DMIL giving TV time and oven food for toddler - should I say anything?

OMG have just remembered the leather football-like cardigan buttons! 😮

I think we all must be related as my grandad also had those cardigans with the leather buttons (knitted by my nan obvs)... but he gave me nesquik and biscuits in the morning.

This is by far the most hilarious post I've ever read on MN!! Talk about entitled and ungrateful!! Give the MIL a break!! (TV time, oven food 😅). She's helping you out big time! (Still chuckling about "oven food" and the obsession with "cooking from scratch " 😂). We can't do it all the time!

The main issue with screen time is tablets. You say you’re not planning to get him one so TV is fine.

Sometimes I feel people misunderstand the whole ‘screen time’ thing and go way overboard.

As previous posters have said, she loves him. She is doing no harm. If it was a bag of crisps and plonked in front of the TV the whole time that's different.

This isn't lazy of her, it's no doubt how your DH was raised and you thought he turned out so well you chose him put of all the men you could have.

Give her, and yourself, a break.
I understand how you feel but you can send food over with him?

I hope you don't feel we are criticising your feelings, OP. It's just much better to have Grandma time than to be farmed out with a huge childcare bill to someone that doesn't love him like Grannie does.

I hope you find a compromise where you can all be happier with the arrangements.

OMG are you my sister?!

So did I. He kept his digestives in a tin and I'd dip them in his tea while wearing his big cardigan with the buttons that looked like leathery footballs and always smelt of him. Radio 2 burbling in the backround. He also used to chop up Cadbury's Dairy Milk into squares and put them in a little plastic tub just for us.

Yeah I'd agree with that. How many of us have lovely memories with Grandparents maybe eating something our parents wouldn't give us and watching telly. Now we're obsessed with Montessori nurseries and organic meals but really those memories are priceless.

I remember staying with my Grandparents at the weekend and Grandad was always up super early. Id get up with him and we've have tea and biscuits and watch cartoons while everyone was still asleep. He passed away a long time ago and I still think about those happy times.

I agree and it's often the same with breast feeding. Women will run themselves physically and mentally into the ground, get huge feelings of inadequacy and raging PND trying to get to grips with BFing, which is a breeze for many people but hell on earth for others. They have a baby that is always hungry and never settles, they have a baby that never goes through the night long after everyone else's is sleeping 8-10 hours, they have a baby that is underweight, their nipples look like chopped liver and they can't delegate feeding to anyone ever so they can rest, but would they put a bottle with some formula in their babies mouth for a bit of respite? Would they hell, they'd rather drop dead of exhaustion first. All because they are terrified of being judged and found lacking as a mother.

I agree with this. I mean I'm all for a healthy diet for kids but some parents become so hyper focused on this, they lose all sense of perspective on anything else. I've seen all sorts on here, parents up at 4am baking their own bread because god forbid they eat a loaf bought in the supermarket. Limiting contact with grandparents, family members and friends due to the food being offered or screen time. Making their children feel different by insisting they eat a different alternative or packed lunch to a meal that is offered at school dinners/nursery which is what everyone else is offered.

A child's overall health isn't just nutrition alone, social and emotional development comes into this as well. If children are prevented from building relationships with trusted loving family members or made to be singled out by eating some different due to the food that is being offered, I imagine that is far more damaging than the occasional processed or unhealthy food items.

People need a break. I used to play endlessly with my toddlers - painting, drawing, pretend play, reading endless stories, listening to music and watching children's TV. Sometimes I just wanted to do something else, or needed to cook dinner, and they watched whatever was on (which in my day would be children's TV about that time) or played by themselves. MiL is giving up 8 hours of her time for free. She is bonding with her GS - OP needs to relax a bit.

You are unbelievably lucky. My DM and DMIL did not give us a single hour of childcare. My DC went to nursery and the cost crippled us (low salary job in social care).

You should be kissing your MILs hand in gratitude for what she is doing.

YABU.

I think parents put way too much pressure on themselves these days to feed their child the perfect nutritious food, limit screens and provide enriching activities for the vast majority of the day etc. Honestly, what you’ve described isn’t doing your child any harm at all. I grew up up in the 80’s and ate unhealthy food and snacks most days as well as watching loads of tv. I’ve grown up into a perfectly functioning adult who exercises, eats healthily, doesn’t have any health problems etc. Your child is loved, well cared for, is getting nutritious healthy meals for the majority of the time and is having far less screen time than most kids. In the kindest possible way, you need to relax a bit and stop sweating the small stuff.

if they are watching something like Bluey, the stories are often about games the dad plays with the kids, so it's a springboard for ideas for role play. My son watched CBeebies ( I think a tablet where they are flicking, swiping etc is not good until older - studies have reported this can be detrimental to them developing other skills if introduced too early). When he was 3 we bought one of those specific v-tech child tablets for him. We spent a lot of time doing other things with him until about 5/6 and then we were just too exhausted to care too much lol........ he's now 12 and a perfectly well rounded sociable being.

well the AAP recommended masking 3 year olds and vaccines for children during covid. Our governing bodies, thankfully, did not.

Honestly it's fine. Agree about a tablet but a television show on CBeebies or whatever is absolutely fine. Don't let it worry you. 4 hours is a lot of time for a grandparent to entertain a toddler.

Hey Op don’t let the Mum guilt get to you. The mental load is hard enough as it is.
It’s okay if some weeks he gets more oven food and screen time than others.

I have a chronic illness also and my DD just turned 2 a few days ago. There are some weeks my endo flares up at random times
and my DD gets oven food, those kids frozen meals and all the Hey Duggee and Bluey she wants. Then there a weeks everything is normal and she had her usual daily outings and activities. It’s all about balance.

I can guarantee you he’s not watching it for the 4 hours, his attention span is not there for that. And food thing also is normal, they go through fun random food phases, I can admit there have been times my DD has survived on just air.
You’re a good Mum and you are doing a good job. Don’t stress about your MIL, she’s spending those 8 hours loving him and that’s what he needs.

The schools in our area use Caterlink which has a varied menu of healthy food and junk food only on Fridays. My kids love it. I know not all areas have this though.

This is such an important post and illustrative of the fact that so many have become hyper focused on entirely the wrong things.

What childcare by grandparents offers is something that is not provided by anyone else or any other service. That is an attachment relationship with another family member, which is invaluable. Children need to be surrounded by people who love them and care about them and who they know will love them regardless. That, of course, is priceless and that is the primary advantage of your son spending time with his Nanny no matter whether he has chicken nuggets and watches tv. He is lucky to have that time as that will pay dividends in the future, which attending nursery or a childminder will not in that respect. You clearly don't understand the value that brings for your son in terms of his emotional resilience, which in my view is incredibly important for him.

Absolutely.
One day you will look back on this and wonder what you were worrying about.

I don't say that to be patronising because I do remember what it's like when your kids are small but take it from those of us further along the road that this really isn't worth the worry & potential bad feelings.

Now if she starts giving him cigarettes or alcohol at age 13 or something, then you might want to step in! 😉

A little one will only watch about 15 mins of TV at a time anyway. The TV may be on but I doubt they are actually sitting watching. I’m a babysitting 60+ Grandma too, and trust me she’s doing great. I’m a craft and artist nanny, so they get some of that. But I totally understand how hard it is for us older gals, there’s a reason we don’t carry on breeding!

Be a bit more humble she’s probably giving him things you don’t even understand. Trust is very important, after all she raised the man you wanted to marry. Stop being so judgmental. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar so praise her a little as well as thank her.