DMIL giving TV time and oven food for toddler - should I say anything?

@Chilliinitiative

"The trouble is - if 2 nugget meals aren’t the end of the world. What about when there is a tricky day at some point in the week (there always is). Then it becomes 3 out of 7 main meals every week which I feel is too much. God forbid we have two tricky days! Then it’s 4 out of 7!"

So if you know this is likely to be an issue for you, why don't you batch cook and prepare some meals which can be frozen ahead of time and reheated for your LO and given at home on those days where you're unable to cook from scratch? Why is it up to your MIL to take steps to avoid the "4 out of 7" days a week, but not you or the child's father?

So you can't manage your own child without "shortcuts" but you'll magically be able to do that for someone else's?

Well I for one fully understand. I have a chronic illness and sometimes have to feed myself some oven food because I'm not able to cook. I still think you're being hugely unreasonable and shouldn't raise this with your kind MIL.

So they have him 8 hours a week?

You have a remainder of 160 hours in a 7 day week to feed and entertain him as you wish.

If you're not happy you should look for childcare elsewhere . But it's a shame to do that. Your child will remember and cherish these 'rule-free' times with their grandparents.

You lost me at "resenting it a little"... honest to god OP you are getting free childcare from someone who loves your child, his childhood won't be ruined by tele and chicken nuggets.

Take a breath and pat yourself on the back for being a superior parent to most of us. Due to disabilities in my family I have children who thought Mr Tumble was a close relative and all meals some weeks came from the freezer- they are now beautiful well adjusted healthy bright teens, and also young carers. There are far more important things. Let him just love his time with his nan, nuggets n'all.

I don’t allow tv or freezer food neither (kid is too young for it anyway). But I do understand I can’t enforce this at someone else’s house so as it’s non negotiable for me I would look for alternative childcare of this is what would happen, with no hard feelings.

This is why people pay for nursery or childminder op. Because you're paying them to engage and stimulate your child etc.

If it's free childcare you cant really stipulate how they spend that time and if you don't like it you need to find another way.

Yes it's hard but you are in a privileged position to even be having someone willing to do this so I wouldn't go having conversations with her about this unless you want to end up with having to find paid childcare.

I'd be happy if my mum offered to have one of mine for even half a hour for some tv and a chicken nugget tea. Honestly I'd let it go and appreciate the help. X

MIL is retired. Therefore I also resent it a little bit that I have to juggle a job, being a Mum

Wow!!! She's RETIRED she's done her turn of working & being a Mum.

You sound incredibly ungrateful and resenting her for being at a stage in her life that she's earned is dreadful

I dont understand this obsessive need to control screen time...I have 3 grown up kids...all in professional careers...I let them watch way too much tv as youngsters as I found sitting on the floor pretending to be a princess or whatever really hard work.
My eldest at the age of 13 spent every waking moment on his xbox...he is now 27 and earning a fortune working for a tech company in London.
As for the diet issues once they get to a certain age and have access to their own money they will be living on chips...coca cola and other crap.
What your mum in law is doing with him now will have absolutely no effect on his health or well being...you need to back off and perhaps buy her a bunch of flowers and say thank you.

Well, what about it? The world won't end. What are you worried will happen?

OP, with all the best will in the world, why don't you buy some children's ready meals that are still healthy but just go in the microwave? Shepherd's pie, pasta dishes, curries etc. There are several brands that do them especially for children with less sugar/salt etc. Then you can just keep those in the freezer and give him those instead of nuggets and chips.

You shouldn't really be annoyed with MIL for something just because you want to do it yourself when there are alternatives and you don't actually need to.

I am absolutely prepared to offer childcare for my grandchildren in the future and I will absolutely entertain them without screens as much as I can rather than treat them as a default. I would much rather have a giggle with my grandchild over a game and make memories going out somewhere than scroll on my phone whilst they watch TV. And I’ll easily be able to prepare some health food options before they arrive!

This is really easy to say now, but you have absolutely no idea what you'll be capable of doing by the time you're a grandparent.

If you're not happy with the free care and support your MIL gives you, pay for more childcare. Complaining about some TV and chicken nuggets when she essentially saves you a day of childcare fees is pretty rich, imo.

My grandchildren were weaned and fed a varied healthy diet. Now their favourite food is chicken nuggets and chips! They still get a good variety, but if given the choice, chicken nuggets are tops! They are healthy, active and intelligent, so I don't think twice a week is likely to affect your child's development.
As for TV, do you really think your MIL is letting him watch for 4 hours at a time? That is too much. However, you have said that at your best you have no problem entertaining him for 4 hours, yet you, at your best, are considerably younger than your 61 year old MIL. She may be active, but she may find him a bit tiring in times, so TV time is rest for them both.
If you are not happy, make him food to take. Alternatively, you could take him to a nursery or crèche.

why dont you have healthy meals in freezer for tricky days?

The TV I would absolutely let slide. One of my friends is a grandparent and isn't yet 60 and she said how are is it looking after grandchildren compared to when they are your own and she was always exhausted when they left.

A packed lunch is a good idea. Or reframe it and make it out that she shouldn't be wasting money on expensive nuggets and things when ds would eat a roast dinner, cottage pie, whatever.

And it is annoying juggling work, children, lunch boxes but that is part of being a parent.

The trouble is - if 2 nugget meals aren’t the end of the world. What about when there is a tricky day at some point in the week (there always is). Then it becomes 3 out of 7 main meals every week which I feel is too much. God forbid we have two tricky days! Then it’s 4 out of 7

So you/your husband batch cook and freeze when you’re up to it.
It’s not your MIL’s problem.

Do your parents help (if you have parents)?

On your tricky days can you not reheat one of the meals your DH has prepared? Shoving this in the microwave would be just as quick and easy as nuggets and chips

Stop the selfish, hateful, auld witch minding him and pay for your bloody childcare!!

God almighty! Those two afternoons a week will forever blight his life!

And let your DH make him healthy food and entertain him when you're not able to!

YABU I’d be grateful for the help and that I didn’t have to cook a meal.

My youngest is a similar age and even if the TV is on they don’t sit watching it for longer than a few mins. It’s probably just on in the background. Even if they are watching it they won’t be watching it for 4 hours.

Maybe she's struggling looking after a toddler as well?

If it bothers you, then you need to send him to a nursery or something where they will have proper cooked meals and do activities

The TV I'd let go. She's probably putting it on in between doing other things and I know my own 60 year old mother struggled with her active toddler grandkids and used TV for a sit down and a cup of tea. Do you sense it's on the full 4 hours? Maybe she's putting on a 8 minute show after playing with him, then another 8 minute show while getting his food ready, then another 8 min show after feeding him while she clears up, then another 8 min show after another play with him. He mentions 4 shows but in reality, it's only been 32 mins of 4 hours.

The oven food, I'd let go.

What I would do, is start cooking double portions of everything on your good days, and ask DH to do the same. Chicken curry for dinner? Double it up and freeze two kids portions. Spag bol? Same. Then you've DIY your own healthy easy to microwave dinners for the days you're struggling. Add a batch of sugar free kid muffins to the freezer too et voila.

I also resent it a little bit that I have to juggle a job, being a Mum and also sort food

Presumably this is all stuff she had to do when she was a working mother too?

Then you need to work harder on your days ..batch cook so you can have some higher standard meals available for when you don't feel like cooking?