DMIL giving TV time and oven food for toddler - should I say anything?

YANBU at all, OP. I'm aware I'm in the minority here (but then I find extremely depressing the mumsnet consensus that you mention on your op).
Posted too soon! Just wanted to say that I think you should look for alternative childcare maybe for one of those afternoons.

Kids ask for things they like. We say no. It's normal.

Indeed! I'm in my 60s - the OP has no idea how much more quickly even seemingly fit and healthy women get tired post-menopause. Looking after a toddler at 60+ - I can't even imagine it!

Yes that's what kids do when they like something, wait until there older and you wake up to them already watching TV whilst your still asleep 😅 mine knows how to use my coffee machine now (DD8) so she insists I stay in bed whilst she makes my morning coffee - it takes her 30 minutes as she's sneaking in some morning tablet time 😅

@Chilliinitiative I am so sorry that you have chronic ill health issues which make life very difficult some days on a regular basis, and I do understand that you think, if only you didn't have to work (i.e. when you retire) you would be able to be the ideal Grandparent when your DS has children.

Realistically though, in 30 years or so, with a chronic health condition and getting decades older, you are highly unlikely to be able to do what you have stated above, even although you may want to. You already have bad days, which is very sad, and hard for you, but it is your reality.

Your MIL sounds like she is doing what she can to help and you either need to pay someone else for those 2 afternoons, or let it go. She's brought up her child/children and I don't think, from your posts, that you actually understand, how tiring it will be for your MIL, even if she is relatively fit, hence the Resentment you are clearly feeling that she isn't doing more to help.

Let it go. Your DS will be fine in the long run.

YABU my mum was a health nut when younger and I wasn’t allowed to watch tv. It hasn’t helped me in the slightest- I struggle to regulate both junk food and screen time for myself and I’m no more healthy than my peers who lived on microwave meals and had the tv on all evening as kids.

Why can’t you batch cook and heat up something healthy when you have a bad day? As for the comments that you would happily entertain grandkids without a screen or oven meals, well obviously not because you can’t even do that now (not your fault but you can’t).

If it’s such a huge deal to you (and I really wouldn’t let it be because it makes little to no difference to how he will turn out) then put him in full time childcare. However this will probably affect his closeness to his grandparents so it won’t actually benefit him.

@Chilliinitiative

Why don't you freeze home cooked meals for him so on your bad days you can use these instead of chicken nugget meals?

So you don't want her to take shortcuts like tv and oven food so you can? Pay for nursery or keep him yourself

Thanks for the links.

From the BMJ one:

"There was weak evidence for associations of screentime with behaviour problems, anxiety, hyperactivity and inattention, poorer self-esteem, poorer well-being and poorer psychosocial health, metabolic syndrome, poorer cardiorespiratory fitness, poorer cognitive development and lower educational attainments and poor sleep outcomes."

Ha. Mine watched CBeebies all day long a lot of the time and they've turned out lovely 🤣

Hmm she totally could make him nutritious food but there’s nothing you can do to encourage it.

i agree with PP that you could do some batch cooking and take it over for his childcare days

He's in his Grannys , leave them be.

Why does there have to be rigid timeframes....just watch something together....educational or a lovely Disney film.

I remember Tots TV from when my siblings were little and it was utter shite. There's some really good stuff on CBeebies these days. I wouldn't watch the new Peter Rabbit if you paid me though.

Anyway, I voted YABU because:
It's only 2 afternoons a week.
Granny probably doesn't cook her own dinner at toddler teatime so it would be more work for her to give him what she normally eats, and/or she'd have to try and cook while looking after him.
Children do just get fussier around that age. It's a normal developmental stage, even if many Mumsnetters like to claim their DC always ate everything. So I doubt if it's two beige teas a week from Granny that is causing this.

Also, I do get that it's hard when you have a disability and are tired, but it's probably much easier for your child to separate 'how we do things at Granny's' from 'how we do things at home'. I limit screen time at home because I know my child and I know that if we sometimes watched more than two episodes of Hey Duggee (or whatever), he'd whine for it all the time because he knows it's possible. If he's at someone else's house who gets to watch more TV, that doesn't tend to cause problems. So it's more likely the fact that there's not a clear rule at home that's making him ask for more - I don't have a solution to that but I doubt that it's MIL driving it, especially if she tends to put on different stuff to you.

This... I'm feeling the OP is a little bit sanctimonious.

This

And looking after DS and keeping him entertained with no screen I think could be pretty tough at age 61.

Children's TV can be educational and helpful for learning development. Eg. some programmes show other children interacting with each other, which if your DC is an only child can be beneficial. My DS learned to read at an early age helped along by the programme 'alphablocks'. Unless he is watching TV for hours, I dont see any harm at all.

Beggars can't be choosers as they say. If you don't want to cook for him at MILs, you or DH prep and freeze meals for when you are struggling. Or pay for childcare.

I never really set a limit e.g if the weather is bad and DD wasn't in the mood for crafts or playing then we'd snuggle and watch more tv on some days then others. She would watch at that age whilst I got dinner ready or did some chores it this would normally be split throughout the day, they don't always need to be doing an activity. When she was that age In the night garden was always a bedtime favourite before story time

Cbeebies is actually pretty good, it's hardly Nickelodeon or Milkshake. It tends to have far slower paced programmes.

If she was showing him CocoMelon or Blippi or something I'd have far more of an issue.

Wait wtf have I just read? You don’t want your MIL offering tv and nuggets because you want to be able to offer tv and nuggets and for her to do the hard parenting graft instead?
Unless you are paying MIL a professional wage YABVU!

My first 2 year old got 20 mins a day, my third 2 year old got dawn to dusk.

It's all a matter of opinion, I prefer CBeebies to YouTube and it irks me when MIL puts on YouTube for the kids, so there's no winning really.

"MIL is retired. Therefore I also resent it a little bit that I have to juggle a job, being a Mum and also sort food for when she has a lot more free time and better health than I do."

Wow, this is one of the most entitled comments I've ever seen. You're juggling a job and being a mum because guess what, that's what you bloody well chose! Your MIL didn't get pregnant with your son did she. She's retired, presumably after working for many years. Do you resent that? I think you might have a very different perspective when you're 61. As for her being in good health - well, I'm naturally sorry you aren't but it's not a competition and at 61 she may not be fitting fit for much longer. I'm 67 and I know how rapidly health can decline. I think you need to "give your head a wobble" as they say on this site.

As little as possible, as much as is necessary. Then you make up for it at other times.