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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was teacher wrong to say this?

194 replies

Whyamisopathetic · 08/01/2025 23:35

Sitting in the staff room today, when one of the teachers came in. I had just opened a Christmas cake and pointed it out to her,
offering her some. Her response was “Urgh no thank you it’s disgusting. Anyway, everyone knows that only old people eat Christmas cake”

I’m the third eldest, out of a staff of thirty. I worked in her class last year, and she was always making digs at my age. She once told the children I’d reached the end of my lifecycle and made reference to me being around when dinosaurs roamed the earth. She’s also made fun of me being small and laughed when she found out the 4x4 was mine. I don’t know why she does this. AIBU to feel upset and embarrassed.

OP posts:
Penguinmouse · 10/01/2025 19:37

Do you work with her? (Just asking as you’ve said teacher so not clear if you’re a parent) If you are a colleague though, I would raise a grievance. She’s nasty.

wellington77 · 10/01/2025 19:35

Whyamisopathetic · 08/01/2025 23:35

Sitting in the staff room today, when one of the teachers came in. I had just opened a Christmas cake and pointed it out to her,
offering her some. Her response was “Urgh no thank you it’s disgusting. Anyway, everyone knows that only old people eat Christmas cake”

I’m the third eldest, out of a staff of thirty. I worked in her class last year, and she was always making digs at my age. She once told the children I’d reached the end of my lifecycle and made reference to me being around when dinosaurs roamed the earth. She’s also made fun of me being small and laughed when she found out the 4x4 was mine. I don’t know why she does this. AIBU to feel upset and embarrassed.

I’m a teacher and I would not like those comments especially infront of the kids. Either tell her directly she needs to stop or get HR to have a word or it will keep happening

pimplebum · 10/01/2025 19:34

I think you should address it with her first before reporting her

agism like sexism racism has no place in the classroom or staff room

DisappearingGirl · 10/01/2025 19:29

I imagine other people hearing her comments think she is being a dick, even if they don't say anything.

Sharptonguedwoman · 10/01/2025 19:23

Absolutely unacceptable behaviour, call her out. It’s terribly rude.

ClassicalQueen · 10/01/2025 19:19

She's being incredibly ageist. Make a note of all instances and report to HR/SLT. Encouraging ageism to children will be particularly frowned upon.

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 10/01/2025 01:35

I'd avoid all interactions with her as far as possible. Is she in your department?

You can also make a Dignity at Work complaint about her behaviour. Nobody should have to tolerate that at work (or anywhere!)

She is actually incredibly stupid. Speak to your HoD and expect support.

I'm 61 and I have no doubt some people think this but nobody has ever said anything to my face, and I would tear them a new one if they did.

Nobody becomes less valuable or less relevant because they are older, and that silly cow will be older too one day!

ilovesooty · 10/01/2025 01:29

Whyamisopathetic · 09/01/2025 23:49

I haven’t no because they think she’s wonderful! She only says stuff like this when there’s an audience.

Show quote history

If there's an audience that means plenty of people have heard her. Raise it with management.

MyDeepZebra · 10/01/2025 00:24

Don't offer her anything again,

Be very cooly professional. Grey rock her, only talk to her when absolutely necessary.

Don't consent to her making you feel inferior.

She'll get the message. She's a nasty little bully who loves to get a reaction from you. Don't give her one. She's beneath you.

FrazzledMCPremenopausalWoman · 10/01/2025 00:18

Stern mum/teacher voice: "leave your manners on the bus this morning did we, Sarah? 'No thank you' would've been enough..." Shut her down!

LivelyMintViper · 10/01/2025 00:08

Speak to the other staff that she is treating so rudely and write a letter from all of you to HR

Original poster
Whyamisopathetic · 10/01/2025 00:03

ilovesooty · 09/01/2025 00:04

Why on earth haven't you reported this behaviour? The stuff about Christmas cake on its own is one thing but the comments to the children are clearly unacceptable. Surely you know this?

I do have form for putting up with really crap behaviour sadly.

OP posts:
arcticpandas · 10/01/2025 00:00

Whyamisopathetic · 09/01/2025 23:49

I haven’t no because they think she’s wonderful! She only says stuff like this when there’s an audience.

Show quote history

She's bullying you. Do not accept it. Talk with the other women your age to see if she's done it to them as well. If yes, you can file a complaint together. Just change your age to you being Asian and her saying "well only your people eat rice" etc. Not funny.

Silvertulips · 09/01/2025 23:58

Firstly I don’t think her being a teacher is relevant.

Next - What you want to do is repeat back what she says - so she can hear what you heard - Only old people eat Christmas cake?
She won’t be expecting to defend herself - she will be expecting an argument - and it throws them off - she now has to explain her comment and keep silent until she does.

Original poster
Whyamisopathetic · 09/01/2025 23:54

TwattyMcFuckFace · 08/01/2025 23:36

Bit of an odd question if I'm honest.

Why wouldn't you be unreasonable if everything you've said is true?

Because I can’t work out if she is actually trying to g to be funny or nasty. However I was told by another older member of staff today that she never acknowledges her. She also referred to another when she’d forgotten her name, as ‘the old woman’

OP posts:
Original poster
Whyamisopathetic · 09/01/2025 23:49

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 09/01/2025 00:00

Have you considered reporting her to SLT? She sounds like a bully

I haven’t no because they think she’s wonderful! She only says stuff like this when there’s an audience.

OP posts:
comedycentral · 09/01/2025 07:36

Write down everything she has said before; handy if you have dates and times, but include it if not. Then go and see your line manager; she shouldn't be able to do this to you, especially in front of the children.

Justsayit123 · 09/01/2025 07:24

She’s being a nasty bitch!

renomeno · 09/01/2025 07:23

She's rude, nasty and unprofessional! I was shocked by a young woman's behaviour in the supermarket yesterday when she was loudly complaining about the age of the women on the tills and claiming that it's why the queues were so long - this is a new supermarket with 20+ self serve tills and 3 staffed tills! The women on the tills were probably in their 50s, luckily the manager was having none of it!

BusyMum47 · 09/01/2025 06:59

ilovesooty · 09/01/2025 00:04

Why on earth haven't you reported this behaviour? The stuff about Christmas cake on its own is one thing but the comments to the children are clearly unacceptable. Surely you know this?

This! ⬆️ You need to log everything & report her - what a bitch!

NattyTurtle59 · 09/01/2025 00:57

She sounds like a rude, obnoxious, idiot. I would simply keep well out of her way and not engage with her, (nor would I be offering her anything I brought in to eat again). However, I certainly wouldn't be feeling embarrassed - in fact I would feel superior, she's acting like a teenager!

pickywatermelon · 09/01/2025 00:45

Agree with PP - sit down with leadership and give this example and others

Dire behaviour on her side - can’t stand the pathetic “it’s just a joke” childish excuse for bullying some adults use

Do you feel able to say something directly?

Any bystanders hearing these comments who would be supportive?

Lemonfrenchfancy · 09/01/2025 00:41

Rude, unprofessional behaviour. Making jokes like this constitutes bullying. Report her shitty behaviour, even better if you have colleagues who have witnessed this and willing to back you up.

Birdscratch · 09/01/2025 00:37

She sounds very immature. The next time she starts off, laugh at her. Tell her she sounds like she should be in yr?, not teaching it.

Nextyearhopes · 09/01/2025 00:27

I would have said ‘a simple ‘no thank you’ would be enough’

I can’t bear rudeness

FWIW I am young and love Christmas cake. Have since I was about 4