DMIL giving TV time and oven food for toddler - should I say anything?

OP in my last post I mentioned energy and remembering you have spoken of your chronic condition my comment in retrospect sounded flippant. I'm sorry that wasn't my intention.

But still, it's highly likely your MIL (who may have health conditions too) still finds those afternoons extremely tiring. It's not right to apply your unrealistically high standards to her.

Why can't you prepare healthy meals and freeze them for the days when you are ill OP?

That way, he will only have 'easy' meals 2 afternoons a week.

We also watch 2 hrs TV most days, it’s only way we’d get anything done

He's your child though. You chose to have him in the circumstances. You are also choosing the standards you're applying to yourself.

Your MIL is doing you a favour. There's a limit to how much you can dictate how she does that. If you want more control, you'll need to pay a nursery or a childminder.

Mine didn’t watch any TV at all at that age. I can understand why you’re irritated, but if it really winds you up, then don’t let her do your childcare. Yes, it is lazy of her, giving your DC crappy food. It’s also probably too high in salt for them and setting them up to crave such junk.

But, again, if you don’t want this, then use professional childcare. Your other alternative is to be firm with your MIL and ask that she only feeds DC what you provide.

But that is just being a parent OP. As the saying goes, you raise your kids so that you can then spoil your grandkids.

Grandparents are there for the fun stuff, they aren’t there to do the parenting, that is your job, 100% you & your partner.

I really wouldn’t stress about this. We feed our LO a lot of as you call them, oven foods, because it’s quick, easy, she likes them and you can still get good nutrition. Honestly if this will make your health and life easier I’d oven food most days. We serve with some fresh vege and she has fresh fruit every day. I eat terribly as a child (think white bread jam sandwiches and crisps, very little fruit or veg) and as I grew I eat healthier and expanded my tastes. I really wouldn’t stress for toddlers as long as they’re getting a good nutritional mix (ie carbs, fats, protein and enough vitamins)

I don't think the actual time is as important as what is is and how it fits in the day.
If we are all ill it's on all day but thankfully as we are in good health generally that's not often.

We went to an aquarium and so on a lazy day later that week we watched finding Nemo and talked about all the different fish. After the film we then then got the craft box out and used glue to stick bits of tissue paper and shiny bits on paper fish. We played 'sharkbite' in the living room and chased each other.
If you didn't want to do a film you could do a similar thing with Tiddler on iPlayer.

My son really liked a nutcracker book he had. So we started playing the nutcracker music on Alexa in the living room when he was playing, ordered the story orchestra version and read it, and then that week we watched loads of videos of ballet on YouTube. He got quite keen on defeating the mouse king. We watched the gruffalos child where there is a 'big bad mouse' and read that too.

We went to the museum and the Egyptian bit had loads of interactive parts for kids- so when we got home I stuck the prince of Egypt film on. Nice nostalgia for me and DS got into it- we ended up watching it every day 5 days in a row and every day he learned more lyrics and noticed new elements in the story.

He probably watches more screen time than he is supposed to but it all feels very useful.
Maybe apart from sonic the hedgehog!

“MIL is retired. Therefore I also resent it a little bit that I have to juggle a job, being a Mum and also sort food for when she has a lot more free time and better health than I do.”

This is just not fair. Your DS is your child and is primarily the responsibility of you and your DH, not your MIL. Of course MIL has more free time, she’s not a mother of a toddler! And I think you might be overestimating the energy and health of someone who is 61 and long out of the little children stage - I’m twenty years younger than that, still have primary age children myself and still would find four hours of looking after someone else’s two year old in my home by myself hard work. Child would definitely be watching a few episodes of Peppa pig at some point in the afternoon.

You also need to remember that it’s normal for toddlers to become more demanding about things like tv and fussier about food as they get a bit older. It’s a normal developmental stage and probably not caused by 30 minutes of CBeebies at Grandma’s house.

