DMIL giving TV time and oven food for toddler - should I say anything?

Yabu a bit. How do you know the TV isn’t only on for a small part of the four hours? It’s not like a 20 month is giving a full run down of four hours worth of tv watching, what shows he watched and for how long. Presumably you don’t know that he hasn’t watched whatever programme he’s mentioned for only 20 minutes or so. Do you send him with a few favourite toys/activities? You could do that to gently prompt them eg ‘I’ve put some of his jigsaws/crayons/books in his bag he’s just been loving those lately’. Or say ‘he’d love that wee park at end of your road if you felt like getting some fresh air’.

I don’t think I could get too worked up about oven foods a couple times a week as long as his diet is otherwise varied and healthy. I would feel like I had to say something if he was being loaded up with chocolate and crisps all day though. Again, make some helpful suggestions.
‘What are you and Jim having for dinner tonight?’
’cottage pie’
’ooh that sounds lovely. Jacob loves that. Why don’t you give him that rather than giving yourselves extra work’.

Or failing that, send him with his own meals, like leftovers of the day before’s dinner or stuff you’ve batch cooked, and some healthy snacks. You could say ‘we’re trying to get Jacob to have a healthier diet, can you heat this up for his dinner and here’s some snacks to make it a bit easier for you’. Make out like you don’t want them being out of pocket feeding him!

Ultimately it’s about weighing up free childcare from beloved family members versus it not necessarily being the standard of care you’d want. Your child, your choice.

sorry s/be nan.

Similar. I did literature at A Level and my mum used to help me with quotes and poetry. She had quite a broad Lancashire accent and even now when I see the plays we studied or read back the poetry I think of her.

It sounds like you hold yourself to really high standards which can’t be helpful for you. Naturally you want to bring up your child as best as you can but you can’t control it all. DGM is helping you out and although there is some CBeebies, it’s not going to harm your child. Nigh on 2 years is also the age when children typically get fussy with food - my DS used to eat all sorts at that age but now won’t have food that is touching or mixed up at all. No biggie for me and also quite normal in young children. Also the toddler years is when they start expressing opinions like wanting to watch TV or their favourite shows, this is normal for most. Try to give yourself some respite too, if you’re ill, put on the tv for a bit and give yourself a break. I’ve been unwell with my MH recently and as much as I’ve felt guilty, sometimes I’ve had to call a takeaway rather than my usual home cooking and it’s not done any harm.

Ask her to give him a picnic instead, sandwiches, eggs, carrots, fruit, yogurts, stuff like that, or beans or eggs on toast and say she doesn't need to be making him a cooked meal both afternoons.

TV time, as long as its child appropriate and educational I wouldn't worry. He is in childcare setting remainder of the week? He will get enough stimulation there and will probably be happy with a little bit of down time and grandmas, it's not like she is sticking a tablet in front of him. Just ask her to make sure he has toys and books around him when watching the TV and he will go back and forward between the toys and TVs, they don't have much focus at that age to stay interested in one thing for a long time.

There are a lot of childrens TV, you could pick a programme on BBC iplayer and say we are watching this one this week if you want to put an episode on for him

Fully aware what it’s like to have a chronic illness and it’s really not nice BUT the reasons you’ve given are totally hypocritical to be honest. Why not do things like batch cook on your days that you are feeling well. You’ve unfortunately come across very entitled. Also is this your first child? Because most people have the whole I won’t feed this I won’t do screen time etc then it all changes

You might find this is just his age rather than blaming grandma! My now 12 yo used to eat all sorts 9- 24 months - I was cooking all from scratch from the Annabelle Karmel books, then just started refusing everything.

Kindly, pick your battles and be grateful for the help and interest in your LO.

Her time is hers. She’s done her parenting

Fray Bentos was amazing!

My favourite memories of my nan was news round, chips, burger and beans and doing my homework on her living room floor. Much calmer and more comfortable than at home. Apparently one project was GCSE standard when I was about 8.

Oh yes....I remember those funny stuffed pancakes !!

My mother was adamant that we shouldn't have "pop".

My Grandma always had a large stock of fizzy pop especially for any children who ever turned up at her house and we all loved her for it.

Agree with this. She is tied down and unable to do her own thing twice a week. That is a huge sacrifice.

I wouldn't be critical of someone doing that for me.

