Everyone has a room of their own except me and it’s bothering me.

It is totally reasonable to want to be alone, I'm the same and honestly it is a weird thing about marriage/relationships that we immediately share all our space!
Does your husband never go out with friends or family or by himself? Can you encourage him into any hobbies. I feel like if you explain to him that you need a couple of evenings or a weekend afternoon alone then he would/should understand. Here are the ways I get space;
Every Thursday he plays football and goes to the pub with his mates so I have the house to myself other than the kids in their rooms
Have a bath (lock the door)
In the summer a wine and a book in the garden
Taking a walk (better with a dog!)
We have a tv in our bedroom and we will often agree to watch separate things alone if he wants to watch a film or sport I don't fancy

I'd suggest thinking specifically about how much time alone. I'd also get a plumber to quickly turn your bath into a bath with a shower over it so when you do shut the door nobody has a legitimate reason to open it.

A few extreme options but it depends how much you really want a space:

Remove the ensuite and make that your little space. Put a shower in the downstairs bathroom/make the ensuite the main room if everyone is using it for that anyway and have the downstairs bathroom as your room.

Build a separate area downstairs in the open plan area.

totally get you, late 40's peri menopause and desperatly need my alone time and space. get that shower fitted over the bath and you definately need that time alone without people walking in, i get you and feel your pain

Wow!! that sounds amazing 👏 😍 your friend is very lucky

Totally understand, we used to have his n hers sheds. I think the camper is a lovely idea but, in the meantime, maybe just your car? You don't need to tell anyone you're sat in it so you can lock the door and just sit and chill or a read a book.

Don't ask him if it can be a shared room. Tell him. Move your stuff back to where you can access it!

I don't understand why you're being so passive about it.

It's a drastic solution, but could you afford to move house?! It sounds as if you (as a family) really need more space. Your DH's ladder up into the loft space is fine but not ideal.

On the floor plan you've shared, the main bathroom is on the ground floor, so even if you did have a shower in there, people might still prefer using the en-suite, although you wouldn't have to let them.

I assume you have a TV and comfy sofas downstairs - not sure why you did movie nights in your bedroom? I'd be tempted to get rid of the TV in there tbh. That would solve the problem of DH watching TV in your bedroom when you want to sleep or read a book or whatever.

I think it's totally normal to crave some time and space to yourself. We never used to spend ALL our time together - the lockdowns and shift to WFH has forced a lot of people together 24/7 and I don't think it's always a good thing. In the absence of any other solution I think it would be totally reasonable to explain to your DH that you're craving time and space to yourself and to suggest a "do not disturb" sign for the bedroom door. Obviously he'd still come in if it was urgent but perhaps it would be enough of a prompt to give you the space you need. If he doesn't get it perhaps you'll have to overcome your aversion to ladders and make a habit of popping up to his man cave regularly.

They already have a tv in the bedroom; it's part of the problem - the husband is in there watching tv when the OP wants the space to herself. It's in the first post.

Get a lock on the door and a tv in your room. Carve out tine between x and y for you only. Tell everyone else to stay out. I have a tv in our bedroom and a lock for this every reason!!

I agree with some of the ideas already on here, depending on budget. It is important to have some space to yourself.

First step, at no cost, would be to get rid of the TV set from the bedroom. And talk to your husband about how you're feeling and the need to find a solution together.

Next, look at what you can afford to do to fix the bathroom situation. Ideally swap the bath for a shower.

Then think about what space you might be able to make for yourself in another part of the house/garden. It may be possible to partition the open plan downstairs and have a small room for yourself. Or if you get rid of the en suite, you could have a small space where that was.

This, or if you can afford it, maybe look at upgrading to a four bed house.

Sorry OP but I do think YABU. Not that you don't deserve your own sanctuary and some time alone. But that I don't think alot of people really get that these days. Homes in the UK dont generally have many extra spaces / rooms for everyone in the family. You chose to live in a 3 bed home and have 2 kids, surely you knew that would mean no spare rooms. Kids generally get their own rooms and parents share, thats just how it works unless you want to make your DCs share so mum gets another space.
Your bedroom should be your sanctuary. Make it that way. Your DH isnt a mind reader you cant expect him to know you need some alone time without telling him. Speak to him about all this, make the bedroom what you want it to be. Get another shower, remove the tv from your bedroom and make it your space.

@ThePond I am with you on the door thing. My kids have learned that the sitting room door has to stay shut, or there is a horrendous cold draught - DH waltzes in through the closed door, asks what I'm doing (I hate that question), then waltzes out again leaving it wide open. Absolutely does my head in.

