DMIL giving TV time and oven food for toddler - should I say anything?

Is it because he isn't offered it often?
I wonder if this is like the sweets and chocolate thing, children who aren't allowed them go onto binge as teens and adults because they can.

Why are you seeing tv and oven food as shortcuts? I would class chips, chicken nuggets amd a side of veg that's been prepared at home as junk food. Your making your own life harder

I agree with this. At his friend's house DS gets unlimited Peppa Pig. At home he gets 'haha don't be silly, we don't watch TV in the morning!'.

Can I just point out - that as the Mum, I obviously look after my son every day, all week, every week etc.

Oh for goodness sake, @Chilliinitiative, you're his mother. That's your actual role.

You post about this like it wasn't entirely down to your choices. You chose to have a child. He didn't turn up out of the blue. You also choose to work, have some childcare and use free childcare from your inlaws. You also choose to not use television when he's with you and to get your knickers in a knot over chicken nuggets or fish fingers more than twice a week.

You have a chronic condition. So do I, so do millions of parents. We get on with it as best we can, spend our spoons as wisely as possible and don't criticise the devoted family members providing free childcare for how they do so.

When you're 61, look at your own energy levels and think back to this post. I expect you'd laugh rather hollowly.

The all day, every day thing is just parenting! It’s up to you and your DH to do it, not MIL (and yes, I totally relate to the health condition factor)
I bet your son will look back on his time with MIL extremely fondly when he’s older. She’s making memories with him in her own way and I bet she sees your resentment which is so sad.
He’ll be round hers for a chippy tea and TV when he’s in his teens and he’ll love it!

Don't feel guilty, it’ll all work out in the end. I had four kids in close succession and was exhausted, so yeah CBeebies and chicken nuggets made up a lot of their childhood. They’ve turned out absolutely brilliantly, 2 have good jobs, one’s at Russell group (🤣) uni and the other is about to go travelling. The years I spent worrying about if I was good enough for them and if I could’ve done better. But they were fine. They are fine. I was good enough.
As long as you are doing other stuff with him, reading books etc and giving him some healthy meals, the bad stuff doesn’t negate that.
Chill out, let him enjoy his time at Granny’s and let him watch a bit of tv, it won’t ruin him. I promise.

I think you are losing your point here. An average afternoon on cbeebies has alphablocks, number blocks, colour blocks , graces amazing machines, Andy's aquatic adventures, something special - all high quality educational programming. Yes there's some hey duggee and supertato but you just look like you're splitting hairs.

The true issue here is that you are ill and run ragged and you are projecting the resentment onto your MIL.

You need to stay in your lane and think about how you could adapt to make your days easier. And frankly, lose the shame about the 'shortcuts' or taking it easy. All too soon and your son will be in school so just enjoy him.

OP pick your battles this is not one. Just let it go is he happy and safe with granny on the 2 afternoons is much more important than a couple of chicken nuggets and TV. He will learn more from the cuddles and love he get from you & grandma than any TV show btw

Twice a week for a few hours is not going to do him any harm. Make him a packed lunch/tea to take with him if you're not happy about the food she gives him. Generally I would say be grateful for the free childcare and don't complain.

At 2, mine probably watched 2+ hours a day (more for my youngest) on weekdays and substantially more at weekends.

I don't remember them asking for it to be on as it was usually on in the background anyway. They also spent a lot of time playing in the living room (with toys and doing role play), totally ignoring the TV, despite it being on at the time. Perhaps because I didn't make it a scarce resource so the fascination with it wasn't there? Plus, sometimes I had the TV on for me because children need to learn to play by themselves and having constant adult interaction means they don't learn to occupy themselves - meant I could be in the same room without being bored out of my mind playing with a toddler!

Yes.

One child had Free Willie continously. The other had George of the Jungle every single bloody day. But we also read books, we did colouring books, we chatted, we went for walks to look at wildlife, birds and flowers, we played with dolls and jigsaws. It's all about moderation. They both did exceptionally well at A levels and both still love to read books. Neither has continued to need any film on repeat since being a teenager.

