DMIL giving TV time and oven food for toddler - should I say anything?

OK, get you now!

@mainecooncatonahottinroof well, exactly. Why would that be concerning?!

Why??

Yes you should be EXTREMELY concerned by this very unusual behaviour

Dear god

As a mother with pulmonary artery stenosis dignoised after birth just be greatful for the childcare and happy he is fed and had wonderful grandparenting time my children, have never had that / I've never had the support.
You could always look at different childcare arrangements make some fresh food to heat for him for at their home.

As a mother with pulmonary artery stenosis dignoised after birth just be greatful for the childcare and happy he is fed and had wonderful grandparenting time my children, have never had that / I've never had the support.
You could always look at different childcare arrangements make some fresh food to heat for him for at their home.

This makes me laugh

You say your so ill you struggle to deal with your own child and will potentially resort to a fish fingers or nuggets for tea which means your mother in law isn't permitted to use them ...but you think you'll have the energy as a pensioner to play and giggle and enjoy games with future grands when you can't even muster up energy tonvook something you think your mil should cook

If you don't like the free childcare and food provided for your crotch fruit

Pay a nanny or a nursery

If you can't do that suck it up

You are being very unreasonable and borderline controlling. Be grateful he is loved and cared for.

"Judgemental" for good reason!!

Honestly, let it go. I can see why it would be frustrating but I think you're only options are to let it go, or pay for different childcare. Making up meals in advance for her to give him is a great idea. But don't worry about the TV - you can't ask her to look after him and then dictate what they do together. Let her do it her way.

@BluntLemonDreamer

the grandma isn’t doing her grandson harm whatsoever though, so what needs to change ?

Wow, so many judgemental posters.

@Chilliinitiative I totally understand where you're coming from. I think it's great your DMIL wants to spend time with her DGS. I think it should be noted that whilst yes she is doing you a favour, she wants to have your child. Just because she is watching your child, though, doesn't mean she can completely disregard your wishes.

Your DH sounds like a great guy who is happy to just chip and work as a team. I'd defo ask him to speak to them again, but as others have said, the likelihood of them listening seems to be slim. I guess you just need to weigh up whether you want to continue this way or maybe cut the days down to one and up his nursery days by one. IMO, YANBU but whether things change or not is another thing.

Good luck!

I remember staying with my parents with my very precious first born. We went to a supermarket and then to a cafe. They bought His Royal Preciousness chips.
In my head I was freaking out.
Then I thought " For God's sake, get a grip of yourself" and so I did.
When I was being particularly ridiculous, my Dad liked to remind me that my Grandfather was one of eleven.
Relax, TV and chicken nuggets at Grandma's won't hurt your child and they should develop a lovely relationship.

I am 55 and regularly look after young children. At 55 it is a lot more tiring than when I was 25 or 35. With my own children I put in 100% and always went above and beyond.

It’s very easy for you to complain and find fault in your mil and I know I did the same with my mum and mil because my standards were so high. However, things change as you get older, you don’t remember all the things you used to do, you lack the same confidence and knowledge because you are at a different point in life. The accepted norms are different (maybe mil always gave your dh easy foods and put in front of telly), you aren’t as physically able as you used to be.

Try to remember that mil is not your child’s mum and will not act as you would. Appreciate what she does do and that she is there for you and your child, though you may not always agree with everything she does.

When grandparents took my kids I would never have controlled what they do, and I would never have commented on the food they were fed 😳😳

My youngest wouldnt eat hardly anything when he was small, his diet of pancakes, potato waffles and chicken dippers did him no harm 🤣

Also most kids programs are actually very educational. My kids watched loads of the Disney ones and they learned tons of things

To be fair I'm 58 next month and have grandchildren 1 at a time regularly for a night or two.
It's exhausting ! Irrespective if we present fit and well.
The actual parenting is down to who the children live with.
If they come here it's my rules or they dont come ( within reason of course ) but pizza and chicken is a thing here and screen time after a day out is a thing here.
I understand you are poorly as one of mine has chronic fatigue and a few other challenges but for sure she does the same on those times of a flare.
If you want great nutrition and the wonders of nature. Pay for an au pair is the answer.

She is from a different generation, lighten up!

Research says TV isn't good for them. Hmmmm this is correct for some children my 2.5yr old has seen many professionals in his short life and all have said how great the TV is for him. Speech and language even praise what we watch and say how great it is for him so don't dismiss the TV. Yes for the full 4 hrs Tv is might be bad for him but realistically he's not going to be watching it 100% of the time he's there. Reserving it for just when you're poorly and dictating what she does in her own house is bordering on being way over protective and helicopter parenting. It's suffocating. Now if it wasn't ages appropriate then I would be saying ynbu but it isn't, your child is loved and cared for appropriately. Chicken nuggets and chips won't hurt twice a week. When he gets into reception and stays all day guess what is on the dinner lists once a week 😂. You get sausage and mash, chicken nuggets and chips, even the odd burger etc, mind they add veg on the plate but mostly goes uneaten. You need to look at it all in prospective and if you actually was there and did a stopwatch of what he watched I bet most of the time it doesn't even add up to half the amount of time. Take him pre prepared food and she can give him that but twice a week treat isn't bad.

I never restricted both my kids from watching tv, in fact some of the children’s programs at that time were very educational. I also did not set strict time guidelines for screen time when they were older…both mine are now 18 and 22, kind, considerate, very sociable and A* achieving kids..so despite mainstream media telling everyone that screen time creates problems, I think more emphasis should be put on things the kids do other than screen time, mine did hours of outdoor play, competitive sports as they got older and we did a lot of family activities like walking, cycling, hiking etc…

if you in laws are helping you out with childcare, I’d just be grateful and not pick a fight over such trivial things! Also a fed child is a happy child so perhaps they’re not making home cooked food but as long as the food is not horrendously processed, what’s the issue? I think you need to pick your battles and accept the fact that you can’t be in control all the time of what they eat or watch..

Jesus Christ this is a proper Mumsnet post 🤣 how about you remove the stick from your arse and just be grateful

TV and OVEN FOOD - THE HORROR

I think you’re being unreasonable and unrealistic.

There is no harm coming to your child. None whatsoever. You being this uptight is completely unnecessary.

If you say anything to your MIL then you’re just going to cause problems.

And if you keep on like this eventually you’ll have issues with your kid as well.

He's 20 months old; that's what happens. They start getting their own opinions, they start becoming "fussy" eaters they ask for more of what they want.

You're the parent you can say no to these things, and you can keep offering the foods they used to eat but now reject.

Maybe she finds it harder to cook when the toddler is around? She might prefer to be supervising him. Oven food is still better than fast food or no food. Send him with a bag of fruit to counter balance it.
Some TV twice a week will do no harm.
We all have high standards which we set ourselves but sometimes have to let go when others are in charge. X