DMIL giving TV time and oven food for toddler - should I say anything?

I’ve read the thread and while I appreciate that life is sometimes hard for you, I think the level of control you are trying to exert is not at all normal however.

Life is about balance. And raising a healthy child, one who is able for life and all its challenges, is predominantly based on love, nurturing and security.

It sounds like you are doing a good job. It also sounds like your child’s grandmother is doing a good job. You can’t simply dictate terms and not just because she is doing you a favour but because she is his grandmother and it is HER home. If your child was being mistreated or was unhappy there that’s one things but their time is THEIR time and I think it obnoxious to try and control that.

The time your child spends with her should
afford you a valuable lesson for life going forward as your child grows older. Because I can guarantee you that you trying to dictate food and activities at birthday parties or play dates in the future will really really not go down well with others.

You are obviously doing your best and that’s fine but you will have to let go of this level of rigidity @Chilliinitiative or you’re in for a world of heartache.

I don't understand why everyone is being so mean and aggressive. I think instead of telling your MIL not to do certain things so you can do them instead when you're struggling (which is fair btw!), maybe just make it more general. Eg "we're trying to limit processed food, would you mind giving him scrambled eggs/sandwich/whatever else instead of chips more often". Or make a super easy packed lunch for him. Batch cook soup to heat up? Or "we're trying to limit screen time, do you think it would be possible to limit it to half hour / one or two shows per stay". Nothing wrong with polite requests.

Mayana1 · Today 20:11

Soonenough · Yesterday 14:19
She's not letting him watch Squid Games is she and two times a week of chicken nuggets and chips won't make a long term difference. Or you can prepare food on your good days and send it with him and freeze some for your own off days . Do not sacrifice good free childcare over these issues . Nobody else will love your child like his grandmother.
Seriously??? I am totally against fast food, my little one will be 3 in few weeks, he had chips, lets say about 5 times in this 3 years. As a mother yes, sometimes we do lasagna and mac and cheese, but this is only on rare occasions. No I do not want him to eat that 2 times per week and mother in law should be much wiser and try to feed him healthy. My mom grows her own veggies and the only fast food in her house is Pizza 2-3 times per year. That is the environment I grew up in and I am passing it to my little one. I do love fast food though, but I know how bad it is for my child, so I am not letting him having it. And limited screen time to educational shows that he actually learns from. Yes the op is YANBU.

OMG! Talk about precious! One day you will look back at what you wrote and shudder at how you come across.
A little "junk food" never hurt anyone, if the child's parents are feeding them properly on the other days. My own DC grew up happy, healthy, highly intelligent in both IQ and EQ.

She is the right to decide what her child will eat and suggest how much screen time is allowed and what shows to watch.

She also has the right to bugger right off and find paid childcare. Pay the piper and call the tune.

Sorry but I must say, get a grip.

I am a 60 year old grandmother and I can tell you that retired (early) or not you do not have the energy you had when you were 30! I live with one of my daughters/she lives with me etc and 3 grandsons 5,7 and 14 and do a huge amount of child care and cooking. And am exhausted!
I also do not get the snobbery around “oven food” when I was a young mum in the 1990,s /2000’s everyone railed about microwave meals and for my own mothers generation in the 1970,s it was “TV dinners” all deemed the work of the devil! Nonetheless we all had these from time to time and survived it🙄 You should just be thankful that you are getting this help as you pointed out nobody is entitled to help from grandparents or wider family!
my eldest grandson only liked beige food when he was a toddler but at 14 he will now happily eat spicy food (my preferred cuisines) garlic pepper etc and will always try new things, this despite the odd ready made pizza and garlic bread 😱
Also perhaps your MIL rightly sees herself as having earned the right to take things a bit easier at 61 and to enjoy her grandchild in a way that only a grandparent can.

My MIL did stuff with my kids that drove me nuts. But, it's GP time. They get to do all the rubbish, bad-for-them things because they hand them back. It's only twice a week. If you're really concerned, you could maybe batch-cook and send frozen portions for her to defrost and heat up?

So 2 days of junk per week you find alright? What are you feeding your children with though? McDc every day?

I do think you are overthinking all of this and suggest you see it as a slight interruption in your level of care. He is clearly safe, and looked after at Grandmas so really no worries. Concentrate a bit more on your own well being. Take care.

What I’m hearing from the post is u and dh don’t feel heard or respected by mil . You said earlier She didn’t like the subject being brought up. This will grow and boundaries will be broken. We have grandchildren and know we aren’t parents. We ask and understand why things are important it’s about her and not respecting she’s not the parent. She can’t be spending much time with the child if they are watching lots of tv and hen being fed fast food. Use ur free nursery hours when you can and remember you are both important to the child but treating the relationship respectfully with communication will gain results..

