel slighted if his mother and step father equally left all the children equal shares?

the disparity would only be that the younger son received more from his paternal extended family.

Those that choose to have multiple children with multiple men must surely have considered this?

Sorry @HowdyDoody2025 the first paragraph is quoting Boggins, not my own words, but for sone reason didn’t highlight

I genuinely don't mean this in a horrible way - this is one of the risks with blended families. You will have biological children who inherit differently. It's also a general risk with inheritance - people can leave money to whoever they like and may do that unfairly. I've heard of biological siblings inheriting unequally. You say your partner refuses to change your wills but you do have your own individual will. If you hold a share in your family.home as a joint tenant rather than survivorship you could always have your own will written to only benefit your eldest and write and expression of wishes letter explaining to your youngest why you did this in an effort to even things out.

Both the sons are adults. The OP doesn't have the right to discuss her adult son's financial business with anyone.

My mum left a will and my brother assumed I wasn't in the will. My brother wouldn't tell me if he had the chance. I stand by what I said it's up to the ops son to tell his older brother. No one else should make that decision. It's bordering on coercion.

I've not read the full thread as there are a lot of posts. It must be difficult OP knowing that potentially your children will have such a stark difference in lifestyles. The only thing you can really do to ofset it is to leave all or the majority of your own estate to your child who doesn't inherit.

But it’s nots the ops, her husbands or her other child’s business frankly.

If he inherited from his granny and granny’s brother at 25 there would be no need for anyone to know. It’s his money. His finances. He will be an adult when he gets the money.

Id feel betrayed if someone who had zero right was telling people my funds when it’s not their business. They are not his financial advisors not trust holders. It’s not his half brothers info to know.