Hi,
This upset me today and I suppose I'm asking whether I'm being unreasonable for thinking that it's OK to work even though you don't absolutely, 100% HAVE to.
It was a difficult drop off at nursery today because my son is unwell (he's 14 months) and I work from my parents' house.
I mentioned that it's hard being a parent today where most households need a dual income just to sustain themselves. My mother told me that the main reason most households are dual income now is because they 'expect so much out of life, whereas in the 50s people were happy with what they had' (or words to this effect). Apart from the plethora of issues that the 1950s carried, which she agreed was true, I argued that most households could survive on one income fairly comfortably because housing wasn't as expensive as it is today, compared to the salaries that people make. Nowadays it's very hard to get a mortgage with one income, especially if you haven't had money gifted to you. And if you rent, that a crazy cost too. She argued it was the same as in the 1950s, except people didn't 'expect to go on holiday every year or go out for fancy dinners, and were happy with their little house that wasn't that great.' I told her that as a family, we would bloody love 'a little house that wasn't that great' - please can she show us one that we can afford on my husband's salary alone, like people did in the 50s?
She then told me that if we really wanted to, we could move into something like that and I could be a stay at home mum, but that we want to live in a 'fancy area' so don't. She told me we'd be able to afford a house on just my husband's salary if we lived outside London. Not true, but the main thing that irked me was the implication that I'm working my (genuinely low paid) job because we want to live a luxury lifestyle/won't 'lower ourselves' to a cheaper area. She even said that she'd have been prepared to move to the other side of the country if it meant she could stay at home with her children instead of going to work.
What also irks me is that I can see where she's coming from - in theory if we moved to Derbyshire or somewhere very far away we could potentially buy a house and I wouldn't technically have to work. It feels as if my mother is saying that it's not OK to not want to do that - as a parent you have to make every sacrifice in order to stay at home with your child. Even if it means giving up all your family's support around you/living in a place you're unfamiliar with. On a personal note, my husband is visually impaired and unable to drive, so moving out of a city is also very difficult for us transport-wise, but I feel like we shouldn't have to justify ourselves with this??
I know she'd just tell me that she was giving her opinion and I shouldn't be so sensitive about it, but am I being unreasonable to think that it's OK to work in order to not have to give up almost everything in your life? Or is the most important thing staying at home with your child?