To consider not taking our 19 and 20 yr old on holiday this year

You’ve “quoted” something I didn’t say or even suggest 😂

It's just me and DS so that makes our holidays cheaper - we went away at Christmas and are looking at somewhere for summer. He might also go away with Uni friends - but it's precious time together doing something we both enjoy. I can still remember the last holiday I went on with my family and it's important memories.

There will come a time when he wants to do his own thing - and good for him when he does that. I can then do my own thing.

^

This!

Great!! And if they want holidays they will need to get jobs to pay for them.

Not necessarily, my husband died unexpectedly a couple of months after the holiday I mentioned (aged 50). I never got the years of happy empty-nesting I had planned.

When my oldest daughter turned 17 there were times she didn’t want to come with us on UK holidays.
She had some friends over for company and we returned to the house in a reasonable state .
laundry a bit piled up and not as clean as I’d have it but it was absolutely fine.
Other times she did want to come along for the holiday and that was fine , didn’t cost extra for transport we were all in the one car .
She got coffees and cake for us sometimes and we weren’t extravagant eating out .
Middle girl continued to come with us for quite some time after she turned 18 but at some point started travelling herself overseas .
youngest has disabilities so we have had only one break away without her ( not easy to organise )
i don’t think you’re being unreasonable not wanting to take them if they’re not going to contribute in any way at all

If I could afford it, I would pay for them if they still wanted to come. You have years of going without them ahead.

When I was 16, on holiday with my parents, my father said: " I hope this is the last time you're coming on holiday with us...."
I looked a bit surprised, then he added. . .
"-you've got a bicycle, a passport and a youth hostel card, -and you know I'll give what it would cost me to take you away with me and your mother . . . ."
I never looked back.

THIS

@PersephoneSmith Bloomin’heck, how strange that the school did that given he was legally an adult!

DH and I didn't take our son on holiday with us one year, it was in term time, he was at school.

The school were absolutely furious, I got many messages and emails from them whilst I was away, demanding to know how we dared leave our son home alone whilst we went on holiday.

I had to point out several times that DS was 18 years old, with his own car and driving licence and it was perfectly acceptable for him to be 'home alone'
So yes, leave them at home 😁

@Ciri I think it depends on the course. My DD didn't have anything to work on over the winter break as she'd had exams at the end of term.

She was able to work for her summer employer as they needed extra staff over the busy Christmas period. It worked well for both sides - the employer didn't need to train her up as she already knew the job and it meant that some of their regular staff could take days off over Christmas as both DD and another summer employee were available to fill for them.

The reality is that Christmas for most students is a maximum of 4 weeks. almost a week of that is christmas/new year itself. Generally they have essays to submit in the first week and then exams when they go back.

Most employers are no longer prepared to take on students for 3-4 weeks. They're just not. There is so much regulation/process to go through nowadays that it simply isn't worth their while. The zero hours/gig economy has destroyed the opportunity for students to find work.

Even summer can be difficult to find work particularly if the student is away on holiday at all.

It depends on the course but it's entirely possible for most students to do a bit of part time work when retail/ the post office is extra busy and still complete their coursework. If you're in a position to fund them through Uni then it's nice for them I suppose. Most will have to work.

Absolutely not over Christmas. The amount of coursework they have to do in the break makes that impossible.
Summer? Yes when they can get jobs, one dd did a J1 which doesnt generate much income, and the other on erasmus which didnt end until Aug and then college startedd again Sept 10th. Kinda hard to get a PT job in those situations.
Its not as simple as "pick up shifts".
As far as im concerned, their job is to graduate as well as they possibly can and its my job to facilitate that. If I can afford holidays as well, well happy days.
IF they want to come with, ill pay happily.

YANBU in the slightest, everything depends on your family and your financial situation.

We're lucky in that our 18 year old uni student (and her boyfriend) still enjoy coming away with us so we're happy to pay while we can, they're also aware that if the situation ever changes they need to contribute.

My older sister and I were about that age when it wasn't naturally assumed we'd be going on holiday with them. It was also assumed that the holidays we'd be interested in, weren't the ones my parents wanted to do.

Our parents went on some amazing holidays during that age, including a month in New Zealand and a 3-week US road trip. Oh well!

Mine are similar ages. Yes we are still taking them on most holidays. Some are more enjoyable than others…so we are just finding our way as everyone has developed different tastes (including me)

YANBU to try a holiday as a couple. I wouldn’t frame it that they are not invited due to their limited means though. We would make a small contribution to their own plans in this scenario, so they could go with their friends instead.

Start saying no to the takeaways and luxuries or you are going to become very resentful and it will damage your relationship with them.

My DC have all said they’re coming for as long as we are paying! The realities of the real world have started to kick in and they’re started to realise how lucky they are

You can still holiday with friends but enjoy a tamomt holiday …
maybe some teens their parents company and still enjoy spending time and making memories with them.
I went solo travelling and travelling with friends but still enjoyed a family holiday !

I was thinking this exact thing 🤣🤣
I still enjoy holidays with my parents and alwaYe have - suppose it depends on the parents 🤣🤣🙈 my dad took me to my first night club in Tenerife 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I wouldn't be putting up with this?! Being tight about paying keep while getting new tattoos? Turning down work over the christmas holidays? Cut them off. You are enabling them to behave this way

Holidays are extremely expensive and if you can’t afford it you can’t afford it.

i do think you are being unreasonable about the job for tge student who has just started uni. They’re very difficult to come by unless they’re in London. University towns have thousands of kids all going after the same jobs and in todays world of zero hours contracts businesses don’t want students with variable timetables who are only around for 30 weeks of the year

I think that was really selfish of your parents, @Onlyme234 You were still a child. Did you get a separate holiday with/without them? Or just no holiday.