To consider not taking our 19 and 20 yr old on holiday this year

My eldest 2 are 18 and 20 and we are going to France this year without them. Last year we went to Devon for a week without them. They don’t even want to come tbh. I think their 2 year old brother and sister are a bit much for them!

Been reading with interest. For lots of reasons we think we’ll continue to offer to take our DC with us on holidays until they are working/mortgaged, but would give them a years notice that ‘this’ is the last holiday we can afford to subsidise when we get to that stage. Like others, I feel including them through university and for a year or two afterwards at our expense (so long as DH and I are working) is something that we personally benefit from because we get a couple of weeks of their company. If we required them to pay halves it would restrict the quality of holiday we go on or effectively price them out, so we’d more likely transition from the luxury AI model that we’ve done to date with renting apartments/villas etc to which, as the years pass, they can contribute a bit to.

This year we are doing Rome and Amalfi Coast, booking hotels/3 rooms ourselves at half the cost of a package deal. Next year we’ll book a villa/apartment and gradually work towards a model where they can chip in to accommodation costs or groceries/bar bills and/or bring BFs/GFs. I am hoping that even though they will likely want to save up and go on hols with friends next year and do back packing/hosteling they might still want to spend a week with us.

When the kids were young we took the ILaws with us to villa hols several times too, so I hope my kids will want to do that occasionally as they get older.

I’d be asking if they would want to holiday with you if they could afford to pay?
It’s my view ‘kids’ of that age should be holidaying with their friends. They’ll only want to go with you all the time you’re paying 🙂

But only where finances allow surely? & only if older DC are at least saving up/training to get a better job etc? I also love taking mine away with us (21 & 17) & they both still enjoy coming (they're not stupid it's a lovely free holiday after all 😆) but if/when money becomes tight then I'd expect them to contribute towards the holiday (older DD) or go on a cheaper family holiday or not come at all. We've also started going on our own mini break holidays - city breaks etc - just myself and DH & exploring places the DC aren't that interested in.

If I had the money I'd pay.

Hi op. I think if your hubby was planning a romantic get away for your belated anniversary or an upcoming one you wouldn't take your grown up kids with you . Im sure when you explain your hubby booked you both a trip as a surprise they wont bat an eyelid 😉😉😉🤣

No - family holidays stop once leave school.

They are 19 and 20. My parents went on holiday alone when I was 19 and I didn’t think once that I should be invited. They are adults now in the adult world. Go on holiday just the two of you, you both deserve alone adult/couple time xx

My two are aged 23 and 20 and they still like to come on holiday with us and we enjoy spending some quality time together. IMO as long as you are going interesting places, they will always want to come along. However, I would appreciate at some point having them stay home and look after the dog. The dog care is really expensive!

@BruFord I am desperate for a holiday just with dh! Youngest has autism so some of our recent holidays haven’t been entirely stress free (although having tried self catering in Cornwall last summer, I realised about a decade too late that SC is the way to go!).

Dd3 is emotionally quite young and not very independent yet. We’ve been away for max 3 nights which was ok but would love a longer trip. And I feel bad putting the burden on the older 2 🤷‍♀️

@bendmeoverbackwards Family holidays with adult children can be lovely and if you’ve want to pay for everything, great.

People are just making that point that once they’re adults, you don’t have to provide an all-expenses paid family holiday if it doesn’t suit you, and they shouldn’t expect their parents to automatically pay for everything.
If you and your DH decide to go on a trip for two this year, that’s fine.

My DH now takes his parents on holiday!

I’m a widow of nearly two years and the kids (18 and 22) and I are incredibly close, more so since the sudden and unexpected death of their dad. Both kids at college and uni but work hard at weekends and holidays so have quite a healthy savings balance. Both still come on holiday with me every summer and I pay flights and accommodation but they bring their own money for spending on going out, water sports, quad biking etc. There is no expectation from them that I pay but I do. However, if ever I needed financial help and asked them, I know both would give me their last penny..

