DMIL giving TV time and oven food for toddler - should I say anything?

There is a child who used to be in one of my kids junior classes who was expressly forbidden from eating anything remotely processed or sweet by his parents. He has made quite the name for himself through the years due to his behaviour while attending whole class birthday parties. He used to, what I can only describe as gorge, on all foods within reach and then invariably puke. His pain in the arse mother always used to think it’s because her little monster simply wasn’t used to anything sweet 🙄when in fact her blanket ban on everything led him to display unregulated and disordered eating when faced with anything remotely frivolous.

It’s all about balance.

Gosh people are so cruel here! Yes the MIL is doing you a favour and doesn’t owe you anything and it’s free and blah blah blah 🙄
I totally get where you’re coming from. My mum is 63, since she battled the cancer for 2 years she has way less energy than she did before she got ill but she never gives my children junk (more sweets than i would). She doesn’t look after them regularly but it’s just her mindset, I was never fed junk or given much tv when I was a child. She plays with them or initiates an activity and just leaves them to it. My MIL is the opposite, like my DP says, he was always fed the “beige food” as a child and this is what we also get served when we go to hers for dinner. She’s an amazing granny but she has the most unhealthy diet and my kids eat that when they’re there. She always plays with her GC though for the amount of time we’re there.
OP it sounds like you and your DH tried to make subtle suggestions but it didn’t work so you either send your DC with packed lunch to reheat or you need to accept you won’t change your MIL’s mindset.
Also you could provide a tablet with downloaded programmes on Netflix you find suitable for your child. There are great cbbc apps too with creative activities or just colouring apps that my 2 yo loves.
on YouTube your MIL would have to search for the things you suggested. I find YouTube the worst option for my children TBH.

Mayana1 · Today 21:11

And it depends as well what school they go to.

That quote could have come direct from the genteel lips of our Hyacinth. :)

Whatever do you mean? If you mean that at a "better class of school" the kids get better food, it simply isn't true.

I am a grandma and sometimes looked after my grandkids when they were this age. Tbh I never liked nuggets and oven chips and always made them fresh food or frozen I had batch baked, im kinda old fashioned I suppose but there's times I can appreciate that these things would be easier to do. As far as tv, I used to love watching with them then do some arty crafty stuff as well.
I worked but from home and when I knew they were coming over I'd prepare for it the day before. I got complaints from one of their mums about them going home with flour, mud or paint on their clothes 😆 and other didn't care coz she knew they'd had fun. One moaned about the food or tv and the other didn't, so its a case of can't please everyone all the time. IMHO OP should be happy the child is safe and cared for.

Prep some healthy heat up meals that ds likes and mil can just heat up if that worries you and i would just suck up the concerns re the tv.

That's absolute nonsense.

No adult eats the same as they did when they were 2!!!

Hang on, she didn't say "fast food" - it's oven food afaik? I don't think she said the TV was on for the full 4 hours either?

Well you know what, my mother filled my children with the most unmentionable crap. I did protest but she wanted to spoil them, and she only saw them generally every other weekend. She bought them pretty much anything they wanted. We got there to a healthy lunch and then it was all downhill from then on.

I'm glad now she got the chance. She died when the eldest was just 9 and the youngest just 3. I'm so glad I didn't rain on her parade and she got to be the granny she wanted on her terms for the short time she got to be one - and it didn't do my kids any harm. The kids adored her.

I am with you OP. At this age you are shaping his habits, routines and palate. He will know that at nanny's house he will eat nuggets and watch TV and he thinks he can have it anytime now. So I am afraid at home you will have to be more strict not offering tv and offering a variety of healthy food. I also think that you could definitely prepare meals for him to take and just drop a message before meal time to your MIL to remind her. It's sweet of her to help you out but I don't agree that just because it's free childcare you can't have a saying on what is going on. Clearly this situation serves both of you. U get someone to look after your son and she gets to spend quality time with him. Your husband could definitely have a word with her as I think grandmothers sometimes just do whatever they want regardless. My MIL couldn't even be bothered feeding my DD just because she has a coffee for lunch. She would forget her lunch pack in the car and give her cucumber and gummies or ice cream. This would be the only food she would have from 11am to 4pm. Needless to say I stopped leaving DD with her for the day. DD was also quite young, around 2-3 yo and fussy with food. MIL would definitely choose the easy way...

