DMIL giving TV time and oven food for toddler - should I say anything?

Exactly, my own 2 year old can drive me round the bend. Other people's I wouldn't even have all afternoon. Be grateful you've got free childcare and your little one isn't going to be harmed by a bit of tv and nuggets and chips

Little kids are pretty resilient. My nephew only wanted to eat Cheerios for a while. He grew up fine. Don't fret. You just have to be a good enough parent for your child to thrive, not a perfect one. Your kid is with his grandparents for a few hours a week. That's awesome!

So why not just put him in nursery ft and then MIL can dip in when is needed for when you have flare ups / worse days?

Presumably you don't know what it is like to be 51 either tbh.

But maybe your "standards will be higher" than hers hey.

Presumably your husband turned out ok after being dragged up to her standards?

Chilliinitiative · Today 14:59

I am absolutely prepared to offer childcare for my grandchildren in the future and I will absolutely entertain them without screens as much as I can rather than treat them as a default. I would much rather have a giggle with my grandchild over a game and make memories going out somewhere than scroll on my phone whilst they watch TV. And I’ll easily be able to prepare some health food options before they arrive!
But I am obviously being unreasonable. My standards are obviously too high and I can’t expect them of anyone else

Prmadonna isn’t attractive.

Sorry but with a chronic illness as parent to a young child, you’ll likely struggle more as you age. We all do.

Lots of parents live by your “standards” and higher.

Grandparents have no obligation to do so. You don’t like it, fine, stop sending him.

What does your husband think?

Let it go OP. Be happy a grandparent takes an interest and is willing to do this for you. Some oven chips/chicken nuggets and screen time are not going to scar your kid for life.

Your standards for a theoretical you decades into the future that you've got no way of knowing if you'll meet aren't something you can expect of someone else for free now, no.

Unless its a day you're tired and struggling though OP?
How do you know she's scrolling on her phone? They could be watching together and having a giggle, that's possible too.

YABVU. Make your child his own packed lunch and send it off with him to your dmil.

You’re coming off as very ungrateful. Put your child into full time nursery if it bothers you so much. Then again, he won’t be having home cooked nutritional meals there either.

I've been in a similar situation, and sometimes I just have to grit my teeth and accept that the cost of free childcare is accepting they will do things how they do them.
I'm not a great fan of how much sugar my child has but have to see it as part of the bigger picture.
If I wanted no TV and 'healthy' food I'd have to pay for nursery.
Rather than a full on attack where she gets defensive I think it's more helpful to try to do 'tweaks'.
So I sent some alternative less sugary versions of snacks and said oh he really likes these so thought he might want some at yours.
I also said he was a bit constipated so asked if they could give him sweetcorn and some extra fruit etc which they did.

I think your being ridiculous. You need to count your lucky stars that you have support. Your MIL is saving you money and feeding and entering your child. She cooks what she wants to cook your child. She's not poisoning them. She's feeding them. The screen time is also a non issue.

If your worried about diet , when you're cooking during the week cook extra so you can freeze a few portions. That way when you can't cook you'll have something healthy already made.

His appetite for a range of food has also narrowed lately.

I don't think we can blame MIL here. This seems really common at this age. I was as smug as anything about how well my DS ate, how he'd have anything put in front of him and how he loved eating vegetables.

I was very sure it was down to my excellent parenting choices and my general approach to giving him food.

Then one day, as punishment for my arrogance, when DS was approaching 2 years old he woke up and out of nowhere decided all he would eat was toast. It seems to be really common based off the group of mums I'm in who have toddlers the same age. Just keep offering him a variety and it'll get better again.

Tastes do often narrow naturally at this age as they learn what they like and what they don't, so I wouldn't assume this is down to the "beige" food he gets.

I'd be wary of tarnishing all negative things as MIL's fault. I appreciate that's not necessarily what you're doing here, but kids naturally gravitate towards tv and beige food. You yourself give access to both at times. But a message you've written above implies you may hold MIL responsible for his preference of these things.

There are some great easy options for when you're feeling unwell, like Strong Roots veggie burgers, scrambled egg, beans on toast etc.
I also struggle with cooking at times.

Therefore I also resent it a little bit that I have to juggle a job, being a Mum and also sort food for when she has a lot more free time and better health than I do.

Wow. She presumably didn’t force you into having a child? I agree with a previous poster who said they’d love to have had a granny like this for their DC, who gives her time and care. I think if anyone wants to dictate the way their child is looked after they either a) do it themselves or b) pay for a nanny. Anything else (including a nursery or childminder) requires you to to accept someone else’s way of doing things.

MIL is retired. Therefore I also resent it a little bit that I have to juggle a job, being a Mum and also sort food for when she has a lot more free time and better health than I do

Wow, that's just beyond belief. You resent a woman who has already raised her own kids and now voluntarily spends time in her retirement to look after yours? And you begrudge her her bloody health?!

You don't sound very grateful tbh. He's loved and cared for for free. He doesn't sound in any danger. There's a threshold of 'good enough parenting', I'd apply it to grandparents too. As long as he's happy I think thanks is the only word you need.

He's spending two afternoons a week snuggled up in his grandparents sofa watching cbeebies or the equivalent. It sounds nice to me and not something to be concerned with, he's safe and happy.
Regarding the food, unless you want to provide something else which may cause tension I'd also let this go. A few chicken nuggets are not going to cause any harm. I'd concentrate on doing some batch cooking of what you'd prefer him to eat on the days you're struggling at home.

PFB perchance?

I'd unpick what she's doing whilst he's watching TV. It may be her time to do the washing up, or she may be finding a toddler hard work and having a sit down. Rather thzn going on the attack, ask some questions to unpick what is happening here.

He’s your first isn’t he