Everyone has a room of their own except me and it’s bothering me.

Take the tv out of your room?

I do sympathise OP as I work from home full-time and have a husband and toddler in a 1-bed flat, so on days when DH is wfh too I don't get a minute to myself.

That said though, if your husband works up in the attic and you have teens who I presume are at school/college the majority of the time, surely you do get quite a lot of alone time during the days? Unless you're out at work yourself I guess.

If I said “I need a bit of space for an hour” he’d kiss me and say see you later . That’s not the point. I want to excuse myself without fanfare, shut a door and come out when I want, the way the kids can.

Tbh I think it's fundamentally quite different being a teenager living with parents vs a married adult (as sad as it is!). If my husband took himself off for an hour, I'd be thinking where is he?! What's he doing?! Unless he said he wanted space, as you've said.

Personally, I'd swallow the fear of ladders and use the attic for some alone time when you need it. Also definitely install an over-bath shower....not that anyone will use it vs the proper one anyway though 😂

Another vote for a woman cave in the garden. I’d buy a summerhouse and make it really cosy. Alternatively, I remember a poster on here buying a cheap old caravan and turning that into her own little escape room.

Because it's a bedroom, so while it can be used for other purposes, its primary function is to provide a place to sleep, so the needs of the person who wants to sleep should take precedence. Just like it would be unreasonable of the OP to make the family turn off the tv in the living room so she could sleep there.

That said, I don't think it's fair to stop him being able to use his phone while in bed as long as it's not noisy.

I think a "do not disturb" sign is reasonable in the absence of other solutions. It's not "no entry".
Use it as a literal sign that you need some quiet time and and that it's not the time for chatter or additional background noise from things like phones or TV. Blocking him from entering at all would be unfair, but being reminded to use some consideration isn't.

It looks like it is time to have a chat with him, a good humoured chat that brings him up to speed on how dearly you would love the option to be able to just chill out on your own for a while. It's not actually that radical, is it? Putting a shower in the main bathroom for the kids to use instead of traipsing through the adults' bedroom would make a huge difference, and if OP's DH and she can come to an agreement about solitary use of the bedroom for quiet time, it'll help a lot.

My DH is absolutely lovely but he works from home 100% of the time now, and I still haven't got used to how THERE he is. But I know that if I said I was going to have a quiet lie down in our room (which I do if I have a headache for example) or went in there and closed the door, nobody would disturb me until I reappeared. If DS closes his door nobody barges in, a closed door is a very strong symbol.

Obviously you cannot ban your DH from his own room lol.
Just like he can’t bsb you from it either.

When you have a partner or kids it can be tough to have alone space.

Surely though, if he spends most of the time at work and then in the bedroom, you can just use the front room?

What hours do you work?

I am someone who needs alone time and I find going for a walk by myself after work is such a nice way to have alone time.

I would also tell him that you’re planning to start going to bed early and if he wants to watch TV after X time then he’ll need to do it downstairs.

Sounds like getting a shower over the Bath is the first step. Then see if that eases how you feel.

I think you need to have a word with him about how you're feeling rather than let it build up.

Unless DH uses the loft space out of working hours, in all fairness it's his work space, so I think he can he forgiven for that.

Only time we have doors closed here is if we're ill, wrapping presents or have visitors and getting changed. Having said that, I do like a bit of switch off time with my book before bedtime, so I chose to take myself off to bed before DH. Maybe, sometime like that could work. If you really need some extra space and it's not possible at home, do you have time for a walk or coffee/cake treat out on your own?

How about a loft conversion? Then you could make a proper office for dh and a room for you up there.

Get the family bathroom redone with a good shower and ban all others from the en suite.

Yes it's perfectly reasonable to need your own space.

Put a bolt on the marital bedroom door. Agree with DH that you're allowed to withdraw and bolt yourself in there for up to 2 hours if you first check with him that he isn't going to need to use it imminently.

Not everyone has a need for personal space and aDND notice would be agreed first. Very different than one partner doing it without consulting first.

Just speak to your DH. It doesn't sound like he has a clue that he's upsetting you, nor is he telepathic!
Get another shower fitted for the dc, get a lock on your bedroom door and tell your dh that you need some space now and then.
I regularly tell my dh that I'm having an hour to myself in another room, he doesn't mind at all. It's crucial that I actually tell him though, I wouldn't just flounce off and expect him read my mind.

You explain the situation respectfully and openly here . Do the same to DH and ask him to help find a solution. No tv watching in the bedroom? No DC or DH in the bedroom between 8-10pm daily? This is not a rejection of anyone just a new need for space. Or could you create a woman cave in a garden shed?

Organise the house better: get rid of the TV in your bedroom and make your lounge comfortable enough that you enjoy watching it there. Then say get a Do Not Disturb sign and tell everyone when it’s on your bedroom door; you are getting changed or are asleep so no baths or showers during that and if it’s your DH coming in, be v v quiet. Get yourself a lovely pillow, a sleep mask, ear plugs if you need, and make your bedroom as lovely as you want it. I don’t know why you mention your husbands work station.. sounds like he has tried to carve out a small space to work in which is no easy feat in a house already very full. Sort out your communal areas so people will use them better and then sort out your own bedroom exactly as you would like it!!

Well her DH hasn't got privacy either. Apart from a desk and a chair in the loft where he can't exactly chill out and watch TV can he....?

I don't get why you can't just agree if you need your own space that one of you is in the bedroom and the other downstairs? Yes you may get interrupted from time to time but that's just family life.

It sounds very extreme and unfair to put a lock and DND sign on the door to keep your husband out when it's his bedroom too.

If a man did this and the woman posted on here that her DH had locked her out of the bedroom there would be uproar...

I would commandeer the sitting room or kitchen or bedroom, and make it plain that when you're in there you are doing your own thing. I'd hope locking doors wouldn't be necessary.
But everyone needs their own space. I know I do. I choose to spend most of my time in a room alone and others are guests rather than fully welcome whenever they feel like it. Sounds weird but the others have the same freedom in their own rooms. I'm lucky it's just three adults, no kids.

You said you don’t like ladders! But maybe you could use the loft office, after your husband has finished work! Maybe the more times you use the ladder, you will get use to it. Make it your space, when you go up and tell family not to disturb you.

It’s not derailing when you’re talking about the OP.

as you think it’s worse due to peri it probably is . I was much more angry and outspoken in peri than I ever was before or since . Please just talk to him about it and together come up with a solution . Be it a sign or a space somewhere that’s yours .

Suggestions - Shower over bath, or timed entrance to your shower and enforce it. Better ladder up to loft, so it is accessible to you. Shed in the garden that is your base. No tv in bedroom and it is strictly for sleep, wind down and tv is in the lounge. Lights - install a small two way directional light above your heads, on the wall, so you can read with light but it is directed to the book and not the whole room and it works brilliantly, as you can turn off the light not needed. Explain to the family that you are at that stage where you need a moment or you will end up murdering the lot of them and that all of the above are needed to ensure sanity prevails.

Nothing, but op wants to be able to not say anything to him and just escape for me time x

The shower isn’t the main problem, but if you get the kids out of your room, it will help with the interruptions and the lack of privacy.

Could your husband add a lounge area to his office nook? That way he would have a space to watch tv and just hang out as well, freeing the bedroom to become more your space.

@Starlight1984 why is everyone allowed privacy but the OP?

I couldn't deal with this OP. Could you divide the loft?