To consider not taking our 19 and 20 yr old on holiday this year

Goodness. We are outliers. My DD's still come on main summer holiday with us. We all actually like spending time together! They are 20's, mixture of uni and working. We pay accommodation for everyone, the working ones pay flights.

My friends kids, and now partners also all seem to have family holidays together too. All mid late twenties.

I voted yanbu to leave them behind not pay and go on your own

However if you do really want to go away with them and they happily will come with you and you all enjoy the family time... its also a shame to not go.

So if that is the case, one final paid for holiday and very clear message that we won't pay 100% after this.... and then u figure out if you are happy paying anything going forward eg) flights only or villa / hotel only or food only etc.

Doing it that way isn't so severe and "we don't want you"

Only you know your family dynamics / £ situation etc

I went on my last family holiday at 16. At 17, my parents left me at home and went to NZ for 4 weeks. They didn't even think to ask me to come.

Leave them at home. Sounds like they both need to grow up a bit and learn some independence. You don't want to be stuck with both of them at 30+ mooching off you OP.

I think it sounds as though you are soft with them most of the time (ie food run), and then want to come down hard on them for the holidays for allowing you to be soft, which is a little inconsistent.
As far as taking them on holiday, I probably would if they wanted to come. I see it as you are going to get less and less quality time with just the four of you as they get older. It depends in your budget though.

I would definitely expect a uni student to be working, interning and maybe some independent travelling through the summer. And the other young person to have a job or be actively job seeking and so unable to commit to a holiday.
id probably suggest a family weekend away at some point instead of a family holiday and dh and I will go out of school holidays so the prices are more sane.

No, go on your own. They sound Luke they need to get off their asses and start paying for themselves, I don't think a free holiday would be encouraging that

Sounds like maybe you are a bit frustrated with them, a holiday and a little separation might do you all good. Just because they don't come this time doesn't mean they can't next time (or the time after that).

I wouldn't be taking them on holiday. They don't need any more excuses to prevent them from working.
Our DS no longer came on holiday with us once he left school. He worked FT during the Uni summer holidays to subsidise his living costs in term time.
It sounds to me like your DCs need to learn some hard facts about life - you want it, you pay for it!
Our DS didn't get a holiday for about 5 years, until he could afford to pay for it himself. And even then, his destination was chosen based on cheap flights and accommodation (fortunately he's not a resort holiday type of person).

Obviously you don’t have to take them on holiday but unless it’s genuinely unaffordable, I think it’s a bit sad that you no longer want to share that experience with your kids unless they contribute financially.

Our DCs are 17 and 18 and this will be our approach this year.

We went with them to the Maldives in October so they can't really complain!

DS218 wants to go away with his mates before Uni but nothing planned yet.

DD17 is going to Reading in August and is extremely excited about it.

I think they'll be ok.

They won't be motivated to earn money, or manage what they have more carefully, until there's stuff that they that they can't afford. Subsidising them is counter-productive.

Could you offer something else, such as matching what they manage to earn (or a percentage)?

It never occurred to me that my dc 19yrs and 20yrs wouldn't want to come on the family summer holiday. I'll definitely continue to pay for them to come but they cost me very little money as they both work, drive and pay their way. I think your approach makes perfect sense op, you're shelling out loads of money on them already so if they want a holiday they can pay for it and organise it themselves.

You are absolutely NOT unreasonable to go alone with your DH. Your kids are adults now and so their hols cost more, they can start planning their own lives more etc.

However, I don't think there's an age limit or a point at which you "shouldn't" take them away, per se. Life is so short... So what if they sometimes benefit from bank of mum and dad? That's great fortune and love. If you all get on well and enjoy holidaying together, it's money well spent.

But again, it's totally up to you. If it was some bucket list destination, I'd try my hardest to take them. If it's something less exciting/not once in a lifetime, then perhaps not. If I was flush with cash though, then there's noone else on earth id rather go on holiday with than my children,seeing the world anew through their eyes is such a buzz at any age.

If you'll all enjoy it and have a good time together, take them. If not there's no point anyway.

I have a 19 year old son. He didn't come on holiday with us last year (he was waiting for interviews) but is coming this year. He bought his own flight and needs his own spends but we are paying for the air b and b and food. Don't feel obliged to bankroll them!

I would say though, don't start bragging about it.

My parents are accustomed to 4 foreign trips a year and couldn't get abroad last year due to multiple illnesses and deaths in the family. They got away on multiple UK breaks though

They've spent the last six months complaining, while I've been on one holiday in the last five years. It's really draining to hear them complain when they've got a three week Caribbean break booked and my first break from work will be in September. Just be mindful of that.

I was 16 when I last went on holiday with my parents. The following year friends went to Spain but the world was a lot different back then. You could pick up part time work in retail or at any of the big supermarkets just about anywhere and a week in Ibiza was dirt cheap. Not so easy today. My daughter got a part time job a local independent coffee shop but 100 people applied for that. And it’ll get worse.

We don't even take the 15 year old, he stays at home with his older brothers (he didn't want to come). The older ones don't want to come with us anyway, would rather go with GF

Yanbu to go on holiday without them.

I wouldn't be paying for them to go anywhere either. If they had jobs and i could afford it i might but as you are encouraging them to learn the value of money definitely don't.

We go on holiday with our 17 and 20 year DC still but we all enjoy being a family unit and have so much fun when together.
The DC have part time jobs around full time studies which goes towards their living expenses, but they certain dont' have extra for a holiday. But then they work hard, get good results and aren't taking the mick. If they did, I probably would feel differently.

I hated being dragged around on family holidays from about the age of 12, all stately homes and visiting museums both were rush around so could 'fit more in the day' type things. Stayed with my grandad and had a fab time.
My dc chose to stop holidays with us when they were 16 /17, they were happy and so were we.

Stay at home, that should read.

I’ve taught plenty of students over the years whose parents said it was money to top up the loan to live away OR stay at jobs and go to local uni and come on holiday - but not both.

We paid for DS23 to go on holiday with us - but 1. We could afford it, 2. He was very grateful, and 3. He was not wasting money on luxuries.

If he had argued the toss with us about his board and expected lifts everywhere there would have been no invite.

Sounds like they need to start paying for more stuff at home. Summer work would help with this or maybe an internship to help get experience. Go on holiday without them, I think it's completely normal post school to do that, they probably won't enjoy it much anyway.

I asked not to go at 16, but had to. Didn't go at 17 and went with my friends from 18 onwards. Summer job paid for my holidays as I am old enough to have gone to university before fees and ludicrous rents.
Don't take them!