DMIL giving TV time and oven food for toddler - should I say anything?

I really do know where you’re coming from OP, as I have a chronic illness and a young child. It’s hard and you do need to be able to use the shortcuts yourself, so yes you need other carers to keep them to a minimum.

That said, when a family member is looking after your son for free there is only so much you can do. I think it’s reasonable to talk to your MIL about it in a polite and friendly manner, but if she doesn’t respond then you will just have to make your own choice about your options. Maybe try suggesting specific outings to her.

I think you need to put yourself in her shoes.

She’s 61 and retired. However healthy you are it’s knackering looking after a child at that age. Additionally she’s probably not used so much to multitasking so trying to cook a spaghetti bolognaise from scratch whilst watching a toddler might be difficult. And 2, 3 even 4 oven food meals are fine if there’s a bit of variety and some veg on the side. Again from her perspective she probably sees that your DC eats it without a lot of complaint and is full, happy and well behaved afterwards.

As long as he’s not watching porn or slasher movies then the TV really isn’t an issue at all.

It’s less a matter of being grateful, more that it would be unreasonable to make your MIL’s life more difficult when she’s already helping you out. As others have said if you really feel this strongly a nursery would be a better choice.

You wouldn't blink an eye if it was once a week, but its dreadful if it's twice a week?

If it’s so important to you, get DH to say something less subtle and more direct, but DMIL will probably resent it.

I think your over thinking this, as long as your child is fed and happy with MIL that's all I would care about. Oven food itself isn't necessarily bad, maybe just ask to serve it with some veg. Kids go through stages with food amd this is only a few times a week and 1 meal out of 3 on those days. I wouldn't be concerned about the tv either as she probs enjoys watching those shows with her grandchild. Me and my DD love watching shows together and she enjoys watching things with her grandparents too.

Don't beat yourself up, it's really hard to hand over the reins when it comes to your child when they're so young, especially to family. You want them to have a close relationship and bond, but also don't want loads of unhealthy habits creeping in/things that weren't viewed as a problem years ago but now are seen as less than ideal.

I am in the same boat at times. There are definitely things my parents have done that I'd rather they didn't, especially food-wise, and I have brought things up with them, but you just have to choose your battles wisely. But it's hard, so don't feel too down that you feel this way!!

Peter Rabbit and Shaun the Sheep are literally on CBeebies on iPlayer.

Have a chat with your MIL to ask what art activities, books and LEGO/brick building activities she’d like to with her grandchild. Get her the things required and hopefully they’ll do some activities. For the food you could provide something to heat up. Yanbu.

Was your h raised on healthy meals or did his mum cook a child’s meal for him and eat an adult meal with her husband? Some people (including people on here) believe that kids meals should be the sort of thing that you get on kids menus and giving normal adult food is unrealistic.

Honestly OP, you will look back in years to come and wonder why you worried so much about lots of different things. Your child is well cared for and loved, that's the most important thing x

The meals my mum used to serve the dc when they were tiny is the stuff of legend in our house. They developed a taste for kix TV too (cbeebies on my watch).

It's not done them any harm over their lifetime, although ds is a teenager who isn't sporty or 6ft, so I'm tempted to blame her for that.

She saved us a small fortune in childcare though. And bonded the dc when they reminisce about their bizarre culinary experiences.

I just had a brief look for the ones I've seen in Tesco and there is a brand called Little Dish and also Annabelle Karmel does some although they do have a little more sugar I think.

There are probably others too in other supermarkets, they are specially made for children so hopefully the nutrition should be pretty good. Hope this helps you :)

Well that's very easy to say. How do you think you'll cope with grandchildren, being disabled and having regular bad days and "tricky" days?

This is absurd. Are you actually claiming that reading with a child and dumping them in front of the TV are of equal value to their development?

OP, I have more sympathy than most in this thread. Your MIL shouldn't have agreed to look after your son if she wasn't prepared to attempt to do a decent job of it.

Realistically your choices are

use formal childcare but be warned that nurseries do use oven food

pick him up before mealtime

suck it up

Lots of people have happy memories of being snuggly and watching tv with extended family. They also see feeding junk like nuggets as a form of affection and almost “right” for people who aren’t parents and have to consider things like weight and teeth brushing. I’m not saying that it’s a good way to look after kids but I can see why a caregiver would want to avoid being the one trying to convince a child to eat their broccoli.

2 meals a week won’t be the reason why fussiness is appearing. There are lots of cases of kids who previously ate all their vegetables becoming fussy.

Is your MIL house proud and not a fan of going out? Is it possible that warmer weather might mean more outdoor activity which is the easiest way to entertain a toddler ime

Your MIL has obviously done a fantastic job of raising her son well.

I'm sure she's doing a great job taking care of her grandson too 2 afternoons a week.

She parented her son. Now its time for her to be a grandparent and do the fun things too. And you and your DH can do the actual parenting.

Be grateful.

This ++++ My three all watched loads of TV ,one in particular lived on chicken nuggets for months when he was going through a tricky stage with food!
All three successful,healthy eaters and Mr Chicken Nuggets has recently run 2 marathons and is earning a fortune for a tech company in London.
It really doesn’t matter, also remember my darling Mum used to give them a shove in the oven meal on Friday afternoons when I was at work…was I bothered?Nope

Agreed, I have small portions of homemade chilli and rice in the freezer for example, as a 'ready meal' for my youngest who can be quite restrictive in his eating. I can stack it full of veg etc but have it on the table in less than 5 mins when needed.

The other meal that always went down well with all of mine was what they called snacks plates, so the equivalent of a sandwich but deconstructed. So a couple of bits of bread and butter (we make our own in a bread maker) some ham or whatever, cubes of cheese, cucumber, tomato, apple, strawberry etc, perhaps some multigrain crackers etc. So very limited prep but easy to prepare and eat.

But honestly, batch cooking small portions or whatever you want him to eat can be there as your back up.

Home made nuggets etc are also easy to make and freeze.

The obsession about the TV is just silly and kind of snobby. I feel for the MIL. She sounds really helpful and generous with her time. If I was retired I’d be off round the world and no one would be getting free childcare from me

why cant you freeze something on a day when you're feeling better? make a pasta pesto meal? an omelet with some frozen veg in? easy and not chicken nuggets?

Well, OP, you've asked for opinions, and the overwhelming consensus is that you are being unreasonable.

What's your thoughts on this? Are you reflecting on whether you are, in fact, unreasonable and will work on improving your mindset on this, or will you just push back against opinions (that you asked for) and single out the rare postssaying YANBU?

I think you could give MIL a break with the food part of it since he might be kicking back and refusing to eat what she makes. Start meal prepping and get a chest freezer for when you are unwell for quick and easy healthy from scratch meals and double down on the good foods you make him. But definitely have husband say something about the screens. Just tell them at home you limit to less than one hour due to pediatrician's advice. He is quite young so she needs to understand this. Also must be age appropriate shows. She is a young and fit grandma...she needs to make more of an effort but she is also doing you a favor....

Perhaps suggest outings like "x said he wanted to go to x today. Can you take him?"

I get you, and I used to have similar feelings about people giving my overweight primary age kids junk food, but I've put YABU too.
Agree with others that you should batch cook and freeze some healthy meals that he can have with them or for times you are in a bind at home. I'd also look for shortcuts like pre chopped carrot sticks, hummous, baby tomatoes etc.

Looking at all your posts , i still don't see why you and dh can't cook extra portions when you both prepare meals usually, to freeze for when you're ill?

Also- and I will absolutely entertain them without screens as much as I can maybe that's what mil is doing?