Everyone has a room of their own except me and it’s bothering me.

I felt the same way as you but got an office in the garden (lockdown and won’t ever go back to working from business hq full time again). I love it and can go out there whenever I need time alone - put some music or podcast on and kick back. Not cheap (£12K all in, inc planning permission, electrics, building, decorating) and you need to have the space (we barely do) but I don’t regret it and wouldn’t be without it now. NB It is very small!

It is lovely in the summer and cosy in winter.

My other thought was a caravan/camper van on drive. If you can carve out some space for yourself I thoroughly recommend it. Good luck!

Also, often mocked on mn but noise cancelling headphones are brilliant. Switch off, zone out.

Yes you are enjoying your own company more. I think this is the main benefit of menopause it’s like you take back that that lovely nine year old that had never suffered hormones. So you’re right it’s not on… however the kids will leave soon and you will enjoys bags of space. The thing about life is you get bits of what you want at different times rarely under your command. So you’ll just have to suck it for a bit and secretly glory in your new emotional independence 👏👏

When I had 4 DC under 12 and in a similar state of mind, I made a Do Not Disturb sign. It was really just a bit of cardboard and handwritten with a Permanent Marker!
I summoned the DC and DH to a good-humoured conflab and explained I sometimes needed a break, so I would be sticking the sign on the bedroom door on those occasions. DH was supportive and no-one had any objection to that. It did work most of the time.

This. It is what parents up and down the country crave, peace and me time. Buying a camper to park down the road would seem expensive and extreme. Just talk to your family and negotiate quiet time.

Every one of her friends are green once they have spent any time in there.
It is so small, cute, womb like.
The peace and tranquility in there.
She listens to her radio or music, reads.
The cooker is fantastic so she cooks for friends.
I don't think they are particularly expensive, definitely under 5K, but she has added a fully functional other room to her house.
She never imagined such a gift would transform her life.
Her marriage is completely the better of it.
Her husband took a lot of time fixing it up heating and over wise.
He loves that she is SO much calmer and happier in herself, just because she has some space for herself.
Its called her Happy Hut😁

A real Fairy Godmother!

A friend of mine was gifted a small two berth caravan by her single godmother who can no longer use it.
She has parked it in her garden.
It is in perfect condition despite being 20 years old. No children ever in it.
It has a full over, heater.
It is fabulous.
She has filled it with her bits, gorgeous cushions and blankets.
She hooked it up to electricity and it is working.
She has created the most wonderful space, has her friends like me over for coffee, wine, supper.
She describes it as the greatest gift she has ever received.
Her family know it is her space and to not go near her when she is there.
With 4 older children, very late teens, early 20's at home, it has been a godsend the last 2 years.
She hasn't moved it anywhere and has no plans to.
Its just a wonderful space for her to have for herself.
Her godmother is so thrilled that it has been such a source of joy for her.

This was a bugbear of mine for years. Not only was I never alone in MY house, I was the only person living there who didn't have their own space within it, and when I tried to talk to DH about it he said, "But it's the same for all of us." I think he was motivated not to see the problem because he didn't want to share the part of the living room that had been screened off for "his office" (he was a SAHP with a hobby-job at the time) and was full of his stuff, or the locked room inside the garage.

I like the campervan idea. I used to fantasise about buying a tiny flat that would be mine alone, where I could have empty space that wouldn't be filled by other people's stuff and thoughts that wouldn't be interrupted.

You just need to talk to DH. Tell.him you're feeling a bit frustrated and can you have an hour every evening where you're in your own or wahtever.
FWIW if your kids are pre teens in a year or two they'll be teens and you'll have the downstairs back to yourself as they'll be in their bedrooms. So an alternative is to create a bit of sanctuary for yourself downstairs? Cosy reading corner?
The final solution is to find a hobby and go out once a week. I have a craft hobby and for a number of years I used to go out once a week to a class. It wasn't a teaching class per se but a sort of "stay and craft" space. So you were in a space with other crafters but no specific interactions unless you wanted to

A little camper van’s the most excellent idea for all Mums if at all practical.

I think your idea of a little camper van is quite a good one really. I live on the coast and I'd love to just bugger off and go and sit and watch the sea for a bit. Shame I can't drive!