Step 1. Get a shower fitted in the bathroom. This reduces the traffic in your bedroom to just you and DH.

Step 2. Have an open conversation with DH about perimenopause and how it’s affecting you. Tell him something that would really help is some quiet time on your own from time to time. Given logistics, having time when you can shut the bedroom door and be undisturbed is the best solution. Does he have any other suggestions?

Step 3. He agrees that your wellbeing is important and says he’s happy to help and giving you sole use of the bedroom occasionally is a perfectly reasonable compromise.

Regarding the shower issue, I do think we will have a similar issue when our daughter is a teen (she’s 10 now) and having long showers at all hours. Right now it’s a struggle to get her in a shower (we have one in our en-suite)and she prefers the bath but I suspect we may consider installing a shower in the main bathroom in a few years. Can you do that?

I think you need to just tell OH when you need a bit of space to relax by yourself. This means either he should leave you alone in the bedroom or take the bedroom himself and leave you the living room for a bit. Get a do not disturb sign for the bedroom! Really it’s best to just be clear about what you need/want.

YANBU to want your own space. My kids are 9 and 12 and I like to be somewhere quiet not sat in the same room while they play on the Xbox. If the kids are in their rooms can’t you sit downstairs and stick the tv on, if they complain say I am watching this you’ll have to watch something later. I have 2 living rooms but they often both get monopolised by husband or kids so I sit in my bedroom cross stitching and watching something on the tablet. People do come in and out, I answer their query or whatever then carry on. I don’t find it that disruptive. could you wear headphones so that it’s obvious to people you don’t want to chat right now? Also definitely get a shower over the bath, I know you’re saying it’s not the main problem but it will certainly help with people traipsing through constantly. And if one of my kids was in the en suite and I wanted to get changed I just would. If they don’t like seeing me naked they can use the other bathroom 🤷🏼‍♀️

Sounds a bit odd but could you stretch to a caravan and put it somewhere locally?
I love our caravan, it’s on a local campsite so only 45 minutes away from home but really feels like a little holiday, it’s close enough that it can be visited for one night, or a day.
watching what you want to watch on tv, having your own space where it’s quiet is bliss. Lovely walks off of the campsite to rest and recharge, I get where you’re coming from totally. Before we converted our loft I was losing the plot!

That’s family life. Mine have left home now and sometimes I wish they were back as little children again. Just try make your own space when u can, even if it means going out for a drive

What if the OP wants to take herself away to her bedroom and binge-watch something on Netflix or similar??

Agree, address the shower issue first.

Also I think you are being a bit over-earnest with the "I can't bar DH from his own bedroom, can I" notion.

a) it's his sleeping room at night but he doesn't have to have 24/7 access to it, any more than people who share bathrooms and home office, or cars, or other things, have to make them available to other family members when they are in use. Get a simple hook/eye for the door so you can close yourself in when you want to relax. It won't kill him to have to knock on the door.
b) ask him to remove a lot of his messy stuff from the bedroom up to the loft; if he balks remind him that you don't have a private area like he does

Could the teens share a bedroom so the third could be turned into a reading room/craft room/other purpose room where people could shut themselves away?

I’d go both. start with the shower..I replaced my bath with a roomy shower, so we now have 2 showers. That solves the teens holding you back from changing , though if they took long showers, I’d be telling them to get a shift on. It’s not necessary or even healthy to spend ages under hot running water.

A summer house type woman cave in the garden. My grandad had a garden shed for a man cave. And they had a 3 bedroomed house for 2 of them.

Your teens will be up and away before you know it, then you will have a choice of two bedrooms. Or why isn’t the lounge somewhere to be if they have a room each and hubby has the loft or uses the bedroom to lie and watch tv. You can then lie on the couch in the lounge

I would divide your living room into two rooms, as it would have been originally, and you would be able to have a bit of space for yourself.

The shower boundaries would be" you can use our shower when I'm not in my bedroom" then put a bolt on the back of the bedroom door. I'm sure the teenagers wouldn't like it if you wandered through their room! As for husband, I'd say that I shouldn't have to sit in the loo or my car to be able to get an hour to myself

I split up from my husband and moved out of the family home, I have 3 children and could only afford a 3 bedroom house so I don’t have a bedroom, I have a sofa bed in the front room. I have recently bought a summerhouse and had electricity put to it. I’ve decorated it entirely to my taste and i absolutely love it, it’s my own little space. Could you do something like that?

This, and remove the television from the bedroom.