To consider not taking our 19 and 20 yr old on holiday this year

My parents stopped taking me and my brother away when he turned 18 and I was 14. They'd leave us alone for a couple weeks and the neighbour would come in to check on us morning and night.
Even before that, my brother never wanted to go and would sit in the hotel room the whole time.
Why are you considering taking grown adults on a fully funded holiday? Seems silly to me

Personally, if my kids still wanted to go on holiday with me, I would rather do a cheaper holiday or loan than not take them. I know one day it will no longer happen and my time with them will be done as they will have their own lives and families. You don't have to pay their accommodation though. My parents never did. I got my own debt and cleared it after uni. Just something to think about. Might incenticise them to work.

You do understand that they are only getting minimum loan because of your family income? So you're just making up the difference between what they would have had as a loan and what they can get due to your income being higher?

That being said my two are both at uni and I'm looking forward to as many holidays with them as I can as I don't know how much longer they'll want to come with us!

Surely at their ages they wouldn't want to go on holiday with The Olds? But, yes, at 18 upwards they are (or should be) independent adults. As a minimum, if they do want to go on holiday with you then they have to pay their own way.

Fair enough in term time, but Uni students get almost 5 months a year of holiday! They should at least be taking on work over the summer break, which is usually from early June to late September, and picking up shifts over Christmas too.

I'm shocked to see so many people saying their children stopped wanting to come on holiday by the time they were late teens! My older children (22 and 16) would absolutely come on any family holiday! My eldest has mostly paid for themselves though since age 18 (and shared the cost of meals etc.)

for me growing up it was different as my mum was on her own so I went on holidays with her until I was 18. We enjoy our adult children’s company, neither have a partner just now so if they want to come then we don’t mind as long as hey pitch in while on holiday eg dinner and drinks on occasion.

I stopped getting taken on holiday when I was 16. Partially finance though I assume also partially because a was a miserable cow getting dragged around without my friends or boyfriend.

Honestly I think it's a bit crazy you've been taking them until now. I think usually about 16/17 is when parents stop taking their kids on holiday, when they're no longer eligible for a discounted rate.

Ours are 18 and 20 . We have booked accommodation.big enough for all of us and said if they want to come they have to get their own flights. I think the young one won't bother, would rather be home with his girlfriend without us and will likely go on holiday with his friends. The older.one already has a holiday booked with his friends but might still come with us. They're both working and we don't have lots of money, so I don't feel too guilty

Dd still comes with us because we pay for her to come. She does buy the odd dinner and drinks when away.

she also goes abroad with her friends on holiday too and pays for it all. She likes both holidays as they are so different to each other and tbh I’d still go on holiday with my mum if she was paying for me to go too!

Same here. As soon as I was able to go abroad with friends (18 years old), I did so.
I can't imagine why a 19 and 20 year old want to go on holiday with their parents, unless their parents are paying for it all. Even then I still would still have wanted to do my own thing, so I wouldn't have gone.

Our last holiday with DC was when they were 17. They didn't want to come after that!

And me 😊

Me too! Stoped going away with my parents and siblings at 17 my DD is 19 and still wanting to holiday with us (she does holidays with friends and boyfriend too), but she is very welcome as long as she (or any of mine) want to holiday with us. And I love it.

For you maybe. A bit sad if they don’t want to spend time with you. Or you with them.

This is lovely that you are all so close. Sorry for your loss.

I am a single parent and my DS is a 19 year old Uni student. He sounds just like your two. He works hard at Uni, has 2 jobs and decent savings. I have just booked a cruise for DS and I - the cruise was his choice of holiday. I have paid, but he will definitely pay for lunches and drinks when we get off the cruise for day trips. We still enjoy going away together.

He is off Uni at the moment, after completing a load of assignments and assessments in the last 10 days. Today, he has emptied and filled the dishwasher, been to the supermarket, ironed a load of clothes and has just made me a brew. I have no issue with still treating him to a holiday with me because he is lovely and doesn’t try and take advantage of me at all. He is always grateful for anything I give him.

It depends if you can afford it and you enjoy being with them on holiday (and vice versa). I have been prepared for the last few years for my eldest dd (19) to not want to come on holiday with us, but she still enjoys it. She goes away with her mates and to festivals too but she still loves our family holiday (me Dh and 3 DDs). We hire villas and we do day trips and some days chilling by our pool or the beach. It’s super relaxing and I love having her there. So as long as she wants to be there she is welcome.

so the question remains do you want them with you, would they want to come and can you afford it. 😊I love our family holidays but if you would prefer or want to enjoy a holiday with just your dh then that’s your prerogative too.

What sort of holiday was it?

Me too. Exactly this. 100%. Memories and family time is most important to me.

It’s nuts nowadays this. I don’t remember any mates going on holiday with their parents after the age of 16. Not one. When did this become a thing?

Do you enjoy their company? My kids are younger, so I’m not speaking from experience, but right now I’m definitely of the mindset that this phase of life is so short and that I want to hang out with my kids for as long as possible, and that it will be them that decides they don’t want to holiday with me long long long before I decide I don’t want them on (some) of my holidays.

We've got DS18 at 6th form, DD20 living at home and working and DS22 at uni. We've booked an inexpensive self catering place in the UK and said anyone who wants to can join us (including DDs boyfriend) and it's our treat. The accommodation is basic and it's not costing too much. We did the same last year and they all came and enjoyed it.

That didn't stop us doing other trips last year including DH and me together. DD and I also went to France and she paid for herself. We've got separate trips planned this year too but I'm pleased DC still want to join a family holiday.

YANBU but I would have a conversation with them about it, so no one has any surprises.

FWIW we usually go SC, and so DS can come along or not, for all or part of the time. The decision is usually made last minute (by him) 🙄

Obviously for many holiday bookings this is not possible.

If I could afford it, I'd pay to take them on holiday. They can't afford a holiday, they're your kids, I'd pay if I could. Yes they need to learn how to stand on their own two feet, but I'd be withdrawing everyday financial support, not holidays. Just me though.

If I was struggling to make ends meet, I wouldn't.