Aibu about Teens new year party disaster

Girls wouldn't have been any better IME. It's just teens.

Gosh some of the responses are a bit judgemental! Everyone wants to trust their kids. You have sadly learned the hard way that sometimes boys really will be boys and maybe peer pressure played a part. Is the poor dog ok. How on earth did they dye it pink. I think we have all done stupid things as teens. I'd be writing the money off but no more parties - ever!

YABU because it is your fault, so you should pay the costs for your mistake. If you had just left him in the house and he had a secret party then I would have said YANBU but you gave permission to a 16yo to have a NYE house party with no adult supervision so you are overall responsible for such a silly decision.

They dyed the dog 😆😆😆

This is super unfortunate OP. My dd had a party for her 16th where we went and left her to it but said we would be back at 10pm to check in then would leave them again afterwards until we checked again at midnight.

all of the kids were so well behaved and they were dancing listening to music and just having fun. No damage no real mess. I ordered them pizzas etc.

my dd said afterwards that it’s quite stressful hosting a party and making sure everyone didn’t make a mess etc that she said she wasn’t keen to host again! - not sure if that was actually a good or bad thing!

she is 19 now and has since had more parties and even when drinking we’ve never had any damage (apart from a few broken glasses)!

I don’t think you were crazy to let them have a party and I’m sure your child is deeply remorseful and gutted about his friends letting him and you down.

try not to be too hard on him but a big conversation about responsibility needs to happen.

I voted that you are not unreasonable in your response.
BUT you were definitely unreasonable allowing your son to have a party unsupervised.

Dd has just turned 17 and wanted to go to a friend's for NYE. I had never heard of this friend and she lived miles away so she didn't go but if she had I would have expected an adult to be there to make sure things didn't get out of hand. I think you are responsible for what happened.

I would love to see the reaction of the claims management when they see the filled in form:

"How did the damage occur?"

"I allowed my teenage son to have a party without adult supervision and it got out of hand."

"You can’t lay the blame with a 16 year old."

I'm not sure I agree with that. If 16 year olds are deemed mature enough to join the army and fight for their country, I fail to see why they are not mature enough to take responsibility for their actions and learn that actions => consequences.

Absolutely NOT reasonable. At 16, his friends would have brought alcohol and drugs. He wouldn't have had the maturity/ strength to stop them.

It's not about not trusting him, just the reality of 16 year olds. It's totally your fault, so you should foot the bill.

You should also apologise to him for putting him in that position

You are NOT being unreasonable in expecting him to pay for the damage, but I have to agree with the others who said that he should never have been allowed to have an unsupervised party.

Having been to many a free house when I was young I would never have used my house 😳😳 my mother would have killed me 😂😂 I think your son's getting off lightly. I would have had to dig my own grave 🤢😂

£70K ?!

Fucking hell. Now that's a nightmare!

Yep.

Your decision making was at fault. No way should this have been allowed. It's on you as the parent! Very unfair to assume he could handle a situation of lots of other drunk teenagers on NYE!

Wow, this is purely on you. How on earth did you expect him at 16 to manage a party with booze and no supervision and now you are punishing him over something the poor kid could not take control of. The fact he is afraid to tell you what happened speaks volumes. I feel awfully sorry for him.

This is exactly what I think. As soon as you said he wasn't telling you what happened it concerned me that there is more that he wants to tell you but can't. For the reasons @MinnieBalloon has outlined.

Sadly, this is on you. Whoever thinks, even if their child is perfect, that allowing a house party for teens, is a good idea?
I doubt he had much say in the behaviour of others, particularly if it was gatecrashed.
Let him comtribute, but not the whole amount. Surely you have insurance?

I am glad you sorted it out with him OP. Really, if you didn't anticipate trouble at the party- how could you expect him to?

You are still the parent here. You have more experience than he does and more authority over his peers than he would.

Supervision was required and you weren't there.

(If it worked out for him in the past - he was lucky. No doubt you will both be much more careful in the future!)

I have read all your replies.

YOU allowed him to have ( another ) party

YOU left the dog at home with him !!!

what has the dog been dyed with ?!!!
has the dog needed veterinary treatment as a result ?

This happened to a neighbour who was on holiday while her teenage DD stayed with her GPs. She lied about staying with a friend overnight and instead held a party at her fancy house. There was over £70k worth of damage and she could not claim a penny on insurance because it was deliberate damage done by people invited into the house. I think you have actually got away quite lightly OP.

Yeah that's why no matter how much you trust your teen or think they are mature, having a large group of teens who are drinking and peer pressure etc is never a good mix, her son could have tried to control things but was unable to if they weren't listening or if he was also drunk.

I'd be interested to know whether the party details did get leaked and people turned up who weren't invited.

If so I'd want to know how.

or whether it was the sons close friends taking the piss. Which would anger me more.

Not sure the op will be back to answer?

Bigger boys came

@CombatBarbie

Ah ok sorry.

No. You trusted him and he is mature (for his age, presumably) but he could not have been expected to control his friends. I don’t think you should punish him, unless I missed an update in which he admitted to being the instigator of the crimes against your house and dog.

You should either not have allowed a party in the first place or appointed an adult friend or neighbour to check up regularly on what was going on.