DMIL giving TV time and oven food for toddler - should I say anything?

Nobody looks after our kids but myself and my husband so we don't have this problem but I do see exactly what you're saying. Just because she takes him for you doesn't mean you should just have to put up with her going against what you believe in. I don't understand why so many grandparents and aunties/uncles have to be this way. It's respect to do what the parent asks because they're raising their child a certain way and you're just being a pain in the arse about it.
Especially seeing as you have said feed him what you're eating so she's going out of her way to make a separate meal of junk. So if she just did that and gave him the dinner she's made everyone else, you'd be cutting your issue in half immediately and wouldn't have to try to bring balance when you're feeling really unwell. I would never go above a parents wishes no matter how many favours I was doing them. It's just a control thing when people act like this. There's no need for it. The TV thing I would overlook BUT only if he's watching things that are ok to watch. There's so much on TV now that really is not suitable for kids and people argue that it is but my kids wouldn't be watching such shite. She's just being a melter. If I had my nephew to mind I'd do what his mum and dad asked me to do because I love them and care about what they're doing to raise their son right. We won't always agree but I have my own kids and my own ways that are nobodies business. This sort of thing really does my head in.

I mean I don't think a 1 year old should be having ANY screen time. And seems research consensus agrees no screen time before 2. It serves no purpose, zero long term benefits.
I wouldn't like it if my mil did this, I would bring it up, and put it very blunt.
Hi mil, we dont want DD having any screen time at all. Doctor's orders.
If she the doesn't want to do it, get paid childcare.. although I would have you know my Dss nursery did screen time as well. I had to move him to a forest kindergarten to stop the screen time. It's just too easy to plop them in front of a screen. ( Same goes for you though, I hear you are struggling, but kids will soon learn to do other things than watch tv).
Do think it's a tiny bit hypocritical of you to use it but then not want your mil to use it.
I feel fair enough to ask it of my mother in law as we don't own a tv and do zero screen time!

Oh for goodness sake get a grip !

Its all a balance, this quality time with the Grandparents is such a special time, if you feel really strongly about your child's diet then maybe provide the food?
When I returned to work after our first child, my DM and DF looked after him for a few days,they came to our house. I would leave a menu plan, I had all the food prepared.
I did this to help them, I am the youngest of 6 , had a fabulous childhood, so i trusted their choices whilst he was in their care.
I didn't work when I had our second, I can't remember what food they ate, probably tonnes of oven food, they watched all sorts of TV too.
Our eldest is 25, working full time, second DS is 22, finished a masters at Oxford, 1st class, now studying a PhD at Edinburgh ( no private school here) so try not to stress too much, your child is thriving I’m sure, surround them with love,
It all works out in the end….

Granny time is helping you out. Tv and easy food wouldn't bother me a couple of days a week. Do you always do enriching activities. As the child prob enjoys a bit of downtime watching cbeebies with granny :) Plus you say these things should be saved for when you need the tv help etc..but maybe Granny isn't wanting/able to do stuff all afternoon either.

OP- my child has learned a lot from TV, and can be a brilliant tool for education and communication, and there are recent studies that say TV can be advantageous to children. Cut yourself some slack.

@Chilliinitiative ask mil to try yakadee, roots & fruits and me too aswell as something special on bbc iPlayer educational and fun

Yabu

But if the food bothers you a lot then get your DH to pre prepare healthy meals and stick them in his mums freezer or in a packed lunch when you send your child to them

Did you and your husband never watch tv as a child? Do you not watch it now? If so then fine be super strick about the TV. But really a couple of afternoons a week given the weather is awful is not that bad.
Sounds like you are stressing more then is needed .
Do you have just one child?

No childminder will love him more than nanny does.
As long as he has a varied diet he will be absolutely fine sometimes we need to choose our arguments.
Maybe suggest outings to the park instead of being indoors if there is one not far away I love doing this with my granddaughter .

Kids get "spoilt rotten" at nanny's house, everybody knows that. Didn't you OP?
Maybe MIL wants to watch TV, stuff cooked in the oven? What's wrong with that 2 days out of 7? At least it's not deep fried stuff. It's not like it's every day, all day.
Will you be the same when he's at nursery or school, as long as he's happy, healthy, safe and loved chill out and be glad she's kind enough to care for him, a lot of mothers or MIL wouldn't be tied down twice a week count your blessings is my advice.