Seriously??? I am totally against fast food, my little one will be 3 in few weeks, he had chips, lets say about 5 times in this 3 years. As a mother yes, sometimes we do lasagna and mac and cheese, but this is only on rare occasions. No I do not want him to eat that 2 times per week and mother in law should be much wiser and try to feed him healthy. My mom grows her own veggies and the only fast food in her house is Pizza 2-3 times per year. That is the environment I grew up in and I am passing it to my little one. I do love fast food though, but I know how bad it is for my child, so I am not letting him having it. And limited screen time to educational shows that he actually learns from. Yes the op is YANBU. She is the right to decide what her child will eat and suggest how much screen time is allowed and what shows to watch.

You should be grateful and thankful that your MIL is providing free and loving childcare. Many other parents do not have this level of support so maybe you should appreciate what she does for you. The way you critisise her is completely unreasonable

I absolutely agree with every word and I’m 65, currently looking after 3 for the night and they’re having a fun time with me. Not many rules here, that’s the great thing about being Nana

But nuggets aren't the only "quick and easy meal". So it doesn't matter if he has that 2x a week. You can give him other quick things.

Eg micro scrambled egg, wholemeal toast and beans.

Micro jacket potato cheese and cucumber sticks.

Frozen veg and lentil soup and a buttered roll.

Just be pleased you’re getting free safe childcare. If he watches children’s tv so what? You can’t make rules like this for family. Just let them enjoy the 4 hours they have

I'm with you OP, if your MIL has offered to look after your DS she could restrict tv to half hour, he is too young to watch too much tv and she could feed him decent food, or are they eating junk food themselves? I would be annoyed too.

OVEN FOOOOODDD 😱😱😱

OP has made me realise how truly horrific my own diet must be as I'm genuinely perplexed at the idea that there is such a category as oven food, far less that it is a bad for you. 😳

Microwave food and ready meals - aware of that. But stuff that goes in the oven being inherently bad now too?

Having looked after our GC all day I can empathise with your MIL. It is absolutely shattering and couldnt wait for them to be picked up! A 20 month old needs supervision at mealtimes so difficult to enjoy a peaceful dinner. Do you sit as a family and eat together? We would eat after our GC went home and had a LARGE glass of wine.No matter how'fit' your MIL is she is no spring chicken. Also why point the finger are her? What about FIL ? As usual MIL can do nothing right but you're happy to make use of free childcare.

Maybe mention the screen time and an alternative that is an education show. I would batch cook food for my child and ask her to warm it up, that way you know they are eating what you would like.

Mandaxx25 · Today 18:39
Nobody looks after our kids but myself and my husband so we don't have this problem but I do see exactly what you're saying. Just because she takes him for you doesn't mean you should just have to put up with her going against what you believe in. I don't understand why so many grandparents and aunties/uncles have to be this way. It's respect to do what the parent asks because they're raising their child a certain way and you're just being a pain in the arse about it.
Especially seeing as you have said feed him what you're eating so she's going out of her way to make a separate meal of junk. So if she just did that and gave him the dinner she's made everyone else, you'd be cutting your issue in half immediately and wouldn't have to try to bring balance when you're feeling really unwell. I would never go above a parents wishes no matter how many favours I was doing them. It's just a control thing when people act like this. There's no need for it. The TV thing I would overlook BUT only if he's watching things that are ok to watch. There's so much on TV now that really is not suitable for kids and people argue that it is but my kids wouldn't be watching such shite. She's just being a melter. If I had my nephew to mind I'd do what his mum and dad asked me to do because I love them and care about what they're doing to raise their son right. We won't always agree but I have my own kids and my own ways that are nobodies business. This sort of thing really does my head in.

I had to read this several times to ascertain whether this post is serious. For entitlement, it takes the biscuit. I have never read such bombastic, self-absorbed nonsense. FFS ...send food with the child! Send a bag of books, colouring stuff, or in your case, for your precious prodigies, Grundzüge der Relativitätstheorie in the original German.

Yeah, come back in thirty years and tell us that.

This sounds like having your chicken nuggets and eating them too 😊 Honestly, choose your battles. There’s no evidence that screen time is bad for kids. And child minders/nurseries can be big on quick food. I wouldn’t be batch cooking, freezing and sending alternative fare to MIL’s either, as many have suggested. She’ll be insulted. Can you afford an ongoing schism? Use the valuable time with your DS instead…whether the telly’s on or not. He needs his gran, his mum, his dad. Love. The rest is just complications. If he had food sensitivities then fair enough, explain your terms. Otherwise be glad she’s there to help (do you work for that time, or rest? Either way are you taking her time for granted). Maybe she thinks her GS needs a treat and a more relaxed atmosphere than your ‘received’ opinion about what’s right and wrong re: (free) childcare. Loosen up a bit and enjoy your life.

Rather than making food she just wastes, make those meals and keep them on YOUR freezer, that way if you have a bad day, you can utilise a good meal rather than an oven one

This. There was a thread the other day about toddlers picking up incorrect grammar and bad ‘accents’ from nursery workers. Lots of replies agreeing how frustrating it is. I thought that was peak mumsnet but this thread is certainly competition 🤣 Mumsnet is amazing.

If you don't like how a "melter" looks after your precious children in their own time and for free then you should keep them home and look after them yourself.