EDIT - oh, reread 😂 Yes they asked for it but it's down to parents to say no. Same with sweets. You say no, you distract, you manage their expectations, hopes and wants.

Give yourself some grace too. You're mum. You can be a bit slack, you can bung the tv on and do beige dinners when needed. You don't need to try to make up for mil not being a 'perfect' caregiver. Being a mum isn't about aiming for perfection, it's about developing a healthy and loving relationship with your child. A bit of tv and unhealthy food is no big deal. Making your child feel secure and loved, and being present is key. Getting a reasonable amount of nutrition and exercise but there's not some perfect formula to aim for. I think you need to be kinder to yourself and take mil out the equation.

I think this is the key, you see mil's role as balancing out where you struggle. Instead remove her from this. Let her be her perfectly imperfect self and do the same for yourself. Your son is safe, loved, fed, warm and gets enough attention to develop well. That's enough.

So op needs to prepare food and take it with him then on those days. I'd be prepared for being told to sod off if they sit and tell her that she can no longer give oven food on her afternoon and have to cook from Scratch, it's nuggets and chips ffs

Fish fingers are pretty healthy as foods go
Oven chips can be made healthy if you make from scratch - you could put some in your MILs freezer.
Ditto chicken nuggets or you could buy breaded chicken fillets instead of the cheap nuggets.
Pizza is or can be made to be fairly healthy too.

There’s a lot of judgement towards someone who is doing you a MASSIVE favour. Lots of suggestions from you about what she should be doing better, but it’s fine for you to do it because youre “struggling”?

How about on your good days you batch cook?

But its not down to MIL to make your life 20% easier

Did she agree to be co -parent when you and DH decided to have a child?

I think you're taking out your upset about your health condition on your MIL. A better way to look at it would be to be happy that you have family members who love your son enough to look after him. As long as he's happy there, that's all that matters.

If he ends up having oven food 3 times in a week then so be it, make up for it when and how you can. You've had a lot of good suggestions around freezing healthy meals etc for when you're not feeling up to cooking.

As far as TV is concerned, 30 minutes out of 4 hours seems reasonable to me. Even for a young person, chasing a toddler around is exhausting and she probably just needs a break.

I understand you're trying to be a good parent and do things by the book, but life can't be run that way. Give yourself some slack and you'll feel better.

I'm going to go against the grain here and say that this is 100% something your DH should raise with his DM. 2/7 main meals a week being junk is a significant amount, even if you're feeling great the whole week and everything else is better. There's lots of research that shows that healthy habits are learned young and from the family. If his DG is always modelling lots of TV and beige food to him, your DS will be learning that this is normal.

It only makes sense if you think it’s her job to look after your kid for you. It’s not - she’s doing you a favour so you don’t get to dictate what she does or feeds him unless she’s harming him. Your standards are self imposed. Oven food is what most children eat on a regular basis outside the crunchy Waitrose middle class bubble. You could still give him that when you’re not up for cooking dinner without laying into your MIL about what she does.

Relax a bit - mine watched kids tv when they were little - a long time ago, Postman Pat, Bertha, Thundercats etc. These are happy memories now! They also ate fish fingers, nuggets and Spaghetti Hoops from time to time. They are now pretty well rounded adults with their own teeth

I sympathise, OP. I think I would just not worry about the TV as I doubt it's on for the whole time. Regarding food, the issue is probably that your in-laws eat at a different time. Is there any easy non-processed foods you could suggest?

We watched TV when at other homes but didn’t have a TV at home so there was no asking, but in later years when we did have a TV I just said it went off in our house at a certain time and doesn’t come back on until morning.

@Chilliinitiative

Im a 60 year old grandmother , have three, eldest is 18, the youngest is three, and I can assure you that I dont have the energy now to be rolling around the floor playing games with the 3 year old and Im certainly not going to battle with him to eat a balanced diet if all he wants is plain pasta and grated cheese

As a generation X, tv was our babysitter. Just be grateful they havent gone out and bought the child its first tablet or phone

That's parenting OP. You can't demand other people do things that you and his dad can't manage.

SO PUT HIM IN CHILDCARE THEN!! if you don't like it op, it's either change to paid childcare or you need to get over it.