DMIL giving TV time and oven food for toddler - should I say anything?

She's doing what she can for you, if you want to dictate what happens then you need to pay someone op. Yabu

Honestly, some of my fondest childhood memories are curling up with my gran on the sofa, eating potato waffles with cheese and an oily fried egg, and watching the Silver Brumby. It did me absolutely no harm and I promise I'm now healthy, happy and still have a lovely relationship with my gran.

You sound really picky and fault finding. Just either look after him yourself or pay for childcare. They are doing nothing wrong IMHO.

Excellent idea! It's certainly more his responsibility than the person who's kindly providing 8 hours a week of free childcare.

YABU - You’re getting free childcare, you can’t set terms. Keep quiet.

It's interesting that the Royal College of Paediatricians has a different take on it than all the other leading bodies (World Health Organisation, American Academy of Pediatrics etc) who say that under 2 years old there should be no TV time at all.

It sounds like they are both making good memories. My nan had a thing for Bullseye and Jim Bowen (she used to fancy him rotten), so on Sundays at her house this is what we did, whilst eating chicken and chips. I still feel nostalgic when I see Bullseye now. The food once or twice a week is not really a problem, but if you thought it was you could always send a meal ready to warm up?

Actually there are...

pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10353947/#:~:text=Studies%20have%20indicated%20that%20compared,poorer%20vocabulary%20acquisition%20%5B15%5D.

jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/fullarticle/2808593

bmjopen.bmj.com/content/9/1/e023191

Completely agree.

If youre not happy with the care she provides then don't send him.

If it's good enough that you'd send him, then it's good enough.

Easy solution - use a nursery or childminder and you can expect good quality childcare and nutritionally balanced food. If time with grandma is full of "treats" that should be restricted/occasional then time with grandma needs to be restricted/occasional.

In 12 years’ time, when you are looking at a group of gawky teen boys including your DS, with no idea who in that group had what amount of TV time or what sort of diet they had when they were toddlers, and yet who have all turned out more or less the same and perfectly healthily and successfully, you’ll sort of realise that all those years ago, right now, you were being a bit precious.

If you’re often too unwell to cook for or entertain DS and DH doesn’t like DS eating freezer food, rather than hassle his mother who’s doing you both a favour, perhaps he could batch cook some healthy dinners for the freezer so that on your bad days you can just prepare those for DS rather than nuggets and chips?

Kindly, get a grip.

I think you're overreacting to two afternoons a week (so, two meals a week?). Many people put the TV for 30 minutes for toddlers late afternoon because toddlers are wild then. I imagine this women of almost retirement age just needs a little bit of time sitting down, and to make a dinner she doesn't have to stand over and that she know DS will eat.

If you really care this much, send meals, and send toys etc to occupy him.

YABU I'm afraid. If you have specific requirements like this I think you need to pay for childcare.

I do get it. My DH is chronically ill with good and bad days in the same way and we do prefer to "save" the screen time for those bad days.

You say she's fit and healthy and only 61 but at 61 it is not unlikely she's more tired than back when she had her own kids. Toddlers are particularly hard work and especially when they're not your own and you're not used the noise and you don't know them and their moods and their communication inside out like you do as parents.

I really don't think the oven food is bad. It's not like he's existing on Haribo and hobnobs and if he has healthy homemade food with you then overall he's still having a really good healthy and varied diet. If it bothers you I think batch cooking (which will also help for your bad days) is the way forward.

Perhaps she prefers to eat her meals at a different time of day to your DC or perhaps she's used to making the right sized portions for the two of them and doesn't want to have to try and adapt it to more or perhaps she prefers to cook with a lot of salt. I don't know. But whatever it is, she is making it clear that she would rather prepare a separate meal for him so either embrace the chicken nuggets or send something along.

Like I said I am sympathetic. It would be much easier for you if she had him out playing on the park or hunting for sticks in the mud, doing baking and making forts. Then on your bad days you wouldn't have to feel as bad about popping the TV on.

But at the same time she is doing you a massive favour for free. She may be struggling too. Four hours does feel like a lot when it's caring for a toddler. I just don't think it's fair to expect it, especially when it's not her fault (or bluntly her problem) you're unwell.

I think what you're looking for here is a nice nursery or childminder.

Or, here’s an idea. When you are struggling, why doesn’t your DH make healthy food or batch cook for you & his child.

Has MIL tried to feed him other food and had it rejected?

It's all very well you saying he can eat what they are eating but if he won't eat it she may be going down the it's better to give him something he will eat line.

There aren't any studies that show that screen time is bad for kids. It's just snobby. How is sitting and reading a book/going to a play OK but sitting and watching TV the work of the devil?

At 61 is there a chance that MIL is still working? Maybe she wants an easy option on her days off when she is looking after the toddler?

I think you need to just let this one go. The child is being fed and if they don't watch TV with you then it doesn't matter.

If you cause upset over this then maybe she will stop the weekly arrangements, making life harder for yourself and maybe depending on your illness impacting how many bad days you have.

If you're worried about the food, batch cook up some Bolognese, chilli, lasagne etc, portion up and all your mil has to do is cook pasta, rice some veg and heat up.

I can't tell if the screen time is all year around or just winter. If it's latter then give them some slack as it's cold but if all year then you'll have to be honest and say you don't like it and suggest a park visit or something as an alternative or send a ball/outside toys and influence it that way.

Ultimately though she's doing you a favour so you could pay for childcare if not satisfied.

I think you should batch cook so the days you are unwell you have something in the freezer that you can turn to instead of oven food and therefore that would negate the days your MIL gives oven food. Don’t get narky at your MIL who is giving free childcare it is not the hill to die on

I have no one to help with childcare and have 3 children. And yes they watch too much tv and have oven food some days. But yet they are thriving and happy and that’s all I can ask. I think for the sake of two afternoons a week and help with childcare you have got to learn to relax a little bit and know that they will not come to any harm! I think unless there are really important issues such as medical reasons etc, grandparents can make their own rules when it comes to them looking after their own grandchildren.

If it was a safety issue like her transporting him not in a car seat, refusing to cut grapes and tomatoes and other choking hazard foods because "we didn't have to do that in my day" etc, or her suddenly acquiring an XL bully dog or something, then fine red line time. What you're talking about is more about a style of parenting/child raising issue. If you want to make him having zero screen time or 'junky' oven food with other people a red line issue for you, then okay, but you'll have to use paid childcare. And you can't insist what childminders and nannies do either - you pay for the service they provide. You may find they have policies you don't agree with, they don't act how you like if there's a biter in the toddler room and your child gets bitten, etc etc. If you want to dictate exactly how someone cares for your child you have to fork out for a nanny.

Your options don't make sense really.

Maybe your ILS don't eat the same time as your DC hence they make them something different. I was thinking it won't matter twice a week. Then I see you feed the same stuff too so I lost any sympathy at all because despite what issues you may be dealing with you can't do one rule for you and a different one for me! !

I understand the frustration, but you have to let it go.

Perhaps find some freezer food you're happier with (veggie nuggets, or the organic 'healthy' ones and sweet potato fries and ask if she'd like you to pick them up regularly to pass over?

Ultimately if you complain and change things now, it's unlikely she'll be there in future if you really need it.

I do think that these things come with the territory of free childcare from families. Agree with PP would it help if you sent some food for them to heat up?