DMIL giving TV time and oven food for toddler - should I say anything?

Pretentious? Moi?

Honestly chill. It is different looking after a toddler in your 60’s to a 30yr

your dc is loved and cared for and 2 afternoons of some tv and chicken nuggets is not the end of the world via nanny

and give yourself a break. If having a rough day (not sure illness /disability you have)

then fine to have the tv on - or let dc play by self for a while and eat beige food

Darling you need to let this false guilt go. You're creating a guilt in your head by allowing you both to have TV time as well as TV time with MIL. It's really not going to damage him sweetheart (before anyone comes out with something ridic, obvs not anything inappropriate). I learnt about false guilt this week at counselling as I do it and have done a lot in my life. It's ok to feel like that, I'm not going to tell you you're irrational; to move forward though I think you could try things to take the anxiety off.
I discovered recently a woman on YouTube, Chantress Seba and she is so calming. I listen to sleep guided meditation and that helps me with anxiety also. Do you take caffeine?
I had to swap to decaf and although I feel like I constantly need a kick up the butt it's done good for my anxiety also.

I hate the BBC but Cbeebies has a lot of educational programs.
Alphablocks, Colourblocks and Number locks are great for a 2 year old as they are bright to tantalise the eyes and hold the focus on the program and the education goes in the mind.
My son loved Blaze and the Monster Machines and that teaches a range of mathematic subjects. Not sure if that's on there still though and maybe a bit older for DS.
Sarah & Duck is lovely.
The Baby Club is good.
Hey Duggee and Bluey are great for parents as well as children. Honestly, most parents become invested.
Bluey particularly has some beautiful messages within their programmes and I'm not ashamed to say I've cried at more than one episode.

MIL should be more considerate to your requests, DH should continue to remind her to be respectful of the requests.
I don't think she should be expected to be physical with DS although if mobility isn't an issue they could go out wrapped up very warm but I would expect her to do it.
As for food, I think providing the food is a better idea if you really don't want nuggies and chips. Keep his palate up, food sensitive children are a bit of a nightmare.
Children change so much so quickly.
What they liked yesterday they are definitely not necessarily going to like today.
You're doing a good job mama.
Stay away from manuals and Google.

🫶🏼

gosh really!!!

Can you elaborate on that please, I’m not sure what you mean .

I wouldn't touch a Montessori nursery with a barge pole. Child-centred play-based learning does not work.

I get it I’ve never been a super strict mum
which actually is why it’s annoying when the GPs go overboard because you then feel like you have to restrict what you do.
i get the feeling you feel that in reality your child is watching more than half an hour. You’ll start finding out when your child is able to talk and tell you!
My MIL was sticking my son in front of Peppa Pig for hours at a time while she did vacuuming etc which was lovely but id rather she spent time with him. Feeding him
mountains of junk I found all sorts of cakes etc in her bag. Bearing mind he had allergies + reflux and was being given stuff that he shouldn’t, he was also always sick on the night of the days she looked after him. 2 slush puppies one after another at the age of 3 or 4. She regularly lied about these things.There’s many other things could list but what im saying is trust your gut.
I had to put my son in nursery for the morning so that they only had him for half a day and he got a decent lunch.

I think this is a bit dramatic... you're actually very lucky that your DS will eat a balanced diet most of the time. I have a 2year old who sometimes will only eat some baked beans and a yoghurt for dinner! I did everything 'right' by the way - she's just fussy. Doesn't like nuggets or chips or anything either! I once read something that said not to panic about it - take their overall intake over a week including all meals. As long as they're eating well for most meals over the 21 meals in a week (+ snacks) then don’t worry too much about the individual meals.

I’m just so glad you’re not my DIL. You’re very entitled and ungrateful. You should be thankful your ML helps you out at all. A lot of young children will only eat food like chicken nuggets and they survive quite well. I look after my grandchildren and often have children’s TV on in the background while we play, bake etc as it calms them. It also helps to get our granddaughter to sleep

@PurpleThistle7

Both of mine love cold hoops- cold beans too! Better than worrying about accidentally getting them nuclear hot in the microwave and then waiting an age for them to cool down! Yes there's much better things they could eat but as part of a varied diet they are fine and on those days that you really feel you can't make it through, absolute lifesaver!

@Mummyto7lovelife it wasn't a reply to your comment. It was a comment on the OP's concerns

Eight hours a week, 2 meals?

Babe, stop stressing yourself. If it bothers you that much, DH can make him a packed lunch.

But seriously, stop stressing. This is really nothing to be worried about.

I can't imagine you'll make it all the way down here but just in case...

I think you are getting a bit mixed up between 'what I wish I could do if I felt better more often' and 'what a Grandparent providing childcare can and should do'... these aren't the same thing. You are amazingly lucky to have affordable (free?) childcare this often. My husband and I are immigrants and when the kids were little he travelled a lot for work. I had Hyperemesis gravidarum for the entirety of my pregnancy with my son so my daughter spent a 'lot' of time eating whatever I could throw at her while watching In the Night Garden. Including cold Heinz hoops on more than one occasion (I swear she liked it!). She's fine and not picky at all.

