DMIL giving TV time and oven food for toddler - should I say anything?

You are SO entitled it’s ridiculous 😂

One post that agrees with you out of all those that don't. I imagine you will use the one post to reinforce your view, and who can blame you? We all do that

But given that everyone else doesn't agree with your PoV - does anything change your mind a bit?

I do like the idea of the healthy toddler ready meals, that could be a game changer on your bad days. Add some steamed mixed veg if necessary.

But toddlers are notorious at turning into picky monsters after eating pretty much everything 😱

You’re being unreasonable, it’s 2 afternoons a week for a Nan to spend with her grandchild. This isn’t paid childcare, she’s not a childminder or a teacher. 2 afternoons a week
with a bit of TV and food kids love as a treat with Nan during their special time together is fine, and sounds like a pretty normal and nice grandparent / grandparent relationship

Given you don't even know what is wrong with OP your comment that "Lots of us manage chronic health conditions while also being a parent, a cook, a cleaner and a full time employee" a bit obnoxious. Not all health conditions are the same.

MIL is retired. Therefore I also resent it a little bit that I have to juggle a job, being a Mum and also sort food for when she has a lot more free time and better health than I do.

Op, have you any idea how entitled this sentence is??

Your MIL is your child’s Grandparent! She is doing you a massive favour!
It is not her job to make your life easy, or to cook for your child.
She’s done her mothering years with her own children. If you want your child to eat a specific diet while she has your dc, then it’s up to you to provide that food.
Otherwise, keep your neb out and let her enjoy being a grandparent whilst she’s doing you this amazing, massive favour.

Your health is also not her fault. Lots of us manage chronic health conditions while also being a parent, a cook, a cleaner and a full time employee.

'He's already had his screen time limit today mil and he's had nuggets and chips once this week so he can't have those, don't worry though any of your leftovers will do, we've been told he needs to eat the same as the family eat' said with a big smile, and repeat, have your dh repeat, along with 'thank you so much for looking after him, he loves x game that he says you play with him' etc. Kill with kindness but just make the rules very clear.

She may or may not listen to you. Have some veggie fingers in the freezer instead of nuggets, and pesto pasta instead of chips. Just as easy but some variety!

But she is helping you out. She looks after your child two long afternoons a week

Again - you can't possibly accurately predict what you'd do as a grandparent

Kindly OP, you've said that even you yourself can't stick to your own high standards. I imagine it's "easier" for your MIL just like it's easier for you on hard days because being 61 and caring for a small child must be slightly more tiring than if she was in her 30's?

Get off your high horse.

With him watching TV, can you have a TV time so you can just say yes. Like half an hour before dinner? So he asks for TV first thing, you say "yes, we can watch after we come home today"

It doesn't really matter that sometimes you feel shortcuts are ok for you but not her. I have had to get my family to babysit and it's crap that I come home to a pile of extra work, my child jacked up on sugar and some neon monstrosity blasting out the TV. But she is happy, they are happy and at least they've had a nice time together. This is not a hill to die on.

Can't you reheat something your DH has made from scratch?

And pasta and sauce is quite straightforward

My child was brought up on chicken nuggets and chips and was the healthiest child in the class.

Curious to know how you measured this, @MoonHavana - quite apart from the fact that a bad diet in childhood is strongly indicated in health problems in adult life

I think you are being very hard on yourself but I also think you are being hard on MIL. You are hard on yourself because you think you are not a great mom because you are limited by your health issue. All moms are hard on themselves. Cut yourself some slack. At the same time, dont be hard on your MIL for taking advantage of the same shortcuts you would like to take advantage of (easy meals, a break while DS watches TV). You are the parent, so you assume the responsibility of raising your child, and a lot of that is a pain in the arse. Tedious, exhausting, thankless work. Which MIL already did, raising your husband. The fact that she is willing to do it again for her grandchild is a bonus for you and DH. She is entitled to shortcuts at her age, as she provides free care for a child she clearly loves ands enjoys. You must see the hypocrisy here, right? She is doing what you want to do and you resent her for it. Take a step back and be easier on yourself and MIL.

Honestly you are massively overthinking this.

Your MIL doing a couple of easy meals and having CBeebies on doesn't prevent you from
accesaing those shortcuts when you need to and isn't going to stunt your sons development.

