To consider not taking our 19 and 20 yr old on holiday this year

Yanbu, my eldest has gone her own holidays multiple times a year since she was 17 now and only been away once with us last Christmas. My middle is 15 and has advised me next summer will be her last with us and after that she will be doing the same as her sister and holidaying with friends.

Do they even want to come? I don't know really because my parents decided for us that we "obviously didn't want to come with them" from about age 14 and just left us home alone so I was always if the opinion I would never go on holiday without my kids but this year 17 year old DS has 2 holidays with friends booked and so no time to take off work to come with us so seems it will just be us two and DS2.

I wouldn't book a holiday without my children if they still wanted to come with us.

Our last family holiday was with the youngest teens at 16 & 18. Awful holiday.
I had rosy ideas of meals out together, shopping together, having a drink in the evening taking in the locality. Maybe swimming together, chatting over games.

The reality was they slept in all day and played on their phones all night. Neither went in the pool. Neither joined us for dinner. In fact we barely laid eyes on them all week.

With flights, car hire, insurance and accommodation it came in at £8k for what was in essence a simple week away. We had to factor in the school holidays so it was expensive.

Never again.

We have said we'd love to go away with them one day, hopefully as grandparents and when they pay for the holiday.

Go away on your own and let them grow up into adulthood. It will do all of you good.

I went on two holidays with my parents between the ages of 18 and 25

One was our "last hurrah", a holiday to Greece that got quite fractious at times - it became clear then we were after different things on a holiday. I like to go on shorter breaks to explore, my parents prefer to go on beach holidays where they do nothing for two weeks. My idea of hell!

The other was a huge family holiday, which went well.

Now I'm older, my dad and I have been on a couple of sports trips together, and they've been huge successes. We're going away in September as a family, but again this is to go and do things and not a beach trip. There is an expectation that my brother and I (both NMW workers) will make a contribution but we won't be expected to pay 25% each as that's simply out of our budget. We made it clear to our parents if we were asked to do that, we'd be travelling to our budget (think budget airlines, hand luggage only, absolute bare bones Airbnb and public transport both ways) and my mum put her foot down and said no.

To be honest I can't get the appeal of a big summer holiday with my family every year. I'd much rather use my annual leave in my own way, and spend time with my family at home.

YANBU. Tell them you are having a break.in your own be cause you want to spend time together. Book it.

Why should the parents be restricted to when they go on holiday so kids don't feel like they are missing out? They are 19 and 20, not children. My parents went on all sorts of exotic holidays when I was at the age. At 19/20, I was old enough to realise I was an adult and that my parents were entitled to live their life and go where they want without the need to consult me.

A summer holiday?

Oh, but you didn’t think they’d be able to come… As you assumed they’d be working… 😉

I didn't go on any family holidays after the age of 17. Once I was at university I made my own summer travel plans with friends.

My parents stopped taking me on holiday when I was 17. It wouldn't have even occured to them to take me. At the ages yours kids were, I couldn't have thought of anything less appealing, I much rather wanted to be with my friends!

What are dc 2s plans for summer? I wouldn’t book a family holiday as I’d assume they would be working/internship/travelling etc.
Mine Is yr1 at uni and we are currently all away on holiday fully paid for by us. It’s been nice to spend time together but that said she has her own plans for summer.
The turning down the Christmas hours is something to have a conversation about that would rub me up wrong way. You are paying your contribution of £5500 but they need to show willing.

YANBU at all although we took our DD on holiday when still at university. Mainly as we wanted her to come and we all wanted time together as a family.

She's 26 now and still coming on a European break in April with us and her two younger (teen) brothers. I do love a bit of family get together but if DD was being a bit spoilt then it wouldn't be as appealing to bankroll a holiday.

I think you are at an important point here where your children should now step-by-step begin transitioning towards independent adult lives.
They sound as though they are stuck in "child" mode. It isn't really a kindness to over-indulge them when they are not making their own efforts to support themselves financially.
Booking a holiday just for you and your husband this year would be a great statement of intent that you are more than a parental ATM. It is a line in the sand for them to see that things are changing. You could always invite them next year if you felt like it...

The issue here is more that you don’t massively want to holiday with them and you are finding them frustrating. In that case don’t holiday with them as it’s paying money for something you won’t enjoy.

We do still take our 19 year old eldest child on family holidays because we adore her company, we love being all together as a complete family unit and holidays are now a way to ensure uninterrupted time together. We will carry on inviting our kids for as long as they want to come and we all enjoy time like that together. I hope that’s a very long time.

But thats a different situation to yours. If your kids aren’t trying to make family time pleasant, aren’t thinking of you and are being selfish then make the choices you need to.

“I like the idea of giving them both a bit to go on their own holiday, with friends or each other. Will see how the finances go as we move through the year.”

Holidays are a luxury not a necessity. You are doing more than enough for both of them and they don’t even sound appreciative.

Go on your holiday and enjoy it. If your DC don’t have repercussions for not shifting for themselves, they won’t do it.

I still go away for a weekend with my mum each year (I’m in my 40s)and she still insists on paying for the hotel and most meals out and activities we do, it makes her happy.

Me too

I stopped going on family holidays when I was about 16. No need to bring them with you.

We still take our youngest who is 21, id still take the eldest (23) as they aren’t interested in our type of holiday and hate the sunshine. I’ll probably take dd until she doesn’t want to come on our summer holiday. Dh and I still get a holiday in the winter just the two of us too.

however both of mine work either full time or part time, they put their all into their uni work and I don’t have to drive them everywhere because they both have paid for driving lessons and passed their tests. Hey also both offer to buy a take away at least once a month.

on holiday they pay towards meals and drinks out .

I stopped going away with my parents when I was sixteen.
I was my own person making my own way in the world and TBH wanted a different holiday to them (no issues, loved our family holidays growing up but at sixteen I wanted to be away with friends my own age.

I was left at home and uninvited by my parents from 16 - of course yanbu OP, book your holiday and enjoy 😁