I would definitely make it less open plan. Is the living room separate? You could have that as a feng shui haven to your taste. I don't think it would be unreasonable to explain to your family that peri menopause is having an effect and thst if you are in your sanctuary, then you would appreciate the peace.

I think you should be able to chunk out hours of alone/do not disturb time from your family in the bedroom. This includes your DH. YANBU to request this from your DH.

Do reconsider as well PP suggestions of having a shower put in over the bath as well - as you might be surprised how much that alone helps you with creating a boundary and reclaiming the space.

Your DH and DC then don’t need to disturb you as no need to use the ensuite.

(You can potentially get a proper shower put in over your bath with an opening shower screen added on one side).

I know exactly what you mean. Having your own space is important and having equivalent space to other family members is important. Mumsnet has a line about having the same amount of free time and spending money. I think we should add same amount of space to this list.

We had a shared office/craft room/spare room and then over the pandemic it became my DH's room. And I've really had to work at getting my own space again.

My suggestions for space would be looking at putting a walk in wardrobe outside the ensuite and not using it as a wardrobe but as your personal chillout area. I think you could get a quite a decent space without eating into the bedroom too much. That's the red squiggle.

I'd also look at getting a very compact garden shed or sentry box shed which you can put a comfy chair in and use as a quite spot in spring/summer/autumn. That's the blue squiggle. You'd probably have to have the door open, but the roof would keep the chair dry. It should be small enough not to block any windows and light enough to move if it does block any drain covers.

I could have written this. Just a week ago I said I was jealous of my kids having their own rooms 😔

Nope I couldn't cope with everyone on the bedroom. From when the kids went to school we stopped them coming into out bedroom - no tv or en suite so not a huge issue. They have to knock as quite frankly we might be having sex.

Take the tv out, get an electric shower over the bath and reclaim your space.

I think the main issue is the bathroom. Not sure if touched on already, but I’d be getting a shower installed in the main bathroom and telling your kids to no longer come into your room. Tbh, you can’t call your husbands ‘den’ his retreat. Sounds like a functional office space rather than a place to relax. I think once the dcs no longer used your en-suite, things will seem a lot better.

We have a slightly less tight living space - but I’m still the one without anywhere. I have a basket with my things in that represents my territory and a cushion on one of the sofas where I might sometimes get left alone, I tried to extend to a cabinet recently and somehow my 5yos new dj deck toy (thanks little sis
!) has ended up on it and my husband has put load of christmas junk on it too that needs putting away which I’m irrationally annoyed about as I feel everyone else has somewhere and I don’t. So I really empathise with the territory thing.
I think as it’s new and you’ve identified it as being hormonal, and things may get more unsettled as they progress - is it a good time to raise it with him - that you’ve not been totally rationally feeling like this - you know it’s not really him it’s you etc.?

Personally for anything like this with my pregnancies etc I use my slightly crazy humour and then we have a serious conversation about it after all the joking around.

If you do get a camper tell us about it! 😍

I feel your pain. I’ve literally just come back from the gym I joined this afternoon because I needed to get away from husband thinking out loud about work stuff, my currently very horrible 16 year old just being horrible, and the dog whining. And I’ll get fit & toned in the process. The gym was empty and it was 45 mins of utter bliss. I went from hugely heightened to chilled. Home now, much better. I highly recommend if you can.

If your husband is the man you have described here he won't take it as a rejection, he will understand it as he has his own space. Sometimes men do seem to think their space is theirs and the rest of the house is 'hers' without realising the inherent sexism in that so he may need it spelled out. But it's not unreasonable to want privacy and 'territory' and if that needs to be your shared bedroom or a specific corner within it then imo so be it. It's the only feasible space and you are allowed.

Do you have a garden? Any chance to create a little space there? A small garden house/hut/shed? A garage to convert? My MIL got herself a second hand shepherds hut (on wheels) with a little wood burner, and even though she has a tiny garden, she managed to squeeze it into a corner and create a little sanctuary for herself 😊

Any chance you could put some folding doors or similar partition that can be used to divide the big room and create a cosy space for you downstairs when you need it and opened up when you want an open space?