DMIL giving TV time and oven food for toddler - should I say anything?

Therefore I also resent it a little bit that I have to juggle a job, being a Mum and also sort food for when she has a lot more free time and better health than I do

so its not really about the food......

My MIL sat my DS in front of Baby TV or CeeBeebies when she minded him. He also got trips to the park and library when weather permitted. I’m not sure he was getting his five a day there either.
He’s now a strapping, sporty teenager who is absolutely nailing secondary school and getting fantastic grades.
Stop worrying.

My parents look after my nieces once a fortnight and in their 60s they really don’t have the energy or inclination to deal with fussy toddlers/kids.

My mum would spend ages preparing something “healthy” for the grandkids only for them to turn their noses up and say they want something different etc.

I happened to be visiting on one of these afternoons and she was in tears at one point and I said to her, you’re doing DB and SIL a massive favour and the world won’t end if they have pizza/nuggets/chips when they’re with their granny!

Perspective is what’s needed.

Read your post again, OP and count your blessings.

You don't sound incredibly grateful at all. You sound like you think what she does isn't to a good enough standard and resentful. If you are grateful stop not picking at her. She wants to feed her grandson food she sees he enjoys and to treat him. She is following the age old description of a grandparents home which is where you get to do things you can't at your normal home and eat more fun foods.

Send him with a dinner if you’re worried. The tv is probably just on in the background I’m sure there will be worse things to worry about.

Psychologymam · Today 15:14
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I wouldn’t want tv on tap and lots of fried foods

Doubt it’s fried food. Oven, most likely. Not the end of the world. Glass of milk and some fruit afterwards.

I absolutely get you OP and you know, you are not unreasonable, you are absolutely right in your expectations.
Your MIL is not doing this only to help you - as I understand she wants to spend time with her grandchild. And he is not spending quality time with Granny as such as it seems he is spending a big chunk in front of TV.
At this age spending time with Grandma should be about play, walks, various experiences…I’m sure you won’t mind them doing egg and soldiers together, you are not demanding complicated food.
People who don’t understand why you use the shortcuts yourself but object her MIL using them don’t understand that it’s your necessity and it might come to the point when it will restrict your child opportunities so you want them to have as much as possible at this stage with healthy fit Granny who has free time as not working.

A few of my friends have grandkids if a similar age and look for them one or two afternoons or a day in one case. They all try to spend time playing and having fun, cooking them interesting food often together.

MIL is retired. Therefore I also resent it a little bit that I have to juggle a job, being a Mum and also sort food for when she has a lot more free time and better health than I do.

These were your choices. You chose to have DC and chose to work on top of having a chronic illness. Perhaps MIL is in good health but at 61, she'll have less energy than you think. That's just age. In any case, she served her sentence a long time ago. She's earned her free time.

Perhaps you'll be the 61 yr old MIL one day. What will you feed your GC when you're having a flare up?

Honestly it will make zero difference to your child long-term.

Oh yeah.. my standards when way downhill 🤣

His appetite for a range of food has also narrowed lately.

This is pretty normal at that age, probably nothing to do with the meals he has at Gran's.

You're being really unreasonable. If you're that concerned put him in nursery or parent yourself.

Therefore I also resent it a little bit that I have to juggle a job, being a Mum and also sort food for when she has a lot more free time and better health than I do

What comes across is your resentment which you need to work on. Don't get into a sickness competition with a 61 year old retiree. Also you mention helping a fiture DIL but given you struggle now is that realistic?

Why not focus on what you can control. If healthy meals are your focus and no screen time then do that when it's your childcare time. Plan for more healthy meals and freeze so you are not resorting fo UPFs.

However I think your issue is resentment which is causing you to be negative.

Therefore I also resent it a little bit that I have to juggle a job, being a Mum and also sort food for when she has a lot more free time and better health than I do.

He's YOUR child. That you chose to have. She is doing you a massive favour and saving you hundreds of pounds. She's giving him chicken nuggets not rocks of crack. Don't send him to her if you don't like it but honestly you're massively overreacting.

Oh, and don't tell me I don't understand the reality of having a chronic illness; it's my reality, and will be every day for the rest of my life. I choose to count my blessings.

He's not her child
You can't hold to higher standards than you set yourself..just because your struggling
She's 61 ,maybe she's struggling a bit too

I was a single Mum with a disability and chronic illness, fatigue etc.
When I had family looking after my DS I was just so grateful that 1) I didn't have to pay 2) that someone who loved him looked after him.
When I was well enough I batched cooked easy but good meals, you have a DH that can batch cook so when your DS is at home there is no reason he shouldn't have good food.

Maybe your MIL actually enjoys having an excuse to give your FIL fish fingers and beans twice a week rather than having to cook a meal from scratch as she probably has done every day for the last forty years?

You should pay for childcare. Then you'll be entitled to dictate terms. Problem solved.

You have no idea what the situation will be like when you're 60.

But that's not all MIL has to do is it? She does housework, presumably meets friends, have nights out, goes to clubs or classes, maybe she volunteers?

Maybe in amongst her usual life, those two afternoons are all she has left, what with being 30 years older than you.

Have you thought due to your healthy meal fixation and general TV ban, his grandmother is seeing it as giving him "treat" food (in her eyes) when he's with her and allowing him some Tv for them to enjoy together. It will make his time with gm different and maybe even give him fond memories. It's hardly giving him drugs and watching horror films!

I'm younger than your mil and have been babysitting my toddler gd for the past month from 7.30 am to 6 pm 5 days a week while my daughter is training in a new job, even at 53 by the end of the week I'm exhausted. I'm also going through menopause so barely sleeping. It's so much harder running around after a toddler as you get older.

While I feed my gd healthy breakfast, lunch and dinners most of the time, sometimes she would get nuggets and waffles as a convenient option for me, don't forget your mil is not just babysitting, she's probably still doing family cleaning, cooking, washing, ironing.

As for TV time, it may be on as noise in the background, with your child not paying attention to it, playing instead. In my house, my grand daughters nap consists of a bottle with 15 minutes of watching hells kitchen and she's out cold for an hour.

Your mil has your child 4 hours, twice a week. She's not going to do much damage with TV and oven food. Give her a break, you don't know how hard she's finding it.

It's two afternoons a week. Two (free). Afternoons. A. Week.
The rest of the week, he can be screen free and eat food foraged from your environs.
If it's really bugging you, then you and DH need to sit down with MIL and have a proper, adult conversation. If she does not stick to your preferences, you can up his allotted paid childcare hours.
You do sound more than a tad ungrateful, tbh.