But I am obviously being unreasonable. My standards are obviously too high and I can’t expect them of anyone else.

///

Wow.

One day his grandparents won't be here. These days are precious. It's two afternoons FFS.

Why can't you just accept this free childcare on the basis it's given?

You sound nasty and judgmental and have no idea how much energy you will have to do "better" at 61.

Kindly- you really need to chill out.

He will grow up with fine vocabulary and lots of current affairs interest. Look at it this way.

we don't own tv and discarded BBC license all together. Now our 11 year old is very sensitive to history and war topics

So she has him 3 afternoons a week?

I'm 61, fit and healthy, have my grandchildren regularly (only a few hours every couple of weeks, and the occasional weekend - not a set routine) and, horror of horrors, we often watch some TV and meals are generally pasta, pizza or fish fingers.

We usually watch Bluey (I love Bluey), Disney films and Wallace and Grommit. We watch them together and know all the Disney songs. I did it with my DC when they were little too. It's lovely to snuggle up and watch Beauty and the Beast. However we also go to the park, do crafts, bake, read, play explorers or hotels (I'm sure your MIL does plenty of non screen activities too), and to be honest, it's knackering. I need a stiff drink and an early night after the DGC have been here, that's after the 45 mins it takes to tidy/clean all the mess we create while they're here.

My daughter and son-in-law are nothing but grateful for me having the kids. If they resented how the DGC were occupied, well then they're welcome to find alternative care. Most 60 year olds don't have the energy levels of a 40 year old - just wait until you go through menopause and see how you'd feel occupying a toddler 3 afternoons a week.

Try to a bit less uptight and a little more grateful. You'll all benefit if you can.

So when you go out to weekend entertainment seeing families and kids doing bowling, what do you think they do? Spending few hours relaxing over not important life topics and eating crap food

If this is a big concern then you cut out TV at home completely or have a very set time for it that isn’t deviated from. He knows he gets TV time at Granny’s but he also knows that it’s always a no from Mummy.

You are being unreasonable but it depends whether MIL and FIL want to look after your DC or if they’re doing it because it helps you out. Best way to find out is to say to them “this is how we’d like our child looked after and if you can’t do that then it’s fine but we will sort nursery / a childminder/ look after them ourselves instead“ And see how that goes down. You’ve got to be prepared to put your money where your mouth is though and if you aren’t able to do that then you’re not in a position to put any demands on them. They are doing you a massive favour and you should be grateful that your child is being looked after and developing a lovely bond with their grandparents.

Keep saying no, and that TV is for Nanny's house. He'll get bored of asking - hopefully before you cave!

If this is once a week, sounds like a child's dream LOL

I bet he has a great time there. I was so grateful when my mum looked after my child and that the two of them together had a special time I didn't involve myself with the finer details, it was up to my mum how she filled the time and my child's stomach.

Lol normal. Mine wakes up asking for pizza

There's no "normal"

Some people put a tv in their toddlers' bedroom.
My kids didn't watch tv at all ever when they were 2 - just because it's easier if they don't start and I don't find any program "educational". They have Playstation now, don't get me wrong, and that's not educational😂

You cannot compare what you do with YOUR child and what someone else does. Your house is set up for your child, it's a completely different environment.

YABU for the tone you are talking about your MIL and "Maybe I should cut myself some slack as well as MIL". You are the mother, of course you have ALL the hard work! (shared with dad)!

Well the food thing is easy. You make him something fresh and give it to MIL to put in the oven so no need for MIL to do any cooking.

TV you have to leave really. You could send along some TV alternatives- some toys that he happily plays independently with for a while. MIL obviously isn’t keen to spend the whole time interacting with him.

YABU. She’s doing you a favour, if you want to dictate then pay for a professional.

If you want everyone else to be strict so that you can be the one who does the TV and the chicken nuggets- pay for a professional.

Yeah this. I was on the fence until op said she wants to keep the easy way for herself 🙈