DMIL giving TV time and oven food for toddler - should I say anything?

@Chilliinitiative "MIL is retired. Therefore I also resent it a little bit that I have to juggle a job, being a Mum and also sort food for when she has a lot more free time and better health than I do. "

This is very telling. Your MIL has done her time of juggling and preparing meals for young children. Your life choices shouldn't mean that she has to do it all again in her 60s.

She's earned her free time.

Ultimately, if you don't agree with how she's caring for your child, or trust her to make good decisions around his care, then you'll have to pay for childcare just like most other working parents in the UK. Take it or leave it.

Hire care for him instead of MIL and pack his meal. Or live with what you described. I know you appreciate the care MIL is providing, but it does come with strings, in this case TV and easier meals. It isnt the end of the world.

Yes, you say thank you and be glad your Ds is lucky enough to spend time with his grandma.

So if your husband cooks from scratch several times each week, it’s really not that big an issue, is it, two nugget meals?

The key word in your post is 'parenting'. MIL isn't doing that. She's not a parent.

OP, I understand why you don't like too much screen time and oven ready food.
But I would really let it go. She sounds like a lovely granny and that is really all, and I mean all, that matters. My MIL is hopeless, provides almost no childcare, but when she does rarely agree to help, I just take what I can get.

I'd give my right arm for a granny like that

MN is also the place of the low bar OP. I completely agree the way your MIL is providing care should be reserved for when necessary and processed food and TV should be seen as back ups/in desperation. Unfortunately poor parenting choices have been normalised for the convenience of adults in the West, which is why obesity has become so bad in the last 30 years.

You're not very grateful but hugely ungrateful. Especially the bit about shortcuts being saved for you 🙄

OK, so your issue with the food is more that she refuses to give him things you send? You'd have got a more sympathetic hearing then.

But you're still BU generally. It's free childcare and however good a reason you have for needing shortcuts, that doesn't oblige her to provide you with what amounts to a full day a week to your specifications, for nothing.

I have a chronic illness, two toddlers and no additional help.

Unclench.

Seriously.

MIL is retired. Therefore I also resent it a little bit that I have to juggle a job, being a Mum and also sort food for when she has a lot more free time and better health than I do.

You've just lost me. She was a working mum too. She did her bit raising your partner. She has free time because she’s retired, as you will be one day. She’s entitled to spend all day watching TV if she so chooses

Will you be giving two free afternoons each week if you become a grandparent?

You seem to think she somehow owes you? She really doesn’t.

Do you have parents? Where are they in this?

I was with you until you said his appetite has narrowed. MIL is feeding him 2 out of 21 meals per week, that isn't going to impact his tastebuds. Are you reducing the number or variety of meals you offer? It's a vicious circle if he's getting 'fussy' and you then reduce the offering to what he'll eat.

She’s 61. You chase around after a toddler for four hours when you’re 61 and tell me how you get on. I’m 49 and I have DH doing all of the donkey work and I’m mentally and physically exhausted by the time he goes home.

Less than 8 hours of tv a week is not going to hurt him; it’s CBeebies, she’s not given him a smartphone and helped him to set up a Reddit account. He’s probably cuddled up next to his grandparents enjoying a lot of love and attention. And if you don’t like what she’s feeding him then either send food with him or cook for him when he gets home. You are being really silly here and you’re potentially going to ruin a lovely relationship. She’s his grandmother, not your au pair.

This!

Neither you, nor your DH, sound in the slightest bit grateful.

Tv that your child is actively watching as an activity is no big deal imo. Its a few gourd max during the overall week.

Oven food - sorry but if you can't do fresh all the time you can't judge MIL. I'd recommend a jacket potato or porridge with berries next time you're feeling knackered to cancel out the MIL oven food. I am sympathetic but you need to be realistic about what you can control amd recognise that you either trust MIL or you don't and plan accordingly.

YABU. She is doing you a favour with free childcare. The “shortcuts” should be prioritised for her.

If you don’t want to or can’t pay for childcare, can you batch cook and freeze some preprepared food for her to reheat (and for you to use when you are unwell)? There are plenty of quick and easy healthy meals. Just ask for ideas on here. Or buy the food you want him to eat, just make sure it is something she can just throw in the oven or microwave eg a chicken breast rather than chicken nuggets with salad, veg sticks or frozen veg,

Too much screen time isn’t ideal but you could ask her to choose educational shows. You could set up an account for your DC on whatever subscription you have with the shows you prefer set as favourites. Have you tried audiobooks or a Toniebox as an alternative to screen time at home? Even with a lot of screen time at your MIL’s, he will be getting a lot more 1 to 1 time with her than he would do at nursery so it’s swings and roundabouts.

Is there a class or play group she would be happy to take him to (if you pay)? That might make her life easier. I’m younger than her and entertaining a toddler for 8 hours a week is hard work! I find going out is much easier than staying in.

Ridiculous. Of course YABU.

This. My dd is 14 and still remembers fondly the kid cuisine frozen meal my dad would get her. As long as you are feeding her healthy food the majority of the time a few treat days are fine. If that doesn't work for you then you need to sort paid childcare some where else.

Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Let this go.

You are being extremely precious. Watching some TV (assuming it's children's TV and not something completely inappropriate) isn't going to hurt your child. You might be surprised to know that nurseries also let children watch children's TV sometimes. And neither is having chicken nuggets and chips. When he goes to school he will have that sort of food every day!
Your mother in law is doing you a massive favour. If you don't like the way she cares for your child you will have to find alternative arrangements. Perhaps hire a nanny?

My thoughts exactly.

My daughter enjoyed those evenings with my mom watching rubbish tv. She's 16 and that's where she goes to watch rubbish (in my mind) and get utterly spoiled. The relationship she has with my parents though is beautiful, and I'm glad I didn't spoil it with unnecessary problems.

I do know what you mean OP as my DD2 goes to my parents twice a week too and they can be like this, every time I pick her up she is in front of the TV, which is not my approach at all. They also feed her things I wouldn't give her/more of things I keep for treats, which obviously isn't ideal.

But ultimately I understand it's hard work looking after a toddler and they are grandparents and not her parents, so they want to feed her things they know she'll eat and keep her happy. So I think as long as you think MIL is interacting with him along the way and is keeping him safe I don't think you should complain.