To consider not taking our 19 and 20 yr old on holiday this year

You can have a year off OP. Go somewhere they're not keen on if that helps.
I hope my dc will keep going away with me (teenage now and showing no signs of stopping) but would love to do some trips not centred around their interests as well. I stopped going away with my dps long before this, but they were going on UK holidays so that probably made a difference! (I did love holidays with my mum in later life).

I haven't taken mine since they finished school, both got their last family holiday the summer after a levels. I'm not against going with them in the future but they pay their own way bar treating to a meal perhaps. Definitely helps that dds and dsds dps families both have the same attitude

And as for DD1, she has had a part time job since she was 16 and transferred to the local branch when she went to university. I know lots of her friends are looking for work and jobs can be hard to come by. Over Christmas she worked 30+ hours a week at the home branch.

She actually said we're giving her too much money (topping up to what the full loan would be) at university and she doesn't need it.

DD2 is almost 16 and would have got a job at 14 if it had been possible, she can't wait to work and earn her own money.

YANBU - enjoy your holiday with hubby. The grown up children will get on with whatever they want to do. If they want holidays, they'll need to pay for it. You can't subsidise them forever. Its not mean or cruel, it's the reality of adult life. If you want nice things, you need to be able to afford them. It sounds like you're doing an awful lot to support them already x

My two are just turning 16 and 17 and have been told that our 2025 summer trip to Tenerife will be the last, as they will have important exams in the next few years, or we expect them to be working.

Once they are older we might revisit it but whether the below are options is discussions for nearer the time.
a) would they even want to come with us?
b) would we expect a token contribution towards the trip?

I'm excited for the teen-free holidays for 2026 and beyond. With what we save on taking them, we could book somewhere further afield or a bit more luxurious.

YANBU, this is the age when people start going on their own holidays unless it suits everyone to go together. We were talking about a family holiday this summer but have realized that it’s not going to work with DD’s (20 this year) schedule so DH and I are now planning to go away in June while DS (16) is on a school trip. We might do something late summer if DD’s available, but she’s not sure yet.

DD may organize a holiday with her friends and if she does, I’ll contribute to it, because she works hard and I want her to have a good time.

@lostinthememory they sound like my parents who are always jetting off somewhere when I've had 5 nights staying with my eldest. My brother died last year so whilst he was ill they didn't go anywhere (about 4 months) but since then they've been to Lanzarote, France, cruise to Alaska and Japan, multiple holidays within the UK and are currently planning on going to USA soon as there are only 4 states they haven't visited. I'm on NMW.

I wouldn't feel comfortable not taking them and the fact you have asked emphasizes that you don't feel comfortable about it either.
I would suggest that you pay for them this time and discuss them contributing in the future

I'm glad DDs want to come away with us still aged 20 and 16 and we enjoy one another's company. I still went on holiday with my parents in my teens and 20s and also away with friends/partner separately.

DH and I have been on several lovely holidays with my parents and in-laws, and since DDs were little we've always had short breaks together or with our mates without DDs. I don't get this Mumsnet rule that once you turn 16 you should be completely independent.

My two aged 19 and 21 still want to come abroad with us as we all have fun. They have also done holidays with friends. One pays their full share as they are not in education and the one at uni pays a part share. They both have their own spending money. Me and DH usually have a 4 day break alone later in the year. I like the fact they still want to come as I know it won't be forever. I couldn't afford to pay for it all though so you are not BU.

Indeed! I didn't go on holiday with my parents (and much younger brother) after I hit 16.

You might find that, after a few years of having to finance their own holidays, they become a lot nicer to take away. I sometimes head off with one or other of my adult children for a week's holiday, and I pay the greater portion but only because I know that they COULD pay if i couldn't. They are much better company for not living at home though.

DH and I are indulgent parents but we go on holiday without our DC who are at university. Admittedly we go during term time so it isn't as obvious but they know we are going. We also go away for the occasional weekend together as a family in the UK.

I think it is perfectly fine to go on holiday without DC when they are adults.

