Aibu about Teens new year party disaster

It's more your fault than his. I very much doubt he 'allowed' the party goers to trash the house! He was not old enough to realise what would happen at an supervised party of 16 year olds, you should have been!

I wouldn’t care as much about the “stuff” but dyeing the dog would bring hell down on those reprobates.

They dyed the dog really ? I thought that shit only happened in films!!
Also kids will be kids, I used to always have my mates round at that age when my mum was out on the weekend ! Tbf though we never trashed the house as we knew we wouldn't have a free house every weekend if we did !!

I'd say this is totally on you, you misjudged leaving him alone and having a party. Had you left specific instructions that any bother they phone you/next door/the police? If so, he was out of order.

Or do you think it was him that actually did most of the damage?

No parties again, what's the use of punishing him further?

Is he okay? I would want to check in with him.

It's fairly horrible when things go badly wrong and you know you're meant to do something but no-one will listen to you.

He might be angry or pissed off with the people that did this to his home.

We had a teen party at our house and I mostly stayed out of the way, but there were times when I had to go and intervene (after discussion with my teen) because no one was listening to them and one particular individual was causing damage to my home. They were given the option to pack it in or go home. They were usually a hard working sensible human but just went a bit stupid after alcohol.

16 year olds need adult back up.

I initially voted YANBU because I assumed that you did not know your son was going to throw a NYE party and he had done so without your knowledge or permission. Now I know you allowed this to go ahead while you were away I have changed my vote as you were incredibly unreasonable to allow a 16 year old to manage a party without any adult supervision.

I'm glad you have reduced the amount he will have to pay for damages, but why don't you claim on your contents insurance?

I can't understand why you did it. You allowed him to have the party, I don't think you can expect a 16 year old to control a crowd of other teenagers. I think he should help to clear up, I think he should help to pay for it but I don't think it is all on him. You made a decision and I think you need to take responsibility for that and I'm glad you have moderated your punishments.

This is a difficult age, on the one hand you are giving him a level of trust to recognise he is responsible like an adult. On the other hand you are treating him like a young child, taking his "toys" away and grounding him.

I hope the other parents are supportive.

Or maybe Op's son will realise that it was his responsibility to ensure that the party didn't get out of hand (whether or not it should have been is another matter) and it went wrong and he needs to own that.

Op I think that your response has been appropriate. I wouldn't ask your son about what's happened any more - it's not going to help the situation.

Very stupid and irresponsible to let a 16yr old have a party at home with no adult, so you are to blame.

And good luck getting a 16yr a job! 😂

Can we see the picture of the dog?

Of course he’s not telling you what happened.

You’ve already gone nuclear and punished him because you realise you shouldn’t have allowed this in the first place and are angry that you did, so it makes you feel better to react like this.

So why on Earth would he open up to you? You’ve proven you’re not approachable when shit hits the fan, so he’s pulled away from you, and this is going to negatively affect not only your relationship with him but how he reacts in future.

This is on you, how did you expect your son to deal with gatecrashers or poor behaviour? You are lucky the damage was only to property, not people.

Take his phone away and only return it once he’s dyed his own hair yellow and pink.

Poor dog. Hope its skin wasn’t irritated. Quite disturbing that a bunch of teens would have found this funny.

Allowing a child of that age to have a party in the house while you are away is very unwise indeed and frankly rather naive. These sort of parties get gate-crashed and a child is not able to deal with that. I was in a similar situation with my brother many years ago and we were powerless to stop the drunken gatecrashers. We were just chidlren ourselves.

I think you must carry some of the blame. Clearly your son needs to take some responsibility for what happened, but I have no doubt he was impotent in this situation.

I remember similar happening at neighbours. They left their teen for newyears to have a small gathering and loads univitd people turned up. She came running to our house for my parents and my mum and dad went and cleared all the kids out. Police turned up as another neighbour had complained about the noise.

Nope, this is your fault. You left a 16 yr old to have a party unsupervised. What if someone had drank too much or overdosed.

I would like to know how they dyed the dog...

I think YABU

Your son probably had no control over his "friends" behaviour.

I wouldn't ground him or make him pay. This is on you OP

Your update sounds sensible op. Hope everyone is OK. This thread makes me think of this film, can't get it out my head now!

£800 is still a lot to expect a child to pay.

He is not mature enough to have been put in that situation. You can't expect him to be able to handle other teens who are drunk and hell bent on getting up to mischief.

He has learnt his lesson and you've learnt yours. I wouldn't be too harsh.

I do apologise @WearyAuldWumman !

I got confused over the post you were replying to.

I think every person who attended should have a home visit with their parents present and shown what went on and all the damage that occurred especially dying the dog. Just because they didn't actually do the damage doesn't mean they didn't stand by and watch it happen or egg it on. Those parents need to know what happened in your house so they don't make the mistake of ever having an unsupervised party at theirs.

Yes. I was agreeing with earlier posts which stated that you need to have an adult there.

Exactly. This is the sort of parent to be. Not the one, who tells their child they can have a NYE party whilst they go away and return fuming with them because it went wrong. My dd is also 16. She won’t even have a party at our house (whilst we are there) she said kids ruin things.

When I was 14 and my brother 16, my parents went abroad and left us. My brother, the irresponsible one, had a party and it got out of control. A boy locked me in a room with him and I had to talk my way out… that was scary. There was not too much damage albeit my bedroom got the worst of it. Luckily a neighbour stepped in and threw everyone out. Neither of us had the skills to sort out the situation.

YABVU to expect your ds to pay when this is on you. Expect him to rectify what he is able to do is one thing. Anything else is punitive.

I think you need to accept some responsibility in this.