Everyone has a room of their own except me and it’s bothering me.

The only thing that came to mined was how much fun i would have with my husband in the loft😁.

Id pester him just to get attention but im like that so lovey.🙂

I know he "has" the attic, but it's his workspace, so presumably that's not his private space during his downtime?

You are not being unreasonable, family life changes as everyone gets older.

You say your husband is a loving and reasonable man, so if I were you I would explain the problem to him, especially that this is a problem that has recently evolved as your children are now teenagers and you are perimenopausal. Don't suggest any solutions, just see how he responds and he might just think of something that you haven't.

Point out that you're the only person with no individual space/privacy, and ask him if he's got any ideas about how you as a family can create some for you?

Sorry but this is absolutely bloody awful.

Can you imagine if someone posted on here that their husband had bought a lock for the inside of THEIR bedroom and told their wife she couldn't go in for 2 hours?!?! Oh and then to top it off, lied about why they were doing it?

Sorry, this sounds tough. I’d suggest talking to your DH and don’t feel like you are doing anything terrible if you need to tell him you need space. I’m also perimenopausal and have spoken to my DH a lot about this and he understands (as much as a man can) that I need time out more than before. So for example, this week after dinner most days I’ve said I’m going upstairs for a bit. No big fanfare but he knows that means I just need to be alone. More practically, could you get a shower adapter thing for the bath? Or agree specific times the en suite can be used? Good luck.

Get a shower fitted.
Ask for alone time in the bedroom.
Make use of the living room when the kids go to bed.
Move to a bigger house.

Haha OP, let me tell you the solution: I put a small slide-across lock on the bedroom door, I announce to DH and any of the (adult) kids I will be having a long call with a friend/bath/work conference call/any old excuse then I lock the door for 2 hours. They are used to it now 😁

creatd new habits and set new expectations

just do it

buy the little lock at B&Q for £2.99

I completely understand this feeling. I have no solutions that are that great really. A garden room for the spring / summer could be made to be really lovely, maybe you could put a wood burner in for the winter but would you actually go out there in the cold, put the burner on and use it…?

i am in the same position as you and regularly fantasise about a lovely room all to myself where I can have sewing stuff out all the time, a desk area for when I have to do bits of work and life admin, and a sofa area in a bay window for reading in. I looked around a house once to buy (sadly too expensive) where the mum had a studio like this in a beautiful light filled room of the house with vaulted ceilings and period features all over the place. She worked in textiles so used it for work but I’m so envious of all the downtime that also could be enjoyed in it 😂

I can absolutely understand where you are coming from, but I have a few practical questions:

1. why can’t you change clothes in your bedroom if your teen is in the en-suite shower?
2. If your husband is watching TV in bed, is that because the teens are in the living room? If they are not, couldn’t you have the living room to yourself?
3. can you tweak your daily/weekly routines so you are sometimes at home during a time when all the kids are out and DH is either working or also out?

My practical plan would be get rid of the bath in the main bathroom and replace with a fab walk in shower that everyone loves (unless you are particularly addicted to baths; personally I much prefer a good roomy walk in shower)

Tell your husband how you feel and ask him to use the living room instead of the bedroom for watching TV. That seems like a reasonable compromise.

Make sure you plan ahead with specific stuff to do together like watching a particular TV show or eating together just the 2 of you, to mitigate the effect of asking for more space.

I 💯 understand how you feel and crave a space of my own. My husband now has an office fashioned in our bedroom too and children haven't (and doubtful will) transitioned to spending evenings in their bedrooms.

I do, however have a lock on the bedroom door, which I use before having a shower and take my time getting dressed. I also try and do some yoga in there at the weekends, so lock it while I do that. The only time I'm alone in my house is when I'm WFH on the rare occasions DH has gone out during the day.

Are you able to get time alone going to the gym/errands/a walk? Go and sit in the library or a coffee shop occasionally? I know it's not the same as being home, but it can get you a little time alone. Failing that, how big is your kitchen and can you manage a chair in there?

It absolutely is.

It’s the WFH op. Never ever having a minutes peace.

Dh needs to work somewhere else for one day a week at least. Loads of places do shared work spaces.

It is suffocating to be stuck with the same person 247 and everyone needs their space for a healthy marriage/family.

Even if you had the space though, you shouldn't have to. You have an entire house with lots of rooms, you shouldn't need to have sole rights to a particular room to get a bit of space.

It's not going to kill off your marriage to ask for a bit of solo downtime. Or if it did, that would say more about the marriage than the request.

How does the downstairs space work - is it usually full of DC when your husband wants to watch TV?

Is there any way you could afford to move house? This could go on for years.

Lockdown coincided with peri with me, luckily we have enough rooms to be able to have our own space, as over the years I need my own space more and more! Luckily we are all quite similar, so no offence is taken if someone disappears off for a bit.

If your DH is understanding person , he will get it and hopefully between you, you can come to some solutions (some of which have been suggested on here)

That's my go too as well. Music on and chill!

She shed
Shower over the bath
Job done.

Take the tv out of your bedroom

Garden room/office maybe?

Talk to him. Tell him you want to take the TV out of the bedroom even.

Everyone needs alone time. But you need to make your feelings known sometimes if they're accustomed to you sucking it up.

Shower over bath can easily be installed.

Have you space in the garden for one of those outdoor rooms? Effectively a well insulated Garden shed? Some people put a wood burner or use it as a man cave.

I'm afraid I can't suggest any solution but sending you massive sympathy about this. Posters who are focusing on the practical things like showers and where people get dressed are missing the point.

Until about three years ago I was the only person in my household who didn't have their own space. I worked from a corner of our bedroom throughout lockdown. Everyone respected that and it kinda worked. One of our sons then moved out and I converted his bedroom into a study for me and the difference is incredible. We are now a household of three adults (other son will NEVER leave) who ask jog along more than happily but all have their own space to retreat to.

I recognise how fortunate I am and hope you find a way round this OP.

I just think it's quite unusual for all adults to have their own dedicated space in a house really, I don't think I know anybody that has that. Because surely if one's in 'their' private space, the other has the bedroom/living room to themselves by default?