Im assuming its already been mentioned... they are adults, invite them and if they want to go (which i doubt they will) then make it very clear that they PAY!

and perhaps, given that they appear to be taking the p&ss with you and money, try saying NO! its hard for the first 2 times, and then it gets easier

my children came on holiday with us when they were both at uni, at our expense though they both had pt jobs. They didn’t get up till midday and went to bed in the early hours having graciously consented to come out for a meal which we paid for. We barely saw them so it was the last family holiday for a while.

Now they’re married with children we have family holidays again, it’s lovely. They keep normal hours and we get up after they do unless a gc sneaks in.

Middle ground. Just the two of you this year, term time, but maybe invite them next year.

I have a friend who continued to take his grown up daughters away into their early twenties. He really looked forward to spending that time with them and I thought how cool that he just genuinely loves their company, and they still want to go. I would love if we could still invite ours like that one day, and like them enough that we'd be genuinely pleased if they said yes.

In the real world of course it's not all sunshine and rainbows, but I still favour being generous and inclusive when you can be, because it seems to breed nicer adults. I don't think mine would become more thoughtful or grateful if left at home. But you know best what works with your kids. And if you just need a break from them, that's enough of a reason in itself.

Do it! They wouldn’t invite you or pay for you if they didn’t want you on a holiday with their mates 🤷‍♀️

I hate going on holiday without the kids, we always go in October and now my eldest is at uni she can’t come and it doesn’t feel the same anymore.
Obviously if you can’t afford it you can’t afford it which is the bottom line.

Watching with interest as mine will be 17 and 20 this year. Eldest finally off to uni in sept (i hope)

I am hoping next year they will want to go on [cheap] holidays with friends and we can go with out them… just pissed myself laughing at the quote from Citalia that didn’t even include separate rooms for them (different sexes) as we could put them both up for a year at uni on that one, so thinking the time for holidays with us are nearing a close. Not least because eldest ‘didn’t fancy’ a luxury AI beach holiday with lots of cultural trips to classical sites included [despite going to read classic at uni] so started to dictate how mum n dad should spend their well earned money and annual leave. 🤬

Would leave her at home except that scuppers the dog sitting/house sitting arrangement we have as they are not insured if there is a resident. (She is AuDHD and a bloody liability, so can’t leave her with my spaniels!!)

Most teens stop going on holiday with their parents at 16/17

Your kids sound like lazy freeloaders

At 19 & 20 no way should you pay for them to get away
You've both done your bit as parents, go and have all the lovely holidays as the two of you

Sorry meant to say re post above we do this as nain part of their Christmas gift & have hugely scaled down Christmas. Their bfs/gfs come too but they also pay their flights. I don’t think it’s too much to ask they can find money for all sorts of things when needed.

I like this idea in theory but in practise, they could agree to pay half, OP would then pay for the holiday and then feel obliged to still take them when they don’t cough up their half.

Unless she books it deposit only I guess.

Both of us still go away with our parents (and partners and kids) every year. Our parents are brilliant fun though.
i know our parents paid for us because they loved spending time with us and would rather pay for us than not have us there. OP if you don’t feel that way of course you don’t have to pay for them.
Same here. It is a privilege to all be together and have fun. If it is not an affordable option though, then YANBU.

My kids are similar ages 18 & 20 both live at home. One at uni , one working full time. For past few years we have all gone away together for a week in January when flights are cheap. They each contribute towards their flights & we pay the apartment. They pay their own drinks & spending.We get the shopping & a few meals out. For the summer my husband & I have booked a week away on our own for the first time after a successful long weekend away last year . They don’t want to come & want to do their own thing but we all enjoy the winter week & costs are more manageable for them than in the summer . They also contribute every month for their car insurance x

YANBU! My parents stopped paying for our holidays when we turned 18. I think thats fair enough. They took us and our partners on one special Florida holiday at 21 but they only paid for flights & hotel. We had to pay for park tickets and spends.
They are old enough to start paying their own way, even if you meet in the middle until after uni but definitely would be stopping at that point. Pay for flights and they pay for hotel?