My best mate growing up lives on burgers, nuggets, pizza, sausages and the occasional spag Bol. Her mum always served every meal with a side of carrot sticks and apple slices. Friend is now in her 40s and a huge fan of fine dining restaurants.

My own daughter was a regular CBeebies viewer from a few weeks old - she had colic and I had had severe pnd and it was what kept us sane. She's now studying to become a human rights barrister.

Please try and unclench...this is not the end of the world.

There is lots of amazing educational content on CBeebies. I do sometimes wonder about people's expectations 🫠

YABVVVVU I really hope you don't say any of these to your mother in law, who I would be incredibly grateful for, nuggets, TV and all.

If it makes anyone feel better about screen time, I was raised in front of the TV (it's how I learned to speak English) got top grades at GCSE and A Level, went to a top uni, have a very good career I enjoy. I barely have time for TV now 😂

OP, I know it seems like a big deal but please don't worry. If you are really concerned about screen time then maybe suggest MIL puts on something educational like number blocks.

DS loves going to his Granny for the TV & chips!

Mum also brings him out, to the shops, the park.

She takes him when I’m sick & babysits overnight.

DS loves his grandparents, and they do it their way.

Ah I bet you do her head in.

You don't know that. You're not in your 60s and you will find your energy levels nose-dive as you get older and pass through menopause plus your own medical issues may well affect you

As parents, we're younger, have more energy and live with our kids so are used to their noise and energy and nuttiness 😆. And not every one is cut out to be gran of the year, or even of the afternoon

Why can’t you batch cook on your good days and freeze for you to give him when you are having a not-so-good day? Then it’s still only 2 meals a week that are not homemade.

OP, do you own a freezer? Why does a 'shortcut' meal, when you need to use one, have to be chicken nuggets or similar? Why can't you batch cook some extra portions on a good day and freeze them for a rainy (healthwise) day? Ditto your husband - you're both obviously competent and motivated cooks, but not everyone has time or energy to cook from scratch, every day, and you have health problems which means planning ahead makes even more sense for you.

Also, eggs are a wonder food - scrambled, omelette, throw some spinach leaves, bit of cheese and baby tomatoes in, and most 2 year olds will happily eat it. It's not junk, it's cooked from scratch and takes a minute. It seems you are setting yourself very high standards, which you will fall short on. You could think ahead and lower your bar slightly, and no-one will be worse off!

As for your MIL - well, honestly, she is doing you a huge favour, and she is building a relationship with her GC as well. I would not imperil that by criticising her methods. Her son turned out OK, didn't he?? It is also winter, and perhaps as the weather improves, your MIL will find it easier to get out in the garden/park with GC and be less reliant upon TV.

Would she take offence to you suggesting some activities he enjoys at home that are non screen related ie - he loves puzzles at the moment MIL, here are some to use here.

On the days she has him perhaps have some healthy before bed snacks for him to add in the good stuff. Ie cucumber, carrot sticks and similar.

Mine grew up before the tablet and YouTube era. However they would watch cbeebies bedtime hour and an hour of quiet time around lunch time most days. These would be when I got my jobs done (or a cuppa on a bad day!). I think TV is better than tablet and Internet use for toddlers.

As kids from toddlers until we left home my siblings and I watched an average of 5-6 hours tv every day. We are all now well rounded professionals with happy healthy lives. In fact two of us are PhDs in the humanities/arts and we often say that our over exposure to one art form (tv) made us really good at ‘reading’ other forms too. Yes we did family activities and read books but my parents worked full time and oven meals and screen time was the default during the week.

I managed to look after my grandchild on my own for 8.5 hours per day, 2 days a week from 18 months old to when she started school when I was older than OP's MIL. I did not give her junk food and I limited the amount of TV she watched, in accordance with her parents' wishes.

I think OP is unreasonable to expect her child to watch no TV when he is with his grandparents, but watching TV for the whole of the time he is with them would be unreasonable. I'm not sure why they give him oven food like chicken nuggets and chip when they are cooking proper meals for themselves and OP says he would eat that.

Gosh?! Is this all you have to worry about? Be grateful for what she does for your son. My child was brought up on chicken nuggets and chips and was the healthiest child in the class. Think of all the horrible things they will consume as they grow up.