Estranged son asking for large amount of money

Imagine asking someone you don’t speak to for money!!! There’s absolutely no way. I would make sure your Will is updated to exclude him and write a letter alongside it explaining why.

Money won’t mend a fractured relationship. If you gave it to him with caveats he would just do you over and disappear again. Sadly it seems he doesn’t want you to be part of his life 💔

What would giving him the money achieve?

It won't end the estrangement will it?

Why did your daughter share details with him?

Why does DS think the money was set aside for him?

I say he can fuck off. If he wants money he can ask his dad.

Erm, it's not his money is it? It's not his inheritance is it? So why give it to him?

This isn't even a question - people don't get to treat you like crap and then drain your bank account.

Cross posted with you, OP - so back when you thought things might get better you considered sharing the money with DS, told DD about this and she told him ... is that right?

If so that's very far from a promise, and I'm not sure why he'd consider even a "hope" would come to pass if he was blanking you
Therefore I'd say no or better still just not reply

Please for the sake of your sanity do not give him the money. He is a cheeky brat. He can take his truth and go and work for his deposit. Anyone who could blank you and then ask for money is just beyond me.

Without further details my thoughts would be to write DD into your will. Unless he tries to rebuild bridges (which if he wants money would be a bit icky) you do not give DS anything. This is particularly because it sounds as if your Dad did not want him to get anything.

That money is for your retirement - and I hope to help you tick off a couple of items on your bucket list while you are young.

If you have a good relationship with your daughter, why do you say you have no close family?

If you give him the money you will still be estranged, he will believe he was entitled to it and owes you nothing.

If you don't give him the money you will still be estranged, he will like you even less than he does now and probably call you horrible names.

Don't give him the money, you will gain nothing but you will be financially worse off.

He's entitled to nothing.

Remind him of this.

Give it to him for attending and engaging with family counselling.

so you promised him a deposit on a house from your inheritance?
Were you estranged or speaking when you said it?

I think if it was a way of getting back to having contact with him but depending on the amount and how much you inherited I probably would give it to him, life is too short ( I speak from experience).

If you help DD but not DS there won’t be anything other than estrangement

He’s estranged from you don’t even reply.

So you offered him money? If you can afford it I would help, it might not help but in time it may.

So again, where did this idea that the money be used to support a house purchase comes from?

Your inheritance is yours, not his. If he looks after his relationship with you, then he might reasonably expect to inherit from you when you die. You are not dead, so that’s not even relevant. Without caring offspring, you are more likely to need that money for your old age, so, much as you might want to help him (out of unconditional love in the face of undeserved hatred) you need to put yourself first. For context, I have spent many years juggling being a mother, working full-time and caring for elderly parents. This last week I have been driving my mother to hospital to visit my father, organising a stay at a rehabilitation for when he is released from hospital, but not yet able to return home. Without me, they would need to pay for taxis and carers and possibly even a nursing home.

What are your plans for the money?
Do you need it to pay off your mortgage, debts or secure your future?
What does your pension look like?

Presumably the inheritance came from someone who loved and cared for you, did they express any hopes on what you might do with it?

No-one has a right to someone else's money. Your son has been no contact for 7 years, why? Is this the beginning of a reconciliation or just a money grab?
Would he use it as stated for a house or fritter it away?

TBH if someone hadn't spoken to me for 7 years & blanked me on the street there's no way I'd be handing over a large sum of money to them.
I'd use the money to invest for my retirement, if you put it in a pension you'll be able to use your full tax allowance to reclaim the tax on the contribution thus increasing the investment amount by 20%

I’m not getting into the estrangement thing. I know there’s always two sides to every story and from experience I know that there’s usually been some serious shit going on to cause an estrangement between a parent and child.

So, no. Simply because you aren’t financially secure enough to guarantee a secure retirement for yourself. Put your own oxygen mask on first.

Just don't respond to him.

Or if you feel you have to one of two responses would suffice:

1. No.

or

2. There is no money. After inheritance tax and solicitors fees I was left with very little. I'm not sure why you think there's enough for a house deposit but even if there was my money is not your money.

My inheritance- 4 years ago, when trying to find a middle ground has said wanted to support the purchase of a property with the money

Who said they wanted o support a house purchase with the money, and who were you trying to find a "middle ground" with?

Agree with PPs that on the face of things it's a no, but hard to say without the details