People who think mat leave is a holiday

Both my DC slept well and I had a great time on my mat leaves. They were a holiday for me.

Going back to work and juggling school/nursery runs was 100 times harder. There was no wfh at that time and you couldn’t take too much time off ‘sick’. My DD caught everything in the first year of nursery including chicken pox. I think I spent at least 2 years constantly ill myself.

Everyone’s experience is different though so I wouldn’t take your colleagues comment to heart or let it stop you from going on more nights out. From his point of view you’ve chosen to have kids and are now having paid time off work - that is living the dream for a lot people.

@Cornflakes44 - no toddler, so fully expect my second mat leave to be harder in many ways. But overall it's hell dealing with a 3 hour commute round commute a day and both of us doing 4/5 days in the office in London as well as juggling child care and the constant nursery illness and absence this winter, so while I know it will be harder I'm looking forward to being able to just concentrate on mothering rather than spreading myself so thin with a full time job too. Also I'm privileged enough to be able to afford to keep my toddler in nursery during my Mat leave so that will definitely help the stress levels. I do also think this is lifestyle choice though so you do just have to crack on with it. It's an absolute privilege to have this opportunity.

For what it's worth though, I had zero help during Mat leave and my husband was out 7am-8pm every day for work so I was entirely on my own so not just being a dick and completely 'oh mat leave is a wonderful experience' even though I just had one. I also had fertility issues and ivf for many years so I think I also spent a lot of the year just in awe I had reached the stage of being able to have a mat leave.

Obviously it's no walk in the park bringing up a baby but I do personally agree it felt like a lovely holiday/break from the rigid structure of work. I spaced my kids out so for each one I was alone with the baby (eldest in reception by the time second came along) so I didn't have to content with multiple small children which would have made it much more tricky! I adored my mat leaves and was so gutted to have to go back full time in each case.

It’s clumsy and a bit of an old fashioned type comment but I really don’t get why you’re so worked up by it. Having had a reflux baby, me having to go back into hospital a week after birth and a baby that had an operation at only a couple of months old I can still say it was far better than being at work. Of course it’s hard, unbelievably at times but in comparison to most jobs I’d argue it’s living the dream. I really like my job and what I do but given the choice between that and spending time with my family it’s not even close.

Wow, I don't know how you found 3 under 3 and a baby with reflux easy. It just shows how we are all so different and find different things hard/easy.

I completely bought into the idea that maternity leave should be easy so I was utterly shocked when it turned out to be so difficult! I didn't have an 'easy' job either so it's not like I was used to having it easy. The relentlessness of it all and the loneliness was awful.

When I was younger I planned to write novel while on mat leave.
Obviously that didn't happen.
You live and learn!

Shared Parental Leave isn't perfect, but it's a great tool if you're still on maternity leave. DH took a month when I went back to work and it was brilliant for all of us.

Yep absolutely loved it both times! Juggling work and childcare has been WAY harder

YY to paternity as well. I wish we had more paternity leave in the UK - my DH was amazing during his two weeks leave (and really misses his time with DS now).

Maternity ( and paternity) leave is essential to a civilised society. It's not a holiday, even though many think it is.

I had this from a female colleague before I went on mat leave. She said she thought women who decided not to have children should also have ‘time off’ to read and garden and potter around, etc.

My midwife described mat leave as still work but a different kind of work to what most of us are used to, and it can take some adjusting to. It might be time off from your paid job, but it’s not time off work all together.

He's an ignorant twat.
You will soon get a bunch of posters saying it was your choice to have children though.

YANBU OP.

Go to the other night out if you want, just ignore him.

Those first six months on my first (silent reflux) was the hardest period of my life, and I've been through plenty of other shit. The lack of sleep was soul destroying as was the complete lack of downtime.

My second was a little ray of sunshine who slept in reasonable stretches from the off. She was born during lockdown, my parent was dying and I had a toddler and it was still easier. Perhaps if she'd been my first I'd think maternity leave was a holiday, but in truth I think I would've struggled with the adjustment no matter how easy the baby.

Yeah, me too. I did think it was easy though compared to working. I had three under three including a reflux baby who screamed all night (luckily my first). It was great. Its not like if you go to work you don't have to do all the child and home care stuff. You still have to do all that plus a full time job with commute.

Did you also have a toddler? I think that's the game changer when it comes to how easy mat leave is. If you have a chilled baby who naps it can be pretty easy time but chuck a three year old in and a needy baby and it's a nightmare.

My father in law makes comments like this. He's never looked after a child in his life, his wife did everything while he worked and played golf.

Ah come on OP- are you really going to let some throw away comment from someone who really has no insight into parenthood bother you for weeks on end and stop you from joining in on catch ups with colleagues- really?

Take it for what it was, either some clumsy attempt to make conversation or the words of someone who hasn't a clue what they are talking about.

Let it go and live your life without the words of some man taking up space in your head.

And you know what, maybe you are living the dream? Two healthy kids, paid maternity leave, a job to go back to. Yeah it's tough going but it's still what you wanted I presume, so in a way you are living your dream. No-one said it had to be easy!

As you will see on this thread, people's experiences of maternity leave can be vastly different. If you have a difficult baby that screams constantly and won't sleep and other young children too then this is going to be infinitely harder than someone with one 'easy' baby that sleeps and eats well. It can literally be like night and day. Hence some women will back the man's comments and find maternity leave easier than working and other people will find it the hardest time of their lives.

Yes, it’s an ignorant comment and not true but to still be dwelling on it several weeks on kind of implies you have a lot of time on your hands to think, or that you like bearing a grudge.

90% men are disgusting

Though to be fair. I wouldn't like a childfree MAN to be calling it a holiday without understanding what's involved. That would piss me off

GP, and if he comments put him well and truly in his place.

Finally enjoying the family I was so desperate for after years of fertility treatment. And compared to the years of high pressure approaching burnout in my career, being off with a child felt like a genuine break. Every circumstance is different though, and I wouldn’t expect others to feel the same!

Yes to be fair there were days I literally couldn't believe I was getting paid to hang out in a coffee shop with my friend or binge watch a tv show while breastfeeding for 4 hours in a go. I almost felt guilty at times. I also managed to do a bit of travel and it was incredible. Obviously there were hard, long days but overall I just felt it was a lot more fulfilment, easier and nicer than work. I'm pregnant with my second and literally counting down the weeks to not bother with work again (I have found coming back so tedious and pointless and I really couldn't care less about some of the work my boss seems so passionate about). Also the juggle of work AND baby is about 10x harder than just being on mat leave where you have one job. Now it feels like I have 2 full time jobs

But I do have a high stress, corporate city job with high pay and high expectations if that makes any difference.