Would you stop your child going on this trip?

This has been and gone… move on now

Your idea of "caring" is extremely skewed from the norm by your anxiety.

It's going to be nerve-wracking, of course it is. But yes, I feel you're wise to let him go, under the circumstances. You're all to well aware that nothing in life is without risk, but you've made a very sensible assessment. Hope he has a great time.

Good for you!

I also feel extremely anxious about things like this, but try very hard to overcome my fears and let my children go on trips. I’d rather wrap them up and never let them go anywhere. I know it’s not healthy & I try hard to not them know how I feel.
You’re not alone, op. I hope you manage to get help for your anxiety.

No. You use your brain. You have entirely missed the point. The poster was saying if something happened to your child and you had prevented that child from living a fulfilling enjoyable life because of your own anxiety, you would probably feel pretty bad about that.

One of our jobs as parents is to gradually give them age-appropriate freedom and age-appropriate experiences (including age-appropriate risk). It’s a really hard job, as our instinct can be to ‘keep them safe at all costs’ - but however much our children are our world, we fail them if we let our fears deny them preparation for independence.

YABU, if she’s rich she’ll have a safe car.

I think that you need to have support to manage anxiety, I mean this kindly as this journey is fine and your anxiety will rub off on him.

Yes it's cold but there are no weather warnings. It's just a 2 hour drive and they aren't even doing it in one go.

He'll have a lovely time. Perhaps ask him to allow you to track him via findmyphone/life360. You'll only have to one hour at a time. Or relax with a glass of wine :-)

It's not a pointless trip if it's to celebrate a birthday. The point is to celebrate the occasion together in the way they want.

They're travelling with an adult, presumably experienced, driver and going on main roads. They're not even doing the full trip in one go if they're stopping en route, and 120 miles wouldn't even be that big a trip to do in one go.

What specific weather is concerning you? It's cold, but not dangerous to travel in a warm car. There's some frost and ice, but main roads will be gritted and mostly clear of ice due to the amount of use they'll get. Unless there are specific weather warnings covering the route, it's hard to see why a competent driver can't manage fairly short trips on reasonably well-maintained roads.

Make sure he's got his phone and a portable charger, get him to put on location sharing for the trip if you need that, and tell him to text you when he arrives at his destination. If need be, tell the mum driving that you're feeling anxious and ask her to let you know when they arrive where they're going.

@Mindedmy my son is now driving, so I have that mum worry. When we were talking about driving this week with the various weather warnings in place, we didn't just talk about his driving we talked about the impact on others. So with the local main road where hundreds were stranded for many hours, many rescue organisations had to be deployed to help these people. Would it not have been better for most of those drivers not to be there. If they had heeded the weather warnings and stayed at home if they could, it would have made lives easier for other people. Some of the motorists were interviewed, they didn't work in life and death jobs, they had been going out for a drive to some scenic tourist area and thought they could beat the weather warning! So I would not be encouraging my son to see it as an adventure but I would be asking him to think about would it be a risk for him, but also for others.

I think YABU to say no but YANBU to be worried. It’s hard being a parent of an older teen (I also have one) because you need to let them do all sorts of things and become independent when ideally you want to keep them safe with you all the time.

It’s important to let him do things though. This is a very small risk and he will miss out on lots of fun if you say no. He’s nearly an adult.

But why would you? It's hardly an extreme undertaking. Do you keep your teens home wrapped in cotton wool so that nothing could possibly happen to them?

In fairness 16 is still a child so op has the right to say no. However, it would be silly in this situation as this is her anxiety talking imo. The main roads are clear right now.

It really depends on where in the Country you are referring to.
120 miles must be about my home to Bristol, dual carriageway then motorway.

Any snow that was around had cleared by yesterday ? we had some snow on Weds eve.

It's gone up to 8c thru the day today.

In 2 years time your son will legally be an adult, could well be driving and may well have his own car....

Yes but at 16, they would find this an adventure and a tale to share with with friends as well an experience to live by when they are themselves driving. They won’t suffer any long term harm by being stranded for a few hours (unless they have medical conditions?)
weather is not forecast to be dangerous. The mam is sensibly taking a stop over (presumably if the weather turned she would sensibly make other plans.

As a parent, I’m afraid you’ve signed up to a lifetime of worry and apprehension! If it wasn’t this, it would be something else - going to house parties, first time abroad with mates, driving after passing their test, going off to University. The trick is to feel the fear and let them do it anyway, hopefully with your blessing. We have to take the hit for our anxiety. It’s not fair to pass it on to them. They’re just growing up, as they should. You can’t cocoon them.

I have to say, a well-planned trip of a couple of hours with a friend’s parent driving, with a break included, sounds like one of the least risky escapades ever! I know what it’s like, I have 3 dc now in their 20s and have done plenty of catastrophising and experienced much gnawing anxiety in my time, but you can’t let that stop them, or you, living.

“It’s an unnecessary and pointless journey”
But it isn’t pointless though is it? It is a birthday treat for his friend. The friend and his mam like him enough to invite him , that is so nice for your son. In big city there will be plenty of options. Mostly they just want to hang out in the city.
There is often media and mumsnet posts about flaky generations who drop out of arrangements at the last minute. These flaky people don’t hold to jobs/friends.
YABU weather will be cold, minor roads icy first thing and last thing but otherwise , normal winter weather. Do you hibernate all winter?

If you drop down dead that can’t be prevented. This can. Use your brain.

@Autther there were some people stuck on main roads near us for about 5 hours in the snow the other day, so I would have had something to say if the trip was scheduled with a similar weather forecast

Its fine. Roads are fine. Its just winter!

It's fine honestly. I'd let my 16 year old daughters go without any fuss

Do you think maybe you’re worried because you don’t know if the driver is a great driver and up to the trip or not? I think it’s fair enough to be worried if that’s the case. Not necessarily to the point of not letting your son go but I understand. If it’s someone who drives back and forward to the shops and they’re suddenly going to do a really long drive then I’d probably worry too. I had a friend once who drove us back from the coast one day. Her driving was so bad, she nearly got us killed and I actually got out of the car at the nearest train station. She’s still ‘driving’ but not with me in the car. I think if the driver is competent, and I’d like to think they wouldn’t want to undertake a long journey if they weren’t, then all you can do is say yes but if I thought they weren’t up to it I’d have concerns too.

Honestly Mumsnet seems of people who get in a tizz over normal seasonal weather. Happens in summer too. Bonkers.

Your child and your decision?? This young man is 16!