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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was teacher wrong to say this?

194 replies

Whyamisopathetic · 08/01/2025 23:35

Sitting in the staff room today, when one of the teachers came in. I had just opened a Christmas cake and pointed it out to her,
offering her some. Her response was “Urgh no thank you it’s disgusting. Anyway, everyone knows that only old people eat Christmas cake”

I’m the third eldest, out of a staff of thirty. I worked in her class last year, and she was always making digs at my age. She once told the children I’d reached the end of my lifecycle and made reference to me being around when dinosaurs roamed the earth. She’s also made fun of me being small and laughed when she found out the 4x4 was mine. I don’t know why she does this. AIBU to feel upset and embarrassed.

OP posts:
DaisyCottonClock · 10/01/2025 20:46

Whyamisopathetic · 10/01/2025 20:27

@Hankunamatata

When she told the class I was at the end of my life cycle and kept busting into fits of laughter when I wore my glasses, I did tell her she’d upset me and made me self conscious and she stopped. However shd had now started bringing up my glasses in front of new staff and repeating his hilarious it was.

Show quote history

I would go with a response of
"Was that a joke? I didn't understand it? Could you explain why it was funny please?"

Said in a completely serious way, with curiosity and maintaining eye contact. And keep on asking just why it was funny when she tries to gaslight you in reply

JohnTheRevelator · 10/01/2025 20:44

Only old people eat Christmas cake? What a ridiculous comment. And YANBU,she sounds extremely rude!

Elasticatedtrousers · 10/01/2025 20:42

This is bullying. In my school it would be taken very seriously indeed.

Report to SLT and/or HR.

This is not just rude it is utterly unacceptable.

Wendolino · 10/01/2025 20:42

She's a nasty piece of work. She's a bully and you should report her.

TeabySea · 10/01/2025 20:41

However shd had now started bringing up my glasses in front of new staff and repeating his hilarious it was.

Ask her why wearing glasses is funny. She wouldn't mock someone who needed a stick to walk with so why pick on someone who needs assistance to see? Ask how this aligns with the school's values and ethos.

She sounds like a pain in the arse.

FaithFables · 10/01/2025 20:40

Whyamisopathetic · 10/01/2025 20:27

@Hankunamatata

When she told the class I was at the end of my life cycle and kept busting into fits of laughter when I wore my glasses, I did tell her she’d upset me and made me self conscious and she stopped. However shd had now started bringing up my glasses in front of new staff and repeating his hilarious it was.

Show quote history

She sounds like she's threatened by you. She must be incredibly insecure and shallow, how sad for her.

FaithFables · 10/01/2025 20:38

Whyamisopathetic · 08/01/2025 23:48

Because she finds it all so funny. She even said she’d told her husband snd they’d laughed about it together. I can’t work out if she’s just trying to make a joke or is actually being g nasty.

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It's very weird that thinks a person being small and older than her is funny. Confused Is she not all there?

Cakeandcardio · 10/01/2025 20:38

She seems very nasty. One of those people who put you down under the guise of 'joking'.

And Christmas cake is lovely!

coxesorangepippin · 10/01/2025 20:32

Either fight fire with fire and start taking the piss out of her, at every opportunity

Or

Tell HR

coxesorangepippin · 10/01/2025 20:31

Do not comment on people's food

Ever

Calmhappyandhealthy · 10/01/2025 20:30

Make a complaint about her. She is very rude and a bully

If you don't want to do that, then repeat everything back to her as a question...

  • you really think only old people eat Christmas cake?
  • you really think I was alive when dinosaurs were on earth?
  • you really think I'm very old?
  • you really think .....etc

You could even add, at the end of each question "remind me where you got your MA/PhD"

Obviously always smiling and happy when you're questioning her, with a kind voices that no offence can possibly be intended

Original poster
Whyamisopathetic · 10/01/2025 20:27

Hankunamatata · 10/01/2025 20:04

Have you actually ever said to her to stop with the comments?

@Hankunamatata

When she told the class I was at the end of my life cycle and kept busting into fits of laughter when I wore my glasses, I did tell her she’d upset me and made me self conscious and she stopped. However shd had now started bringing up my glasses in front of new staff and repeating his hilarious it was.

OP posts:
WimpoleHat · 10/01/2025 20:24

The cake thing in isolation just makes her sound a bit ill educated and would merit a comment along the lines of “words have meanings, Susan. It isn’t disgusting, it’s just not to your taste”. But the classroom “dinosaurs” thing isn’t nice at all. It would be one thing if she’d said it to apply to both of you (ie to distinguish you from the kids), but - as you’ve described it - it does sound unkind and on the verge of bullying.

TimetoPour · 10/01/2025 20:21

How rude. Next time it happens, I would be inclined to say what you have said here. “I can’t decide if you are trying to be funny or offensive.” “Continuously “making jokes” and pointing out someone’s differences is unkind and bullying in the work place and I would like it to stop”

tootiredtoocare · 10/01/2025 20:19

Extremely rude. But, also, definitely not appropriate for the workplace. You'd be right to report this. She's being discriminatory and hateful.

ConsuelaHammock · 10/01/2025 20:12

Next time ask her if she has to try really hard to be an absolute bitch or if it just comes naturally!
I would also speak to the headteacher about what has been said in the past and I would record any future disparaging remarks. She sounds intolerable, but you don’t have to suffer in silence. Be proactive! Get the bitch in trouble !

MrBiscuits24 · 10/01/2025 20:10

I’d definitely put in a complaint. These comments aren’t ok.

Lady1576 · 10/01/2025 20:08

Wow she is truly horrible. I can‘t believe someone thinks this is actually ok to say to you or in front of children.

IdgieThreadgoodeIsMyHeroine · 10/01/2025 20:05

I'm so sorry she's been so unpleasant to you. I really would consider reporting her to your line manager or someone on SLT- she seems to be targeting you. Think what a terrible example she is setting for the kids.

For what it's worth, I would love to have you as my TA- I am also small and love Christmas cake! And I'm only in my thirties!

Hankunamatata · 10/01/2025 20:04

Have you actually ever said to her to stop with the comments?

Hankunamatata · 10/01/2025 20:03

You need to say to her every time she does something like this

Oh snarky teacher not another joke about my age.

Butteredtoast55 · 10/01/2025 19:52

Genuinely, speaking as a headteacher, go and report this. It's ageist, rude and a way of putting you down, which is behaviour that some teachers feel they have the right to inflict on support staff. It's unacceptable conduct and needs calling out

Lottie6712 · 10/01/2025 19:50

She sounds like a bully. I was bullied by another teacher when I was teaching and she only stopped when I arranged a formal meeting with her, listed the things she'd said / done any why I found them offensive and asked her to stop. She was nice as pie to me after that..... To my face at least :) Before that, I'd gone to the deputy head to complain and ask for help in tackling. Side note - I love Christmas cake and it was so nice of you to offer.

emmax1980 · 10/01/2025 19:44

I wouldn't tell her her comments are hurtful

TunnocksOrDeath · 10/01/2025 19:43

Our 5 year old LOVES Christmas cake.
Your colleague sounds like a twit. Write down every comment with a date & time, and take it to their boss at some point. One or two comments could be written off as careless phrasing, but this all sounds more like undermining workplace bullying, frankly.