Tbh op I think you are being a little hard on MIL. You say you will do xyz with your grandchildren and make sure they have healthy food etc but and i mean this in the nicest way possible, you have admitted you cant 100% do that with your child due to illness so you may end up doing what she does when the time comes.

I have a disabled daughter and a chronic disability myself so I get the tough days but if hes 80% of the time with u and 20% with her then the good habits he has at home will stick. I think theres an aspect of guilt on your part and there really shouldnt be. All we can do is our best. Let his tv/" junk food" time be a treat at grandmas and if you have to have some easy time at home let it be healthy snacks and educational tv. But dont let this be the hill you die on. X

You need to be more grateful

You won’t remember a thing few years ahead. Your kid will be just fine and even better with grandparents love. Just chill and look after yourself 🥰

Pay for a babysitter if you want total control.

And if you do use MIL as a free childminder, send food with the child.

Just as well my mother didn't have screens from very young age...

he doesn’t spend that much time with her I would let it go grandparents love to see the happiness and excitement from their grandkids and they love to give treats and allow things that are not allowed at home that’s what makes them grow up loving their grandparents not strict don’t do this and eat that all the time I would let it go .

But with screens from very young ages, the onset of MD will potentially be much earlier.

There are plenty of kids who have sensory issues, are neurodiverse or are just fussy and only eat beige food. It should be easy enough to give your little one a variety of fruit and chopped up cucumber etc. A daily multivitamin as well. I understand your frustration. Our in-laws have the kids 2 afternoons and they are given multiple treats. It was especially frustrating when they were babies/toddlers because they weren't even asking for sugar. 🙈 However we are so so lucky to have them. Kids are really hard work & we will take and appreciate any help we can get. My kids love TV but they also have plenty of times to play, craft, read and get out and about. With the first child you worry about everything. The second you'll be throwing them a McDonald's and an iPad before they can walk. 😂

It’s hard work looking after a toddler when you’re a granny!
I’m only 54 and a child care practitioner and after having my grandson for hours we sometimes end up watching telly and eating chicken nuggets! It will have absolutely no bearing on the rest of his life apart from having happy memories spent with his grandparents! Don’t start dictating on these small issues or you might end up with a bigger one!

Don't like ... send him to nursery!

I struggle with the same as my little boy has too much tv/chocolate when at my Mums but she looks after him one full day a week for free so I let it slide as I’m grateful it’s one less nursery day to pay for. I do always send him with a healthy lunch and homemade dinner to balance it out and know she doesn’t let him watch any programs I have asked her not to (peppa for example) . Just have to pick your battles sometimes and if your child is safe and looked after it’s not worth risking that!

2 afternoons a week isn’t going to hurt your child Nor are chicken nuggets and chips. I think you’re being a bit over the top to be honest. Whilst with nanny then u should accept she will do things her way I have 10 grandchildren and feed them McDonald’s or KFC as a treat when with me. It’s not hurt them lol. You need to relax or reduce ur work hours so she doesn’t have to have ur son. Good childcare is hard to come by, especially being free

Yes I’m afraid to say I do think you’re being unreasonable. Our 3.5 yr old was at the childminder from the age of 6 months and was basically weaned on oven food and was watching American crap on TV with the other older kids which we were seriously concerned would rot her brain. Fast forward to today and she’s bright, active, healthy, eats a varied diet, can take it or leave TV and had the time of her life with the other kids at the childminder.

what I’m saying, is, I would have given my right arm for her to have the love of a grandparent especially a young one like you have to look after her but ultimately they do turn out ok and what you’re describing won’t do any long-lasting damage although it doesn’t feel like that at the time!

agree with others’ suggestions to bulk freeze and give it to your MIL if it’s such a concern. However problem will be if DS is now used to oven food that’s all he’s going to want when he’s with her :/

My son wasn’t brought up on freezer food but as soon as he started childcare, he was refusing the food to begin with, but then he got use to it and you can’t really tell them what to feed the kids. It’s bound to happen at some point and you don’t really have a choice unless you choose to look after them yourself and not work. Even School Dinners are the same.

As for it only being 4 hours, either pack a lunch yourself, put up with it or pay someone else who will only do the same.

As for tv, for 4 hours you would think they would spend that time without the tv.