DMIL giving TV time and oven food for toddler - should I say anything?

Let it go. There are days in your future when chicken nuggets and 30 mins of tv will be a godsend to you. Look at the whole
picture. They sound loved and happy.

If you object pay a shedload for a nanny who
will offer organic delights..but know that chicken nuggets are not going away. They will be at parties and playdates.

Let it go, little ones don't stay small for long. It sounds like they will be eligible for nursery soon, where they will encounter frubes full of sugar and kids with crisps and you will wonder all day if their key worker likes them and remember that they were safe and loved at nannys and...you will miss these times.

This sums it up. OP wants to save the shortcuts for herself and expects others to do the heavy lifting.

I would tell you to look after your own child if you don't like how I do it. she is doing you a favour she isn't a nanny.

So basically you’re peeved because you want to feed chicken nuggets etc. yourself so expect your free childcare to do the ‘healthy’ stuff for you. 🤦‍♀️

I have never told my MIL a single thing when she looks after my kids - I don't even know what they do. Sometimes she tells me what they eat. Sometimes they sleep. Zero rules or restrictions from me.

Just grateful she looks after them. At the moment she has my son once a week for the whole day. I would not dream of telling her what to do, unless I caught wind of something unsafe.

Screen times and oven food, I wouldn't even think about bringing that up. So OTT. My son is 2.

He has screen time at home and occasionally oven food as well. It is what it is. He's a clever, healthy boy. 80/20 rule.

Hi! Chronic illness mum of 2yo and 5yo!

I’d ask her to add frozen peas to the oven meal and a banana as a snack. If babysitting time overlaps her meal time ask her to share a bite. When you need to do easy meals get the healthiest stuff in your freezer you can and freeze some stuff as you cook. Ask your mum to freeze some of her specialties too for you to have as emergencies. You can check the brand of nuggets or fries she buys and buy a better brand if you want.

My mum is ill like me so her default grandma supper is jarred pasta sauce. I’m trying to get her to buy the no sugar one I use. If not, I’ll buy her 5-6 jars. She is good about adding a veg and when she’s well she does fish or curries.

My MIL makes home cooked food if she watches the kids, or feeds junk. And never a meal, just carbs and sweets. We try saying it’s okay to give x, but also please give a fruit or veg or something. So after a reminder she’ll slice a banana or cook a chicken drumstick then go back to the same. She will also show the worst trash on youtube. We’re getting her more markers and playdough, but we can’t really convince her. She’s also rarely doing childcare but lives in our basement apartment so sees them lots.

our kids have to deal with compromises due to our health. It is what it is

The post doesn’t read that way at all. Good of you to think positively of her though.

As my dad says when he’s babysat “there’s a reason you don’t have babies in your 60’s!” Toddlers are hard work, entertaining them for 4 hours can be challenging.

OP you sound insufferable quite frankly.

You prep the food and send him over with dinner and healthy snacks.
There hpuse there rules. If they watch TV then they shouldn't be expected ro change this habit.

My DB did the same when his DC were young. He would come to DM house and tell her what to do in her house. No TV turn it off. Not how about you stay home with your kids in your TV free life.
We don't let the kids watch TV but when they visit other homes then we have no say. Parents / in-laws / aunts etc etc. We just ask it is not anything inappropriate for a toddlers/kids. My DM watches her soaps and dramas and cooking shows.

As you're probably aware most children's programmes are education. When my DGS was tiny he loved Blaze and the monster machines which is heavily physics based. Now he's older, junior school age he loves all sorts of TV he knows about volcanoes, archaeology, weather and wildlife.

If managed correctly screen time isn't necessarily bad. I'd also write off the food and ensure that they eat healthily the rest of the week.

Yes it is. It's marvellous!

This is so wholesome. What lovely memories.

We don't know that mother-in-law doesn't do those things in addition to television, my mother did. Also she only looks after the child two half days a week.

YABU.

You have a MIL that looks after your son twice a week.

God, my parents look after mine and let them eat ridiculous things for breakfast and chocolate for snacks. They have the tv on in the background all day and naps are in the car because they cannot get their heads around staying in between 11-2 to get some downtime for nap time. It's not ideal but I don't really mind because it's only twice a week and they're having the best time ever and not missing me while I'm at work 😂.

I get it’s frustrating when dgp’s don’t listen to your wishes when looking after our kids. When mine were little we had instances of them giving them dummies even though we’d decided not to, cutting my son’s hair (first hair cut done by fil with a set of kitchen scissors!) and being given far far too many sweets and biscuits despite our constant requests not to.

It was frustrating at the time for sure and my poor dh had to listen to my moaning on about it but in hindsight now the kids are teens no damage was done. Neither of them had a dummy, my sons hair grew back and we laughed about it afterwards and despite free reign with the biscuits and sweets neither kid ended up obese!