I think you are feeling sad about finding things difficult at time and wishing you could be the parent you envisioned at the start. While of course your illness makes this trickier, I promise there are very few parents actually parenting entirely as they pictured as the start. Life happens and compromises are made and you'll find a different way forward. Please be kind to yourself - there's no report card and no one will be judging you as much as you are judging yourself. The literal most important thing for a child is to be loved and safe - everything else is details.

My kids were monsters in the evening at that age so we did a lot of picnic teas (with screaming) and yogurt pots and whatever else happened. Figured a decent breakfast and lunch was good going so anything else is just a bonus anyway.

There is nothing wrong with convenience food sometimes (or many times!) and nothing wrong with some relaxing time with his grandmother. Am sure she is finding it harder than she expected when she volunteered for this - it's a rough age and she's already done her time with her own child(ren). It's so lovely that they have this time together, your child is very lucky.

OP is clear in her posts that by "oven food: she means things like nuggets and chips - stuff that goes straight from factory to freezer to oven with no culinary action at home. As opposed to food made with fresh ingredients and minimal processing which might be cooked in either saucepans/frying pans or oven or more than one of these. OP specifies that the grandma cooks freshly made "ingredient" meals for herself but doesn't share these with the toddler.

? Sorry?

how should be food be cooked other than an oven?

If your MIL asks why you’re doing this, say you assumed she was having done financial issues to cut costs as she’s only giving him inexpensive food and you don’t want to cause them any hardship

Please don't do this. That would be insane and actively unpleasant.

Sorry but just the term “oven food” put my back right up. Nothing wrong cooking with an oven.

why not provide the food you want your toddler to eat? If your MIL asks why you’re doing this, say you assumed she was having done financial issues to cut costs as she’s only giving him inexpensive food and you don’t want to cause them any hardship

if not, then put up with it. You can shears just not send your child. If there is no allergies you ghouls think about your battles.

I don't think it's a matter of winning in Mumsnet as much as seeing what someone is trying to support you and it not being good enough. Appreciate it more or stop sending the child.

You won’t win on MN!
whilst your MIL is fit, it is more exhausting looking after a toddler in your 60s than in your 30s.
my mil would have my kid on Saturdays and she was absolutely wiped out by the time we collected. She is almost exactly 60
year older than him so was a young retired person when he was born!

your kid is fed and loved. Let it go.

kids also start reducing their food likes as their palate develops. My toddler would eat all the veg when he was little. He’s 15 know and won’t touch a carrot or bit of cauliflower yet ate all of these when little

So sorry but you have someone who is looking after your child free of cost that too who is 61 years old be grateful and say thanks

I do find it interesting that people view retired older people as having all this free time, therefore they should do this and this in this way and not as people who have already done the hard yards of parenting and actually want the enjoyment of being a grandparent.

She's not a parent now. Let her be a grandparent. Help your child to understand the difference between 'home' and 'Grandma's'. I did lots of stuff I wouldn't do at home at my Grandma's. I didn't expect it at home because home was different. You are the parent. She is the grandparent. It's a different role.

Let me guess......first child?

I have 3 kids. By the time I got to number 3 we probably had far too much tv and screens and my 3rd has just scored in her CAT tests in the top 10% and is ridiculously clever so clearly did no harm. (Definitely doesn't get her intelligence from me 🤣)

I also fed all my kids very nice, extensive home cooked meals. My 3rd ate anything and everything as did my 1st. 2nd kid was fussy from day dot.

Now, as teens my 1st still eats anything, 2nd eats most things, 3rd eats an extremely limited diet. It's like she turned 3 and suddenly hated the textures of everything. She lives on chicken dippers, cheap microwavable mac & cheese, cereals and pepperoni pizza.

So just because your kid eats well rounded food now, doesn't mean she will continue to do so.

Your DMIL does not owe you anything and I personally resent your assumption that because she's 61 (which is harly aged!), she should be at your beck and call.

She is doing you a huge favour looking after your kid for this amount of time.

There are children in the world being mistreated and neglected and you're here complaining about free childcare, chicken nuggets and TV.

If your DMIL is even slightly aware of how you perceive her, I hope she withdraws her offer.

Then you have another few hours a week to play the role of perfect parent.

You're being completely unreasonable.

Just make sure you have non freezer food for the other 5 days if it bothers you that much you can easily have a few ready prepped meals for him that are easy to do on your ill days. That's just being a bit unprepared yourself. You could even ask DH to prepare extra when he cooks.
I remember when I hadn't given sweets to my one year old but she knew what they were as my gran has been whenever she had her. It made me cross but it didn't make any difference to them they just did what they wanted.

I get the screen thing. I never liked my kids watching anything but BBC kids as I don't like adverts lots of cartoons etc. I don't have a TV so that's not a problem with the grandkids now but some have been sent with their tablets as they will be 'bored' because we don't have a TV!

But your alternative is more nursery which would be a shame as it's nice for your child to go and you may rely on them more when you need them more.
Suck it up and make more effort with your own meals