Or you could just be blunt and say you can’t afford to bring them at all. You’re going in a holiday and they’re welcome to join if they pay themself. This (and my other /2nd option) gives them an incentive to get a job.
and if they don’t want to join, they can either get a job to finance a holiday with a friend or have a boring summer. Win win to making them more aware of finances I would say.

I voted YANBU but I understand your dilemma as I love family time together during the holidays (my oldest is nearly 19). Given their ages you know this might be the final year (or one of the last years) and that can feel a bit sad. I try to hold on to having our kids join us on holiday! BUT you shouldn’t do something which you can’t really afford, and especially if they didn’t seem to enjoy the family holiday the last 2 years. Honestly op, it sounds like your kids need to become a bit more financially indrpendent and understand money doesn’t grow on trees. In your case, I would be honest with them and I’d do one of the following;

• say you simply can’t afford to bring them on a holiday this year (explain why! Uni costs and they haven’t got jobs so all your money is going into financing them) but you would like to do something together, so want to plan a night away for the 4 of you, and you want a trip with just their dad.
• or: say you simply can’t afford to bring them but would like to go on a family holiday. But they will need to contribute if they want to come. Decide how much you are willing to pay for them and they will have to pay the rest themself. Eg you will pay the accommodation but they have to pay their own flight and you expect them to pay a meal /x number of meals.

We're paying for our 3 children plus eldest girlfriend, both 18. I might be selfish but I just want family holidays to continue for as long as possible and they all want to come! Very expensive but I'd rather sacrifice something else as they couldn't afford to come otherwise.

Totally justifiable. My friend now has two kids at uni and has already told both of them that they need to get jobs - eldest this year and youngest next year as she's in her first year. She'll bankroll them through their first year and will pay their accommodation every year, but once they're into their second year and beyond any other spends are on them. They have the choice to get a job over the summer to earn enough for the next year, or get a part time job while they're at Uni (or both if they want even more money).

They have the option of going on holiday with them, but they'll have to contribute something themselves if they want to go.

Unless you're very wealthy, you have to draw the line somewhere. For you, that line is holidays.

"Sorry kids - with covering your costs at home and at Uni, we just can't cover 4 people for a holiday any more. If you want to come you'd each need to pay us £X"

My parents stopped paying for me at 18. I think I did go away with them a couple of years after that, but I paid for everything, obviously.

Go in term time without them. Much cheaper.

We do not take our uni age kids on holiday (haven't since younger one was 16, except the odd week skiing, the last of which was very hard work). We expect them to go on their own holidays if they can afford it, or build their CVs with jobs, internships, courses etc. And we make sure our main holiday is not appealing to them! Though they have not shown desire to come as they have their own interests and plans.

Do your own thing OP. And make sure the expectation is there that they do theirs.

Im fully aware of this.
But that is not the same as "all students should be working"

@Doteycat that’s nice for your dc but the reality is that for many uni students they simply wouldn’t be able to afford to study without a job.

I must be doing something wrong. My 3 dds are 23, 21 and nearly 18 and still enjoy/expect to come on holiday with us.

They’ve done short breaks with friends plus the usual inter-railing and Camp America but longer holidays with us and so far we’ve paid for them.

Older two have graduated are now working but not earning a huge amount yet.

How do you tell them they’re no longer invited?

totally fine to leave them behind. If they were making a real effort to find their financial feet (I'd be a bit more lenient with the uni student) AND really wanted to come then I'd be feeling charitable but in this case no. I didnt go on holiday with my parents once at uni.I think I went away with them the summer between a levels and uni but not since, I didn't want to. Went away with mates though!

I don't think anyone should go on holiday - you all need to stay and sort your children out. Some serious conversations about the dead-end tattoo artist career and you have to FORCE them both to get a part-time job, and the one who is not at uni has to be worked on, so he/she will go to uni to get a useful degree or go to college to get a useful degree with progression to a job immediately after graduation. All that nonsense - 'they will figure for themselves' is just nonsense, they never will. How can you even think about going on holiday if your dc are on course to a financial disaster?

I started going with friends/boyfriend from 18 onwards so I think this is normal and fine. That said, dc have announced they want to carry on with family holidays until they’re 30! They’re 13-16 at the moment so hoping that’ll change.