DMIL giving TV time and oven food for toddler - should I say anything?

Easy oven food is easy to cook and palatable for kids - so I can understand why she does it. Its also widely used by childminders and kids clubs in UK for same reasons. Even if you stopped Gran providing care for this reason and used childcare the outcome would be the same, except with a load of other kids instead of a quiet homely home. Same with the TV - lots of childcare uses this also.

I understand you want the best for your young child. But be realistic. Its a bit off to expect 'the best' in home cooking and childrens entertainment from an older grandmother providing free childcare. Dont rock the boat. Accept that thats how it is a grans. You arent really entitled to expect her to change they way she provides the care as long as your child is cared for - which they are.

However you can change the way you do things - There are lots of solutions to decrease the amount of UPFs your child eats - batch cook home cooked foods when you are able to and freeze them for when needed. This is a better way to manage the situation.

😂

you want the shortcuts to be for you to make your life easier but your mil… who watches your child for free shouldn’t have it easy.

if you don’t like it, pay a nursery to watch him.

I’m mother of a one year old and my mam watched my little one, feeds him pureed food and lets him sleep late on in the day. I suck it up, because I also need her help

Oh FFS! Kids getting to do/have things at their grandparents house that they don’t get with their parents is as old as time. So long as the child isn’t watching something unsuitable and isn’t eating UPF when in your care, there really isn’t a problem.

4-hours twice a week is a fair bit of your MILs time that you are taking up. If you feel strongly about disliking her style of care, pay for child care and free up her time 🙄

Prepare and bring your son food to your Mil if you are not happy with what she is giving your son. It will solve one of your proble.

Then pay for childcare. Easy as

YABVU

"the truth is, toddlers are massively boring" isn't the truth. It is your opinion. Thankfully many people in society don't feel that way or we wouldn't have childminders and nannies who go out of their way for working families. I absolutely love the wonder of toddlers. Literally teaching them everything and watching them see and try to make sense of all new experiences. It isn't correct to suggest that all parents find parenting toddlers boring.

It really isn't even gender specific as lots of Dads or even Grandparents of either gender can be PFB.
One of my 1st babies Grandparents was very very full on with giving me "advice" and generally stressing me out telling me what to do all the time, by baby 2 I barely heard a peep out of them!!

Kids ask for stuff they like, often repeatedly, and especially if you sometimes “give in”. My six year old asked for ice cream for breakfast this morning. You just say no!

PFB is misogynistic, I’ve heard it all now 😆🤣😂

IME not allowing things is going to make dc see it else where and find ways of getting it in a sneaky way- I do not allow video games for example- my ds sneaks to his friends to play, my sister also did not allow her dc any chocolate and her 5 year old was caught stealing it out of other kids bags in school 😆
a little bit won’t hurt and the majority of the week your ds is getting home made food and plenty of activities- I’d let this one go

@Chilliinitiative again sorry for your chronic illness. Are you able to share what it is, as we may be able to come with more constructive help.

On your MIL, I think you do have to take onboard the advice on here given by most. The relationship between her and your DC and you and her is massively more important than food and a bit of TV.

Honestly, I do think we worry too much about food nowadays. As long as varied and with veg (and fruit) across the week it's honestly nothing to worry about one bit. Worrying and feeling anxious is far more harmful, and kids do pick up on these things and can end up with food issues.

I'm not of the opinion that grandparents looking after their own grandchildren are doing some supermassive favour, or even that their own children are supposed to be massively grateful for it (different culture, it's normal where I'm from, all grandparents do it).

However, you don't get to pick and choose. It's simple: you either accept their help, or you don't. Sure, you can make suggestions, but they're not obliged to accommodate it. If you deem their care unsuitable in any way - you take care of your child yourself.

The truth is, toddlers are massively boring, kids are much more interesting to spend time with once they're older. So I'd definitely stick one in front of the tv. There's a limited amount of mind-numbing 'play' I'd be prepared to tolerate.

As for food, I never in my life routinely ate shit like chicken nuggets or chips (or fed it to my kid). Because it tastes like absolute cardboardy crap and is nutritionally useless. But many other people do and it's their choice. Again, you can't demand anything from her.