Nah I couldn't be arsed.

Go on ya girl ye, and good luck with it! 🙄

If I was able to have some respite I would be totally fine with this, especially a 30 month old baby. Grandparents are to spoil GC.

Aye think so too.

You pack your own food to school and while he is allowed to try some, why having it 2 times per week? Did you ever bother to read that children eat too much salt by the age of 1 and the consequences, dont you think this could be connected??? Maybe if us as parents would bother more, than our children would not have to eat so much crap in schools, but because it is easier for us to feed them that, they of course demand that for school meals too. And it depends as well what school they go to.

YABU and ungrateful

Seriously??? I am totally against fast food, my little one will be 3 in few weeks, he had chips, lets say about 5 times in this 3 years. As a mother yes, sometimes we do lasagna and mac and cheese, but this is only on rare occasions.

I hope this was under controlled laboratory conditions.

YABU it’s a few hours a week and his grandmothers care one to one is soo much better than private daycare plus he’ll get nuggets n fishfingers etc there !!!
let it go and be grateful

I don't think you understand the difference in being your current age and 61.

It's not 2 days of eating only junk food is it?

You are being precious. Four year olds are exhausting. Unless she’s taking him out for an adventure the time will see long. All the questions and endless chatter and lack of focus. She may not want to set up arts and crafts in her home or get in hands and knees to play.

oven meals aren’t The end of the world. Tv time is not terrible in moderation. My kids are adults now and survived both of these just fine. I think if anything trying to stop them completely leads to obsessions later on. We had friends come over to play when ours were little who wanted to sit glued to a computer game or screen the whole time because it was limited so much at home.

DroopyEyelids · Today 20:30

I would feel the same way. Whether or not mumsnet agrees. If she has been pressured into helping out then sure ok, maybe she needs a break. But if she has volunteered, she shouldn’t have if she can’t whip up a basic meal and go to the park once in a while.

Did she jump or was she pushed?

I would feel the same way. Whether or not mumsnet agrees. If she has been pressured into helping out then sure ok, maybe she needs a break. But if she has volunteered, she shouldn’t have if she can’t whip up a basic meal and go to the park once in a while.

With regard to screen time, I am older than your MIL and one of my children woke up every day at around 5.30 am from being about 18 months to going to school. My husband worked away a lot and I lived hours away from my parents so mostly everything fell on me. He would never go back to sleep and so we were regularly downstairs at 5.30 and I would lie on the sofa with one eye closed and he would watch Thomas or Pingu until the blessed moment came at 6am when Sesame St started!
So my young child probably watched 2 hours of tv every day before the day even started...however he managed a 2.1 degree from Bristol Uni, is gainfully employed, is the most adventurous eater in the family etc etc. Try not to worry too much and do what you have to do to get by.

I'm still staggered she's resentful of her MIL's time in retirement!!!

This!!!

Maybe because the OP is so utterly unreasonable, and also because she has said she has already asked her MIL to do things differently to no avail.

I'm still staggered she's resentful of her MIL's time in retirement!!!

OK as a Mum with a youngish (8) child and several serious health concerns I can see why you want to make your own life easier on the rough days.

BUT I am also a grandparent to a 2yo. And sometimes we do amazing crafts, loads of activities etc etc and sometimes dgc just wants to snuggle on the sofa and be cuddled even if we have the best things planned. Sometimes we eat great meals and sometimes not.

It is very easy to say what you will you in the future but in reality being a grandparent can be exhausting and bloody hard work and as a grandparent you are the "get out space". It is the place where they get to bend the rules a bit or a lot..... it isn't home.

Relax! Your son will be fine. Variety is important and he is building an amazing relationship with his grandparents. Enjoy the free childcare and appreciate the positives.

Well you are going to have a world of hurt ahead of you if you are going to be so rigid, starting from when he goes to school. Are you going to stop him from going to parties, or forbid him to have school meals?

You won't always be able to control what your child eats, and sometimes it's the children who have been most rigidly controlled who are the ones that go mad eating crap when they have the opportunity.

Not every activity has to be about learning either. It's ok sometimes to just have fun!