People who think mat leave is a holiday

Crikey, my three month old is sleeping for three hours at a stretch at best, not at worst! Sounds like you have it pretty easy to me!

I'm have 3 now and when I book time off people say "have a nice holiday" or "oh lucky you being off next week" as part of a conversation. They don't know that my time off is actually going to be more stressful than work because it's summer holidays and 3 kids is A LOT! I took parental leave for 2 weeks and the same was said by colleagues. I was taking it due to my child's mental health, but I did not take their comments as a dig in anyway!

I think it's meant like that when it's said - just enjoy your holiday from work.

It's difficult when something so commonplace and ordinary like having children isn't possible, isn't it? I think the ability to move past it and live a happy life shows remarkable courage @KimberleyClark. I hope you find happiness elsewhere.

Formula feeding and having a babysitter is not make or break for having an easy time. Sounds quite judgey that you think so.

Let's hope it lasts. And I'm not meaning that in a bitchy way, just that mine increased their budget feeds around this time.

My eldest would go from about 11-6 from 6w-4m most of the time, but then they came back at 4m and stayed until 15m.

Even my insomniac managed some 4 and 5 hour stretches from 2-4m, slept better and spaced out feeds. Then it went down to 2 hourly, and then from 6-18 months, hourly feeds.

The same thing happened to many of my friends, and I'd your baby is starting to wake up now, maybe they are hungry?

I don't think you can assume the night feeds are over just because they currently are. Just enjoy the present.

@fitzwilliamdarcy ok....so I'm just a mumsnet troll whose experience doesn't count because my I don't think mat leave is a chill break? Because every single woman i know finds having a baby hard, especially their first. It may not be hell but I've never heard anyone call it a baby holiday, or say it's easy.

I didn't comment on my colleague's comments because I know experiences vary and personal circumstances come into massively, some women do have a great time. If I chose to formula feed and had someone to babysit, my life would be entirely different right now.

I hated maternity leave. Work is easier and I teach 30 5&6 year olds. I too had reflux babies. I did use omprezole with both of them and they are now 5 & 8 with no digestive issues. Maybe go back to your GP and discuss as it really helped. With both kids we saw a paediatrician. As for your colleague there's always one clueless idiot. It's probably annoying you more because you are sleep deprived. Also your probably in the house more it seems like a bigger deal. My anxiety was always worse when I was at home with my kids as there wasn't as much to think about or as many distractions. That's not to take away from the work load at home but I definitely overthink things when I'm in the house. Really try not to waste time on this thoughtless idiot and enjoy some much needed time out.

Mat leave is a break from the workplace - a break from meetings and deadlines and office politics and performance management reviews and commuting. It was a break I was looking forward to but never got the opportunity sadly.

Yeah my DD has a very young baby and don't think she feels as though she's" living the dream" Easy baby so far ( born after Xmas so very young) but I think she is looking forward to return to work

Right. I can't really respond to that.

That really annoys me. Men have no right to comment on this. Ds2 won't be put down during the day so I can't do crafts and rest. It's not all fun and games. Work is 100 times easier.

I’ve seen many women go on mat leave in my time and the majority of them have described it as exactly this. Many of them talked incessantly through their (2nd and 3rd) pregnancies about how much they were looking forward to their baby holiday.

It seems to me sometimes that it’s only MN where it’s a literal hellscape and everyone who doesn’t get that is a naive fool.

It is meant to be to be a little mean. It is a retort to an annoying comment.

It was my maternity leave with my first baby back in 1995 that made me realise that it wasn't actually a holiday. That it would be hard work and eventually I would be going back to work for the rest.

Before I experienced for myself the chaos that having a baby brings I might have thought that maternity leave would be a breeze, but I am very relieved looking back that I never actually said that. I now know I would have been laughed out of town.

I did enjoy my maternity leave once things had settled after the (traumatic) birth and was actually quite sad when the time came to go back to work, but things were still hard.

Having a baby is a culture shock, especially the first time. The next culture shock often comes when you are trying to deal with a toddler and a newborn simultaneously and can't just "sleep when the baby sleeps."

OP's colleague sounds clueless perhaps. Maybe a twat but not necessarily. Perhaps one day he will become a parent and he may then realise just how twatty he sounded.

That's quite mean. I'm not saying it's not an ill thought out comment but saying that to someone when you don't know their circumstances, for example infertility or serious illness, is quite mean.

I got a massive break on mat leave and spent loads of it chilling.

Not all of it but it's not that outlandish an expectation.

Also, it's not just men who think that. I've had 2 female childless colleagues tell me they can't wait to have kids so they can get a break and chill for a while. The "chill" comment is particularly hilarious 😂I didn't say anything, I'll let them find out on their own.

That would annoy me too but I would have been too sleep deprived to even go to a work do. I have a 4 month old who woke up every 90 minutes last night.

Rationally speaking:

Living the dream - not a bad comment

The comment about not having work in the morning- quite insensitive, everyone knows babies keep you up all night so YANBU on that.

Good luck with your baby getting the message of no night feeds any more! Took 15m with my first (bottles) and 2.5 with my second (boobs).

The 4m/8kg thing is just the age where their body is physically capable of waiting without it damaging them, but what they will want to or are likely to do.

I think if that's your expectation, then you're setting yourself up for a lot of frustration as for most babies it's very unrealistic.

@Babyboomtastic I 100% agree with this, my partner and I did the same - we have alternated nights since the day our son was born and it makes the world of difference, I think sleep deprivation must be a key factor in your wellbeing after you have a baby, and if you're in a lucky position where you have a partner who can share this with you and allow you to get a full nights sleep every other night then it's a game changer

Tbf, unless your breastfeeding with a bottle refuser (like my second), you can have a break and some sleep unless single. We alternated nights with my first and I got an unbroken night sleep every other night. Got my first 4 hour block at just before 2 with my insomniac bottle refuser.

Point is, you have a partner. Share the nights if you can.