To consider not taking our 19 and 20 yr old on holiday this year

Yanbu at all

yeesh, i would hate to have had you as a parent.

Soon as my kids left college, they paid their own way.

Nothing has to be forever. I’d just say me and dad are going to Spain in August. Things change maybe you’ll want to invite them next holiday or a city break etc. Don’t make a big deal of it. Telling them now they can make their own plans.

I think they're old enough to understand if you dress it up like you want some alone time with partner. Sometimes them missing out will become a motivation for them to work harder and achieve more...

My DD (23) wants to come to Malta with us this year, but will pay for herself. The last few years she has gone on holiday with her mates and paid for herself. We did however pay for her to come abroad with us a few years ago, but it was her 21st birthday. She did also have a week away with uni mates that year, that she managed to save for.

Of course YANBU. They should be making their own holiday plans at their age.

Just tell them the moment has passed and you and DH want to go alone. That’s healthy for you and for them. Cut the apron strings- you’re doing them a favour.

My last holiday with my family as a child was aged 17, but they didn't go on the sort of holidays we go on - caravanning in UK, so very different from what our children have experienced. However they did start doing more exciting holidays after my brother and I had gone to university and they still had our younger sibling who went with them - combination of my dad earning more and only having 3 people to pay for, I assume. We've had family holidays since, but rarely.

Our eldest has stopped coming. They don't like the type of holidays we go on. Youngest still keen to come at 19 but we're hoping they may start to holiday with friends / partner soon. We have had a couple of weekends away without them. I suggested they might pay a bit towards their next holiday with us but didn't get a good response..... have planted the seed though. (Back story is they waste a huge amount of money on buying new things they don't need and frequently are skint at the end of each month.)

If you can afford it, and want to enjoy time with your kids, why not pay for them to come on holiday with you?

My DS is 20 and we had a long weekend away together and he had a longer break with some friends. He does have a part-time job, but it's not necessarily that easy to get one in a uni town to fit around lectures, he didn't get one till the summer of first year.

About your tattootist DS, can he get a properly paying part-time job to fit around his tattoing - an evening bar job would be perfect.

@Kinkyroots - personally I think yabu in this scenario.

If you can't afford it - yanbu. If they don't particularly want to go - yanbu. If you just want some time just you and DH - yanbu.

But you have two teens who still love holidaying with their parents. That won't last much longer! They sound like good kids and you've not got much to complain about - one only started uni in September and has had whooping cough which typically lasts three months and you're annoyed they haven't got a job yet? Even if the older one doesn't seem to be working to their full potential, it's not fair to lump them both in together either.

Taking them to pick up food - separate issue. Just tell them no if you don't want to do it. But there's no need to be so all or nothing. Why not suggest an affordable contribution that they can make to the holiday as a compromise? A certain amount towards food and if they want to do activities they pay for that themselves? Then they can choose whether they'd rather holiday with you or keep buying £40 takeaways.

Honestly teenagers and young adults can be a nightmare- they will both have been at a critical time when covid hit. Yet they sound like they are doing ok. They won't want to join you on holiday forever!

Of course YANBU. I never went on holidays with my parents after I was 15.

OP, they are clearly work shy and you paying £40 on food is a joke.

We have plenty of money and my two at university have part time jobs, a non negotiable.

I won't insist on them working for their final year as they are doing hard degrees but it is very important the pay for their own social lives.

IMO it really reduces the appetite for alcohol when you work hard to pay for it.
They both know the value of money through doing shitty minimum wage jobs.
These are good life lessons.

Just be honest. You can't afford to pay for their holiday as you're subsidising uni, living etc. £5500 would pay for a nice holiday for them both. I'd suggest that if they can get a job and pay their way, they are more than welcome to join you.

We still take our dd on holiday with us, the difference is she pays for her flight and hotel out of her part time job and we pay for food, drinks and fun etc when we're out there.

I wouldn't have thought it was standard to take adult kids on holiday with you. I don't think I or my siblings went on holiday with my parents after the age of about 16/17.

YANBU, I think the last time I went on holiday with my parents and siblings was when I was 20 and a uni student- they did pay (I did have a summer job too).
They always offered when my siblings and me were in university but gradually we stopped wanting to go with them.
They wouldn't have paid for us once we were earning.

*Both of us still go away with our parents (and partners and kids) every year. Our parents are brilliant fun though.

i know our parents paid for us because they loved spending time with us and would rather pay for us than not have us there. OP if you don’t feel that way of course you don’t have to pay for them.*

@Autumn38 I'm never shaking my kids off. They love spending time with me, have been the same way all through their teens and now into young adulthood. They're great company, and bring some energy and diverse conversation.

I didn't want to go on holiday with my parents at that age. There were different things that I wanted to do, different places that I wanted to go to and different people that I wanted to go with. Last time I went with them when I was 18 and it was horribly boring...

Eek I went with friends but parents always took me and sibling away too. Did villas etc and partners were always welcome.

This went on into our 20s (and beyond) and we just gradually took more and more financial responsibility.

Definitely fully paid for by parents until we left university though and heavily subsidised (as in just paid for flights) for a long long time.

Both of us still go away with our parents (and partners and kids) every year. Our parents are brilliant fun though.

i know our parents paid for us because they loved spending time with us and would rather pay for us than not have us there. OP if you don’t feel that way of course you don’t have to pay for them.

In your circumstances YANBU.

I'm taking mine and I'm really looking forward to it, we all are, they'd be outraged if they hadn't been included but to be honest they know it's probably the last time. (Welcome to always come but they'll have to pay)

My parents never took me on holiday after 16.

They also never bankrolled me at college - I had to get a job to be able to afford new clothes, make up etc.

University I know is a bit different now but I wouldn’t be paying for luxuries for them if I was you.

My early 20s DDs still enjoy a holiday with us. We do pay, as although they both work very hard, they aren't on good wages and couldn't afford their rent/mortgage and a holiday. We do go away on our own as well.

So I do see what you're saying about their work ethic and maybe taking stuff like that for granted.

Go on your own as a couple, enjoy the saving of not going in school hols and have a great time.

Why did you choose to drive adults and pay £40 for their takeaway? You should have laughed at that demand and said 'no thanks!'

How will they function when they have no grasp on employment, money or budgeting?

There is no obligation to take your children as adults on holiday. We did take DS and his GF away for a week , they broke up just before Christmas. Lesson learned there but they had been together 4 years by that point. DS would happily come away with us as we get on well. At those ages he came on two cruises with us, he said he could not afford this kind of holiday so yes please. He did also go on holidays with his GF and mates.

Mine has worked from 13 and apart from doing his A levels during Covid and it taking him 6 months to find something but this was in lockdown times he has worked always. So I suppose that’s a very different angle from your two.