People who think mat leave is a holiday

This!
As a working mum, I have found some SAHM's quite judgemental
"you returned to work when they were how old!!!" (Look of shock and horror at me returning when 14 months old)
"my priority is my children rather than my career" -mine is too love, but children need and house and food, and the best one
"does your husband not earn enough that you can't stay at home, you have to work, you poor thing"

We are all 'full time mums', they don't have another mum who takes over halfway through the week, it's not a jobshare type of thing 🤣

I also envied everyone who had got ready at the office and walked across the road vs me who was doing my hair during the 9am morning nap, second nap choosing between my own nap as I was exhausted or making food and finding an outfit.... then he only napped for 20 min late afternoon so had no time to get ready. Was sick on my first outfit and couldn't find anything else to wear. Rocked up 3 hours after everyone else. Was watching the clock wondering how much sleep I might get before the hourly wakes kicked in.

Yes, but this time next year you may be doing the next run first, the day in the office, and then still clock watching before hourly wakes kick in (mine both slept better when young & even during the 4m regression, than a year later). Then back to the office first thing on 3 hours broken sleep rather than a day at home with naps.

Rubbish sleep is tricky, but I also found maternity leave 'living the dream'. For my first, it really was like a holiday! Even with newborn sleep, snatching naps in the day meant I got much more sleep than in my stressful job. Second time around, I was more tired but it was still one of the best and easiest times of my life. Even with a colicky, bottle refusing insomniac.

He was still being an idiot though.

I was thinking that too. Along with the comment 'I got the impression that she thought .....'. So she was a mindreader then, it's very likely that DH colleague had absolutely no thoughts about this lady at all, I'm sure she had much better things to think about, being 'career driven' and all!

How like a man to comment so confidently on a subject he knows nothing about.

He sounds like a bit of a turd but I think stewing about it weeks later and avoiding another meet up, is a bit much.
People say stupid things all the time. You need to learn to let go and just live your life.

My mat leave was a dream. I got to sleep in, lazy teas everyday, walks, the beach, breweries with the baby. Yes I had to wake up a few times during the night for a while, but I didn’t find that all that difficult. I would call it a vacation compared to working everyday.

I thought mat leave would be a holiday, even bought a language course convinced I would finally have time to learn a second language. Well I got a bit of a shock but I try to remember it when people make comments like that, if you don’t know then you don’t know.

My second lot of mat leave was so completely blighted by a difficult baby and horrendous PND that I probably would have had a breakdown at those types of comments though but again if you haven’t experienced it then you don’t understand so just let it wash over you and ignore.

The first maternity leave did feel a bit like a holiday to me (the first month before the baby was born) and for the last 6 mths of it. Ok there days when I was tired but nothing like being tired and having to work all day.

The second maternity leave was nothing like a holiday due to the activity and schedule of DD1 and also looking after a newborn. I was happy to go back to work!

Well my babies were really difficult and didn’t sleep well but I still had to deal with that when I went back to work. Mat leave was a holiday in comparison to juggling childcare, work, housework etc. all the chores, food prep etc still needed doing but in less hours. Plus trying to get my baby brain to function at work. Hardest years of my life when I had little ones.

As others have said, this sounds a bit bitchy!

Also the bit about working full time as a mother just feels like you had a chip on your shoulder. I am also a full time mother. I just happen to have a job as well. But obvs don't have the luxury of using their school time to do housework and go to the gym because I'm at work!

Mat leave is not a holiday, but it does sound like you've had a tough time in the early days through illness etc and are maybe overthinking the comments more than you normally would.

And whilst it's definitely not a holiday, personally I found it a lot easier than work both times. And definitely a lot easier than combining work with children!! I think the grass is always greener though, I do remember finding some days on mat leave a bit samey and whilst stressful, work was something different during the day.

Next time I saw her she was dressed in comfy joggers, hair a mess, a few dishes in the sink... oh, yes she found out what it's really like!

Blimey-that sounds so bitchy. She invites you round to her house and that's how you describe her!?

Maternity leave with 3 small children was often easier than teaching 30 five year olds, I have to say. BUT he sounds like an arse for saying that!

and that's your reaction to someone you thought was very nice who invited into their home finding twins hard work? you sound lovely.

'Living the dream' is not 'being on holiday'. You've said yourself that you feel 'motherhood is beautiful' - you are able to devote yourself fully to something you find 'beautiful' - if that isn't living your dream, what is?

Next time I saw her she was dressed in comfy joggers, hair a mess, a few dishes in the sink... oh, yes she found out what it's really like!

Or her priorities simply changed?

Or that's how she happened to look on that particular day?

You sound a bit gloaty here at the thought she may not have been coping well.

I was a sahp. When meeting anyone who asked me if I 'worked', I'd respond: 'yes, I work 24/7 as a mother'. It was only when they started school that I had a few hours break - and filled most of that time with laundry, cleaning, walking the dog etc, though did manage to get to the gym some mornings after drop off!
I remember a very career oriented work colleague of my DH. Always looked very glam, very organised, pristine house. She was very nice but I always got the impression she thought I was living the easy life. Then she had twins. Next time I saw her she was dressed in comfy joggers, hair a mess, a few dishes in the sink... oh, yes she found out what it's really like!

Some women love it, some hate it, some “meh” it.
Some have lovely, easy, reflux and colic free, chilled out babies and only one child at that. Others do not.

Juggling work and a baby (and other children) is hard, but for me I was ready to go back to work. When my toddler is at nursery she’s someone else’s problem. When I’m at work I get up and go to the toilet when I need to, I drink my drinks hot, I speak to other adults, I engage my brain in activities that aren’t nursery rhymes, when I want a break I take one, and I get paid a salary for it. And this break keeps me sane and makes me a better, more engaged mum as a result.

So he’s ignorant really. I’d have been annoyed too. Mostly that someone so clueless is in a managerial role.

It's an ignorant comment.

Some women love mat leave. Some hate it. Some (me!) swing around and around between the two in a single day. I have a really vivid memory of my 3 month old waking up from his nap and me saying to myself "it's ok, only 270 minutes until his next nap, thats 27 lots of 10 minutes" and literally counting down the minutes. I also have a vivid memory of picking him up and stroking his cheek and thinking that this might actually be the single best moment of my entire life. All of this to say, maternity leave is different, difficult and wonderful - but it's bang out of order to comment on someone else's experience of it or try to make out like they're having it easy.

I also don't really get the "you have a wanted baby, of course you're living the dream" responses". I loved my DC as babies, but didn't enjoy that stage all that much. My dream wasn't to have a baby, it was to have a child. Everything from 2 onwards was living the dream, although by then I had to also work. So, any weekend or holiday from 2 years onwards was living the dream. The baby years were the necessary step to get there.

Not excusing his ignorant comments, but it sounds like he was just making incredibly bland and unimaginative small talk. The old tropes for lack anything better to say. I wouldn’t give it another thought.

When people say things like this to me, I just say something like ‘I know, I’m really lucky’ and give them a sympathetic look.

I’m certainly not going to compete in the ‘who has the toughest life’ competition as it is not something I would ever want to win.

I was living the dream, on the whole.