Both my in laws died at 61 cutting short the time my kids had with them, cut your mil some slack and let her enjoy the time she has with your little one. Batch cook healthy meals for when you’re not well so your son doesn’t have to eat oven food at home.
Showing an increased interest in watching tv and a fondness for chicken dippers is pretty normal at 2.

I recall spending a great deal of time with my grandmother. We did and made all kinds of amazing things.
i realised when i was a parent she was simply including me in her day to day tasks, sewing, weeding, cooking even laundry! I had the best life when i was with her, learned many things and always wanted to return.
Your MIL is missing out on the opportunity of a lifetime!

OP - I stuck my baby in front of CBeebies and Ms Rachel as a newborn. She learnt to talk at 7 months and could count to 10 at a year (despite me never ever counting with her).

I entirely credit the TV for her learning, she couldn't have got it from anywhere else. I even started to try phonics with her recently (she's 2 now) and she'd learnt every letter sound already, I presume from Alpha blocks.

My siblings were also stuck in front of CBeebies all day as kids and both went to Oxbridge.

Kids TV is often pretty educational, I really wouldn't worry about it.

This is brilliant! So mumsnet

mainecooncatonahottinroof · Yesterday 20:16

BrotherViolence · Yesterday 16:47
She does sound a bit useless (she can't manage to entertain a kid for a few hours and feed them some proper food?) but it's just how a lot of people of that generation parented, in my experience. Especially the things about making separate "kid" and "adult meals". She is doing you a favour, though, so I think you could say that you're trying to limit his screen time and feed him fresh food as much as possible (or even better, your partner can raise this) but you can't necessarily expect her to change.

"How a lot of people of that generation parented" - bloody hell!!!
Talk about a fucking generalisation!!!!
And she doesn't "sound a bit useless" either!! How sanctimonious!

THIS!!

Unbelievable!!

How DARE you call an older woman who is doing you such a favour "useless"!! And "how that generation parented"!

Oh, but then, after staying with my DD and family abroad, taking the DGC out for a long walk to the playground, and for icecream, DGD couldnt wait to get home to mother to announce, joyfully, that "Granny took us to the pub!"

Oh dear dear, the way we oldies parent...

OP I understand what you are saying & concerns re food & TV time. I get it.

But, respectfully I think you are really lucky that your MiL is happy to offer those 2 afternoons. As someone who didnt get any help from my own healthy 60s In Laws who lived locally (or my Mum as she was elderly & ill by the time we had our children), I think you should try to look at the plus points & be grateful. You should also consider your MiL POV. Dont forget you are getting:

1. Free child care thats freely offered.

1. Developing the close family relationship & bond between your child & your MiL.

1. MiL

Nb she doesnt HAVE to help by having your child 2 afternoons a week. She is doing you a favour. Grandparents dont have to compulsory help out and it shouldnt be taken for granted. Its just really lovely to see grandparents who do. Your MiL may not be doing things your way, but she is still helping & taking interest in your child.

And I do really sympathise with your illness OP. I have a chronic degenerative condition myself. Luckily mine has only really taken more serious effect in my 50s. I cant imagine how Id have coped back then if I was like am now. So you have my admiration how you are doing this).

1. Your child

1. Individuality

Two afternoons a week where food & TV are more lax wont hurt. Look at the plus points and notvthe negatives.

I think at 20 months it is hard to be constantly doing something with them, I am sure she will do more with him as he gets older. Tbf I have had a similar discussion re mil and our kids who are older who seem to sit on tablets all day when they are round there in the holidays, they never take them out, even summer hols. We are now taking more time off between us to cover holidays so this is not a big issue any more.
Re the food I am grateful if someone else feeds my kids and I would never comment on what they feed them, it helps me out hugely.

I look after my DGC 1 day a week 2.1/2 years old. They did ask me to put the TV on the other day and at the moment they are not interested in the new toys or books that they had for Christmas which is rather a shame, I was looking forward to reading something new! They go to nursery the rest of the week so they are getting plenty of the correct kind of stimulation and interaction.

Sometimes I just have to give in and switch the TV on especially if I am asked very very nicely, which I was last time. Unfortunately they have specific programmes that they seem to want to watch eg Wheels on the Bus and YouTube has many of these. I try to avoid CocoMelon and some of the other American ones.

Hoping now they've been back at nursery for a week we can ditch the TV again or limit the amount of time

You need to lighten up a bit otherwise school days are going to be a nightmare for you.

You can't hold you MIL to higher standards than you as the mother deliver. If you want him to have healthy food batch cook and freeze when you are well and send some to MIL. A couple of afternoons of TV really isn't going to do any harm. A lot of preschool TV programs are educational anyway.
I think you are probably feeling guilty for not being able to do all you want to when you are unwell and are projecting this on MIL. There is no need to feel guilty. I don't remember adult led activities when I was a child, I did well in education and I am healthy. I think expectations on parenting are way too high these days.