Grandparents and baby names

Sorry, wrong thread - I haven't popped you a PM 🤦‍♀️😂

I've popped you a PM ☺️

Tell her this.

Every time MIL suggested a name I thanked her and told her I'd put it into the hat. The idea being I'd just pull a name out when the baby was born.
She didn't know what to make of it and pretty much gave up. She couldn't even object to my system as they were all names she'd suggested! 😂

YANBU

They had their time parenting and making these types of decisions. It’s time for them to step back and allow you the same privileges they had.

And stamp this out now so they know boundaries with regards to your kids/ your parenting decisions.

"We have chosen the name and want to keep it secret till the birth, so please stop going on about this - it is getting annoying!" Every time they bring it up, say "Remember Mum, we have already chosen the name."

I have 7 GC and have zipped the lip every time - on one occasion a name was being floated and I loved it, but they chose another. And on another occasion the name being floated was grim, and thank goodness they chose another. But no comment or opinion passed my lips!!!

Tell them you don't want to hear any talk of names until baby is here safely. You could even feign being superstitious about it; many people are.

My mum got excited about names. It is about the only thing you can do until they are born if you aren't the Mum. I ended up saying "you know we aren't naming this baby by committee?" She laughed!

I'm currently pregnant and we are telling no one the name. Tell them, it'll be a surprise and shut down the conversation. They'll soon get the message. I'm normally not this precious but I saw with my sil's babies how opinionated people were and judgemental so I learnt quickly to keep back somethings.

It’s none of their damn business. Shut them down by telling them just that.

I would say that you've agreed a name and it's one she has suggested, but that you can't be specific because you promised each other not to tell or that you are superstitious about it.

Then "suddenly" realise that baby was a Charlie/Susie on seeing her at birth.

If you're one and done you won't ever have to worry about it again.This should stop all the suggestions and you won't worry about being given personalized blankets etc

I think I would say we're choosing between this and this - so you don't give them a false name that risks them wasting money on personalised things (blanket etc), but also avoids saying we've chosen but are keeping it quiet and they keep digging to know.

Then when baby arrives, say you had a change of mind between the two names

Naming a baby seems like the world's most important thing at the time - in the long run it's really quite a minor part of their being and your parenting.

(having said this we gave my eldest child a 'joke' middle name just to piss MIL off.... )

Oh, we had similar, it was really annoying. We also had to find a name which worked in both cultures and had the whole 'oh, it won't be from [the other family's] culture, will it' from both sides 🙄

We just stuck firmly to 'we haven't chosen a name yet but we won't announce until baby is born'.

It's really annoying I know OP. I think you just have to be a broken record and show you won't engage in name chat.

Occasionally I had to be firm with my mother and say I wasn't discussing the issue.

Fortunately, both sides were happy with the name (or have had the grace to keep schtum). Baby was very poorly when born so we didn't finalise the name until we'd been home about a week. Now we get annoying comments about how long it took us to choose a name 🙄

I think I would go down the being slightly mean route too. You could say you are naming your child after your MIL/FIL, or that your MIL/FIL suggested a name that you like!

I know what you mean OP. With DC2 we had chosen 2 names and were trying to decide which way around to use them. I loved them both but was leaning towards XY, whereas DH preferred YX. Told my parents: dad tells me he likes XY and preceded to call the baby X from then on. Kept telling him we hadn’t decided, he just kept saying ‘well I prefer X’. It was infuriating! Parents were telling their friends and relatives that the baby was going to be called XY. So in a way my DF did choose the name for us, as he made my mind up to go for YX!

'Oh yes, we'd already considered that one. But we have actually chosen the names and we'll let you know at birth'
If they keep discussing:
'We've already picked names, so we don't want to discuss it'
If they KEEP discussing:
'This is a bit of a silly conversation when we've already picked names'

We had a similar problem with MIL. At first we were happy to discuss names with relatives but she was so judgemental of anything we suggested that DH told her it was no longer for discussion, she wouldn’t know until the baby was born and she was not allowed to make any comment to us about the chosen name. He has a good relationship with his mum but was very firm on this point and whenever she tried to bring it up again he just reminded her it wasn’t up for discussion and that if she didn’t drop it we were leaving.

Parents are tricky but just be firm and stick to your guns.

In fact say that it's great that you both like so many of the same names and they have suggested so many names you already have on your list.

They may just want to feel included so it might shut them up

How about saying 'we've already thought of that one and it's already on our list' to the names they suggest.

They might still claim they thought of it if you end up using it but you can do a twinkly laugh and say 'oh granny, you know we had already planned that name before you suggested it. But wasn't it good that you also happened to like it' every single time

I agree with @Velvian. Letting them know that you have taken a name off the list because it was suggested and you want to choose yourselves is a good way to clearly make your point.

Yeah YANBU. My MIL asked us not to use DD’s name because she knew a horrible girl at school with that name. 🙄 We used it
anyway. I’d just nicely say you are keeping names to yourself and change the subject.

I would have no problem saying, 'that was on our list, but we have rejected it since you suggested it' I have no problem being slightly mean to people that are routinely pushing boundaries.

I would reference your dad bringing up your cousin's baby name all the time and that it is personal and between you and DH.

I suggested my nephew's name, but I haven't mentioned it since and I think my sister may gave forgotten, which is fine with me.

Just announce the names then.

@garciacherry you’re definitely not being unfair to bring this up with them. There are nice and not so nice ways of saying it, but as long as you say it in a kind and respectful way it will be much better for your relationship with them in the long run. It’s lovely that they’re excited, but they need to start treating you as the adult and parent that you are, not their little child. You need to set those boundaries now or you’re at risk of the issue perpetuating throughout your child’s life - they may start turning up at your house uninvited, because it’s “their grandchild” etc. Having clear conversations about boundaries from the outset makes it easier to continue that if other issues arise in the future. But I do get it’s hard! I just think you’ll be saving yourself grief in the long run if you make it clear that you’re the parents, not them, now.

I wouldn’t try to throw them off the scent by pretending you have a name already etc, as there’s a reasonable chance they’ll spend the pregnnacy trying to guess or something equally annoying. Just be frank and honest that you don’t want to talk about name suggestions anymore and gently remind them if they slip up.