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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think it’s unfair to criticise me for moaning?

34 replies

Vestre · 09/01/2025 18:56

I’m 20 and in a very good RG uni having done excellently in my A Levels.

i didn’t want to go to this uni - I wanted to go in my home city but felt obliged to go to the other more academic one I’m in now, which is the one my abusive mum wanted me to go to and I’m scared of her reaction if I defy her

my mum hates my boyfriend who lives in my home city - this is another reason I think she wanted me to go to my current more academic uni in another city

when I came home over Xmas I expressed I didn’t like my uni to my mum she said

”I don’t want moaning!”

im 20 yo ffs!!!! I hate my uni and am counting down the days til I can leave. It’s shit - I only went to this uni to please my mum NOT because I wanted to go and now I’m being criticised for moaning about it

OP posts:
VoltaireMittyDream · 09/01/2025 19:03

Unfortunately, if your mother is abusive (a) complaining to her isn’t ever likely to be met with sympathy (b) she’s going to criticise.

It sucks, but this is the dynamic you’re in. You can’t change her, you can only try to protect yourself. If you need to vent, find a more sympathetic person to vent to. It will just lead to more heartache trying to get from your mum what she can’t give.

I’m sorry that you are in this situation.

Arlanymor · 09/01/2025 19:02

You're 20 - you're an adult, you can change university if you want to. I get that you felt railroaded into your initial decision, but take some time to really consider your options now and why you want to change. Is it because the other university has the course you really want to pursue or is it because you'd be closer to your boyfriend? If the former then fair enough, if the latter then you need to think longer term about your employment prospects.

This isn't about you not being able to complain/moan - it's about taking proactive action to do what is right for you, regardless of what anyone else says - it's your future after all and you're not a child anymore.

Original poster
Vestre · 09/01/2025 19:02

Vaxtable · 09/01/2025 19:00

So change Unis then. And just present it to your mother. You are already not living at home, so just continue to not live at home if you change Unis

Good idea

OP posts:
Original poster
Vestre · 09/01/2025 19:02

Nextyearhopes · 09/01/2025 19:00

It doesn’t sound great OP, but neither does the idea of you living at home and attending a local uni. It sounds like you need to be away from family right now.

Have you made any friends at uni? Joined any societies? Uni can be great but first term is brutal.

Yes I’ve met some people but it’s still shit

im dying to earn money so I can live independently from my mum even if it’s a factory tbh

OP posts:
Original poster
Vestre · 09/01/2025 19:00

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Yes

OP posts:
Nextyearhopes · 09/01/2025 19:00

It doesn’t sound great OP, but neither does the idea of you living at home and attending a local uni. It sounds like you need to be away from family right now.

Have you made any friends at uni? Joined any societies? Uni can be great but first term is brutal.

Vaxtable · 09/01/2025 19:00

So change Unis then. And just present it to your mother. You are already not living at home, so just continue to not live at home if you change Unis

LostMyLanyard · 09/01/2025 19:00

It's easy enough to change uni...my daughter changed mid-year. Same course, nearer home. Best thing she did!

Knackerdeep · 09/01/2025 18:58

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