Estranged son asking for large amount of money

What you don't say is whether his statement is true. Just because he says he's entitled do it doesn't mean he is.

You don't provide much information, and nothing about what caused the estrangement, but I'd be tempted to say, as nicely as possible: No, you're not entitled to anything until I'm dead if you find it in the will. I understand with your wish for a house, and part of me would naturally have loved to help. But that's predicated on our having a loving relationship. You can't just show up and treat me like a cash register.

You should certainly not endanger your security to help someone treating you with contempt.

@Ponkeypink it's not fair to say that. Haven't you heard of parental alienation?

No chance

This is your money. You'd be a total mug to give him anything.

If you have money, keep it for yourself and your old age. I am currently arranging care for my parents. The cost is eye watering. You can be retired for 30 years now. The riches shrink to nothing with inflation.

Any relationship you pay for - and this is what's happening with your son - is not one worth having. How he can blank you in the street and think he is entitled to money from you. It beggars belief.

Tell him straight: I feel you have treated me badly so I don't see why you would expect money from me now. Things have changed since I said I wanted to help you. I cannot rely on you to help me in my old age seeing as you blank me in the street. So I am going have to buy in the help that a son normally gives his Mother. If he gets upset, that's on him. It's not your problem to solve.

If I were estranged from my parents for a good reason, I wouldn't ask them for money.

He’s not entitled to anything and you can’t buy his affections just let his dad help him get on the property ladder since he’s like to fan the flames.

What patronising rubbish.

Nothing in the OP's posts suggests such a need.

if you decide to give cash to kids please make it even so that both children receive the identical same amount.

I would probably give both children a small token amount and keep the rest for old age. Tell him that he has the same amount as his sister.

The OP has already said this was not so.

I would agree, I’m really sorry, I don’t believe he has any intentions to reconcile, he just wants the money. Take care of yourself

A pp suggested holding the money in the event helping to reduce his mortgage if a healthy relationship re-establishes itself. This would be good alternative. Doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

This is pretty controlling. Give him the money or don’t. If you change your mind at some point in the future, that’s fine. But holding onto the money as a way to reward him for treating you the way you want to be treated - well, as cheeky as asking for the money is, maybe he has good reason for not wanting much to do with you.

Agree with this.
He is entitled to his own choices, so he can choose to not be in your life, but he can’t then decide he also wants your money !

Giving him some of the money is the worst of all worlds. He will continue to feel he was entitled to more, you will feel, once again, that a reasonable compromise has been twisted into control freakery.
I am in your position and totally heartbroken by it. So I know how much you will be wanting to help. I might respond, kindly, that he was mistaken, your fathers money came to you, with no conditions, and he has no entitlement. Then he can decide whether to approach you again. If he was nasty and demanded money, I would find it easy to say no, but if he asked for a contribution, if I was able, I would then help. I do know what you mean about their opinion mattering less as time goes on. I miss my adult child every single day, but I don’t miss the drama they brought to my life, the walking on eggshells, being publicly humiliated, having every family occasion derailed.
I’m sure you know this, but I’ve also, painfully learnt not to ever discuss the situation with my other children. It’s just not fair on me or them.
I hope you just have the best time going forwards.

It’s your choice either way but I would definitely go to counseling for support for your mental health as it sounds heartbreaking for you. Were you close when he was a young child?

The money is yours - as your father wished.

He was free to leave something to your son... but chose not to. (You can point this out to your son if you wish. He can think about why this would have happened.)

You can choose what to do with your own will - but should probably honour your father's wishes.

So sorry about the division between you and your son. That must be painful no matter what caused it. You sound to be doing the right things to prepare the ground between you for when he grows up. Leave the door open and continue to be the adult.

Don't bring money into it though. Money is not a good basis for a healthy relationship and it is likely to cause you more pain if he takes it and rejects you again.

I wouldn’t say this, OP. Stick to the simple response that @myplace suggested about needing the money for possible future care needs, because that may happen. Unless you have SO much money that you’re really not going to need it?

Your Will can divide your estate between your children so he’ll get something eventually.

Tell him to get bent, the entitled little shit.

I think the next generation don't really do Christmas cards, I wouldn't over think that point.

It makes no difference what caused the estrangement.
It makes no difference how you spend the inheritance.
It's your money
Your father left it to you alone. Had he wanted your son to have some, he would have said so in his will.
Give any to your son and you'll never hear from him again.

I wouldn't read much into the card. Younger people don't really seem to send cards these days.

Did you know that you you might well be able to retire in Australia given 50% of your children live there?

If you give him money, he won't like you anymore than he just now. He will just think you are a pushover. I'm really sorry but he doesn't sound like a very nice young man at all. He is using you and thinks he is entitled to your money. Do you really think he would share his inheritance with anyone ?

Your dad didn't leave it to him, he left it to you and you can do whatever you want with it. In your position I would use it for your own security.

No, but if he said he was going to give me my grampas money then changed his mind I'd be annoyed (but not at all surprised). I cant help automatically siding with the son here and don't think she should blackmail him with the further 25% if he behaves how she wants. She's trying to control him again potentially.

Holding the money for the future is a good idea and if relationship gets better you can help DS out.

Referring to it as ‘his’ money is so cheeky. So he thinks you shouldn’t spend it, but he should!

Yes I agree he’s cheeky for asking if he doesn’t speak to her but it would be very interesting to know the ins and outs of why.