People who think mat leave is a holiday

Sorry but saying its a job is wrong... its life, you choose this life so stop comparing your challenging days to other people's challenging days. They are working and not handling a refluxy baby, sure, but who knows what they deal with when they walk through the door at home. Who's to say their lot is easier than you because you have a baby (that you chose) and they don't.

I've loved my maternity leave. I'm sure it's more tough with 2 but with 1 it's been a dream. Sure he doesn't sleep all that well but I know a lady who had to return to work at the 4 month mark due to money issues, she also has had sleep issues but has a full time job, commute and nursery issues to deal with. I'm here just baking, going on walks and playing with my baby.

Maternity leave is a break from your normal job. It's not nine months in the Maldives, and it's not easy, but it's still time off work and the stress that can come with it, and for good reason. If maternity leave were not the preferred option, everyone would go to work and pay for childcare, even those who receive statutory maternity pay.

However, I too found his comments unnecessary. They come from a jealous, misogynistic place, which is the problem. He is a complete bellend, and it's clear what type of person he is from his comments, so please ignore him. Dwelling on it is having the effect he intended, and why he and others like him make such comments. You will never change his views; you can only pity him and his rose-tinted view of the world and raising children.

Please embrace and enjoy your maternity leave, which you deserve and are entitled to. It goes so fast, and you will be back to work before you know it!

Same. I had 2 babies in 2 years and I called my mat leaves my 'baby holidays'. It was tiring and hard at times but I still had a great time.

Same here. I did many things I couldn't during a work day. Coffees, running errands at less busy times, summer days in the park, off-peak gym, a hair appointment when everyone else is at work...
Child-rearing is challenging, but maternity leave was a fairly good time compared to juggling work and...

Parts of each of my maternity leaves were a dream, parts were difficult. I remember being pretty flabbergasted when a midwife in the first fortnight of having my newborn (who was a terrible terrible sleeper and had lots of issues with feeding) asked if I was okay as it was so hard, and I pointed out I was only looking after one child whereas at work I had 30 children, many of whom were very challenging, and who I also had to teach things too. There was just no comparison. I'm sure that's similar for many jobs.

Equally, some days with a newborn and a toddler, during COVID, were fairly awful. Even little things like finding a trolley with working straps for both chuldren used to frustrate me so much, especially because it felt like a frustration primarily for women. It's hard to compare it to work because it's just so different.

Depends on how hard your job is and how easy the baby is. But I think for most people I know, maternity leave does feel like a bit of a holiday compared to the pressures of work (albeit a sleep-deprived one).

I had very difficult babies who didn't feed well and didn't sleep, but at least while I was still on maternity leave I could take things at my own pace with them.

It was much harder when I went back to work and was still feeding a small baby and not sleeping ... while having to be up and out at the crack of dawn to get the baby plus toddler to nursery. And then get myself to work looking vaguely presentable and trying to do a good job as well.

I also didn't think of having babies as a job
When mine were born in the 70s and 80s maternity leave was 6 weeks after birth..I saved some money so I could afford to take 3 months off. It also had to be accrued, which took several years. When ex H worked days I worked nights. Same with second DH and baby 4. I wasn't expecting to have to return to work at 3 months after having her, but ex H had left me with huge debts, and second h was made redundant and debts appeared from ex wife.

I wasn't lonely because I was out every day at some sort of baby group with lots of other mums to socialise with. Reflux baby was the first so only had that one keeping me up all night. Also had a terrier who was the hardest work of the lot 😀

OP, you are in a hard stage now and this thread will not help. It will get better pretty soon.

Well it is a sort of holiday in that's a break from work.

Yes it can be exhausting and relentless and all that but it's very different to the mental pressure of work and having to show up and be responsible to other people in a way you can get into trouble for not doing.

Doesn't sound like a comment work taking on board really.

If you're finding it tough then I can see why it hit a nerve, but I do think you're being oversensitive. I adored mat leave and very much viewed it as a holiday. He's possibly childfree or his partner maybe had an easier time of it - he's not to know it isn't like that for you.

The thing is, when mat leave finishes, you still have the kids. So working child free is obviously easier than working with primary responsibity for kids. Having kids on mat leave I find easier than having kids and working. But I have easy kids and a hard job, other people have different strengths!

That was how I felt about it. I really enjoyed it. Joined local clubs etc. Obviously other people have different experiences but mine was great. Not all sunshine and flowers but mostly.

I think that this is a general joke that people say when women go off on mat leave though. I doubt he meant it vindictively

Tbf, you are living your dream are you not? You wanted a child and you want to be on maternity leave to care for them. As understanding as I am of the hard work involved in caring for small children (I had three- it's tough) it's something we choose to do instead of our jobs for a time, we are not forced into it and I'm not sure we should expect our colleagues to see it as 'work' in the way they think of their paid jobs. Your colleague spoke out of turn, but that doesn't justify hoping his future child suffers problems.

You're reading too much into it

You don't have to work tomorrow do you.
I would never consider looking after my child work.
Yes sure it doesn't mean you don't have to be back by a good time or whatever but you're letting this bother you far too much

I meant opened his legs

I had 2 children 2 years apart, so I returned from Mat leave the first time in feb 2021 and left again for Mat leave in august 2022. So not completely back to back but pretty close.

When I returned after my second Mat leave, I was standing in a 3 me and two younger lads in there 20's one I'd never met before and the new lad asked me if I was new, and I said no I've just come back of Mat leave and the other lad who knew me from before turned round and went, her second Mat leave in 2 years she's shooting them out, and opened his news and made a repeated dropping motion with his hand gesturing babies flying out of me if you can imagine that. Gross.

I was shocked and actually pretty mad, I just said I actually had a c-section both times but thanks for that. I never reported it at the time, which was stupid because we work in a supermarket and where we were standing was right infront of a camera so it would have been recorded, I still don't like him.

You're not working, you're parenting.

If you want mothers back in the workplace- and we do because we don't have enough tax payers- it would be wise to not sneer at maternity leave or call it a privilege. It's a necessity.

I mean...it sort of was a holiday for me. I had worked full time for 20 years with the usual amount of annual leave every year, half of which gets used up for necessary tasks, a quarter for family and weddings, and then a summer holiday abroad. I never ever had a day off just to be at home or pottering around, let alone a week, or a month or six months. Maternity leave was amazing to me - just walking through the park on a Tuesday at 11am, or not having to run out the door on a bitterly cold morning in the dark.

I loved having that time off. It was much easier than full time work, and I can absolutely see why someone who has worked full time for twenty years and is looking at another twenty with no break would see it as a good deal. Especially if they haven't had a baby or dealt with the juggle of returning to work, nursery etc.

Depends on the job and depends on the baby obviously. But if you're used to the pressure of a corporate job or something like the emergency services and you have an easier baby I can absolutely see how it feels like a holiday.

I have a friend like that. Her normal job is the stereotypical high pressure, long hours, juggling multiple demands, commuting and travelling all over the place type of role but she says her two maternity leaves have been an absolute dream in comparison.

Of course if you job is less pressured and your baby has high needs then it will feel very different.

I'd probably be pissed off at a man saying that but I did feel like it was an extended holiday, it was great!

I'd never refer to parenting as a job or work, it sounds like it's under duress and an obligation rather than a choice.

Yes same for me. It wasn't always easy but in comparison to my normal job which is incredibly demanding and stressful it really was a dream!