As for 'she's fitter than me, is retired and has lots of time' - now that's entitled. It's not her fault you're disabled, she worked her share (if she's retired), raised her kids and doesn't owe you anything. If I'd say such to my mother, she'd tear me a new one, would tell me to shove my kid and don't show up again (and I wouldn't blame her, tbh).

Im a single parent and also chronically ill. On my bad days my children had the usual freezer food and lots of screen time. On good days I’d do my best to do things differently, there was a lot of freezer beige food and screens however they are now both at sixth form college. Capable of cooking and preparing all kinds of meals so it didn’t harm them.
I also remember my childhood of being loved and slightly spoilt by my grandma, be happy you have the help and support and try and relax about it a bit,

Yes, of course you're being unreasonable (as you have admitted), so unreasonable that it's hard to take your posts seriously. I understand you have a chronic illness, which must make everyday life particularly difficult. However, it takes a great degree of entitlement to expect your MIL not to do what you yourself have admitted to doing. That is the very definition of "do as I say, not as I do." It's ridiculous to say that you have higher standards than your MIL. 🙄 And on top of that, you actually resent your MIL when she is caring for your child twice a week, asking nothing in return. It's absurd for you to say that you will definitely look after any future grandchildren, as that is something you can't possibly know. When you're in your 60s, you may find you feel quite differently.

In an ideal world, screen time should be strictly limited for all children and they should all have a highly nutritious diet. In reality, as you know, shortcuts sometimes happen. The most important thing is that your MIL and your child are developing a strong emotional bond. That will be important for him throughout his life, far more significant than watching TV a couple of afternoons a week and eating a few chicken nuggets as a toddler.

Honestly I think your mindset is a bit ‘precious first baby’ plus only having experience of parenting one very young child. Believe me when they are older nobody can tell (or cares one little bit) which teenager only ate 100% homemade organic food and had zero screen time and just did enriching Montessori activities and which one had a few oven cooked meals a week and a bit of cbeebies. It honestly is not going to make the slightest bit of difference and there are no medals.

that sounds pretty snobby, to be honest.

I see what you mean. But I can also emphasise with MIl on this. If she has him for two afternoons, she'd probably like to spend all of that time with him rather than standing over a hob cooking a variety of food for him. I would say if you want fresh food, you'd need to provide it. My MIL looks after my chn and we pay for this, and still will not cook any meals. We get up early and cook so that food we want is readily available. In fairness my 2 year old is a LOT so cooking whilst he's there is very difficult. We usually cook Bolognese, or curry, chilli etc something that MIL just has to warm the accompaniment ( we put it in the pan ready).
I think you need to be explicit in your requests: and it would be fair to have one rule for all, so either no oven food or only cook oven food once, or provide meals. I understand chronic illness, but it also feels unfair to say do as I say it as I do. I think with the TV specify an amount of maximum time and provide other things he likes to do. I think specifying what programmes he can and can't watch may be a little much.
It's hard having family help there's lots of nuances to manage (it's also hard in childcare to balance too!) I hope you manage to find your feet with this xxx

You literally have no idea how you will feel or want you will want to do when you become a grandparent. I guarantee you.

I mean obviously YABU and your child will be fine as countless kids are with an hour or so of TV and the odd fish finger. It would be a shame to put him in extra childcare when grandparent relationships are so important.

Practical solutions to actually make her life easier: Does he have toys there? Can you spend 20 quid on toys at a charity shop so he has a big bucket of toys there that are a novelty? Is she happy taking him out? Could you pay for soft play or another activity for them to do? 20 months is a hard age to look after as they are not that independent. With my parents who do a day of childcare for me I always pay for them to do something and get lunch out but they do put the TV on after as they are understandably knackered!

If you think it's sad to value family relationships over the odd chicken nugget I'm ok with you being sad.

It's much sadder that anyone thinks the OP is being reasonable.

Kids aren't harmed from TV and chicken nuggets.
He's fed, warm, loved and a lot of kids TV is educational, a lot different from ipad games