Off topic but my much, much loved Granny wasn't the best cook but she had a great stash of microwave meals including these stuffed pancake things I still think about!

Also they always had chocolate in the fridge!

I think you need to let your MIL do her thing with your little one & not over think it. a few hours over 2 days watching TV or eating chicken nuggets won't harm him. He's being well cared for & loved in a safe environment which is the main thing. Grandparents see TV & quick kids meals as treats for their grandchild, especially if he doesn't get much of the same at home. If it bothers you that much could you maybe suggest things you don't mind him watching, like educational programmes where he can learn from them. Also ask that if you send food for him can she make sure he has that before having anything else. It's all about communicating with MIL & explaining why you'd like things done your way. Make sure you tell her how much you appreciate what she's doing for you & you're grateful for the help she offers. Honestly you sound like you're overthinking things a bit too much & it's not that big a deal. There's no love like a grandparents love so he won't come to any harm watching TV or eating crappy food 2 days a week.

Lots of suggestions that you hand over prepared meals. Just beware, you risk offending her. However you pitch it, you will be messaging that you don’t approve of/like her choice of food.

Id suggest that on your good days you batch cook and freeze "healthy" meals for the 5 days you have your son. Allow your child to have nuggets and chips at his granny's house twice a week. 2 days out of 7 sounds good to me and I bet he loves going to granny for tea😁No point causing drama over petty stuff!

also wanted to add have you looked into yoto or tonies? screen free stories for children of all ages. my son has both and he loves the yoto more. yoto has a child friendly podcast every day too and yoto radio. it might be a good thing to help wean him off tv and when you have a bad day you can allow some story time so you can rest too.
just to add... i do understand chronic illness i have one and my husband is an amputee aswell

"only" twice a week might not seem a lot to you, but it IS a lot for a 61 year old when it is EVERY week. 30 mins of tv time twice a week is not a lot. if you dont like the food she is providing then send a meal that can be reheated quickly and easily and also send healthy snacks. you say she is taking the "shortcuts" from you.... well if you are taking these shortcuts then you cant blame her for doing it either. get your husband to cook when you are struggling and allow your childs grandma to just be a grandma. i have never had the luxury of having free childcare. in fact i have been the free childcare and was for several years..... i can tell you it is frustrating to say the LEAST when you have demands made or comments that are critical. if you keep on complaining however tactful or nice you think you are being, you may find yourself without that childcare all together. dont ask her to do more, dont tell her how to do it stop teaching grandma to suck eggs. i dont know how many children she has raised but you married her son so he is alive and well so just leave it be is my advice. you do those same "shortcuts" YABVU

Dear OP, I think this post is more about your chronic illness and how it is affecting you. Your resentment is telling,and you feel it unfair to you. Perhaps get some counselling to talk over your worries and frustrations maybe it will be helpful.

I just think because we can more easily measure issues like stimulation and diet over measuring attachment relationships we forget how important they are because it's easy to be miss the growth of it. It's normal so you don't think about it. But when you haven't build up relationships with family members over time it shows in show many ways. But again it's not always easy to identify why people behave or feel they way they do. As my kids get older and they can articulate how they feel about family members and wanting to spent time with them, I'm so grateful they have caring family on both sides who they know well and can rely on. Whilst it's natural, it's shocking how many children don't have that. And there is nothing more sad than that.

Entitled much??

One of my grandsons was like that for a while but he's older now and understands the reasons. His Mum is what I call precious over what he eats to the point I feel he is under weight. (Split Parents Co parenting. Dad gets weekends). Nothing I can do or say as she is NC with me. 😒

I read it as 4 hours a week, missed the 2 days a week part. I have no problem with kids watching tv or eating whatever, it’s the OP who does. If I was looking after a child for 4 hours at a time a couple of days a week I don’t think I could let their only entertainment be the tv, even a little walk outside breaks up the day…as a parent though, to get things done then yeah, you do what you’ve gotta do to get things done.

My children are 13 now and I totally remember how anxious you get over absolutely everything when dc are small. My midwife used to use a phrase 'good enough'. Will your parenting and MiL childcare be perfect? Unfortunately that's not possible for nearly everyone. But is it good enough? He sounds happy and loved and his nutrition is overall good. So please relax if you can OP as this will only help your overall health.

You should say something, along the lines of "thanks for looking after my spawn, for free"