Page 5 | Was teacher wrong to say this?

Whyamisopathetic · 2025-01-08T23:35:15+00:00

Sitting in the staff room today, when one of the teachers came in. I had just opened a Christmas cake and pointed it out to her, offering her some. Her response was “Urgh no thank you it’s disgusting. Anyway, everyone knows that only old people eat Christmas cake” I’m the third eldest, out of a staff of thirty. I worked in her class last year, and she was always making digs at my age. She once told the children I’d reached the end of my lifecycle and made reference to me being around when dinosaurs roamed the earth. She’s also made fun of me being small and laughed when she found out the 4x4 was mine. I don’t know why she does this. AIBU to feel upset and embarrassed.

Penguinmouse · 11/01/2025 10:18

Her comments around children are inappropriate too.

ilovesooty · 10/01/2025 22:47

Whyamisopathetic · 10/01/2025 22:41

Of course I can identify bullying aimed at the children. If I am told of just one unkind word or action from one child to another I make absolutely certain this is spoken about and dealt with.

It very hard to fathom her out, which is why I posted this. She’s good friends with a few teachers and the head absolutely loves her. I keep wondering does she even know she’s being horrible, but she must. However she says it all in such fun that it’s hard to grasp the intent.

Show quote history

The intent is not the point.

Twoboysandabengal · 10/01/2025 22:46

Silvertulips · 09/01/2025 23:58

Firstly I don’t think her being a teacher is relevant.

Next - What you want to do is repeat back what she says - so she can hear what you heard - Only old people eat Christmas cake?
She won’t be expecting to defend herself - she will be expecting an argument - and it throws them off - she now has to explain her comment and keep silent until she does.

This advice is utterly priceless!!

WigglyVonWaggly · 10/01/2025 22:45

I’d say in a smiling way as if I was baffled, “God, why are you always so rude to me?”

NeverDropYourMooncup · 10/01/2025 22:43

Elasticatedtrousers · 10/01/2025 20:42

This is bullying. In my school it would be taken very seriously indeed.

Report to SLT and/or HR.

This is not just rude it is utterly unacceptable.

In mine she'd be lucky to make it to the end of term in one piece. Apart from the official grievance route (which is absolutely appropriate for the OP to follow), it's remarkable just how much of an unpleasant teacher's day can be made deeply uncomfortable if they've pissed off the support.

Original poster

Whyamisopathetic · 10/01/2025 22:41

ilovesooty · 10/01/2025 22:12

Oh for goodness sake. Read the post from the headteacher above and do something about her behaviour. I only hope you can identify bullying if it's directed at the children.

Show quote history

Of course I can identify bullying aimed at the children. If I am told of just one unkind word or action from one child to another I make absolutely certain this is spoken about and dealt with.

It very hard to fathom her out, which is why I posted this. She’s good friends with a few teachers and the head absolutely loves her. I keep wondering does she even know she’s being horrible, but she must. However she says it all in such fun that it’s hard to grasp the intent.

OP posts:

FumingTRex · 10/01/2025 22:20

Yes complain. If not for yourself then for the kids. She is teaching them unacceptable behaviour.

ilovesooty · 10/01/2025 22:12

Whyamisopathetic · 10/01/2025 21:35

The thing is she is absolutely fine a lot of the time, so it’s really confusing snd I keep wondering if she actually realises it’s wrong.

I keep remembering other things she’s said that I’d forgotten. Another teacher asked to see a pic of my DD and said she was pretty and really looked like me. I am absolutely NOT pretty at my age obviously, but DD is. She turned to the other teacher and said she felt sorry for my DD if she looked like me. When I was in her class she was always saying I was rich and would regularly tell the kids ‘Miss X is rich’ Thiing is, I’m most definitely nowhere even close to rich but I do live in a nice area.

Oh for goodness sake. Read the post from the headteacher above and do something about her behaviour. I only hope you can identify bullying if it's directed at the children.

Brefugee · 10/01/2025 22:11

Whyamisopathetic · 08/01/2025 23:48

Because she finds it all so funny. She even said she’d told her husband snd they’d laughed about it together. I can’t work out if she’s just trying to make a joke or is actually being g nasty.

Show quote history

the only way with people like this - outside of a formal complaint to bosses - is to fight fire with fire. Think of a few retorts, and then let rip.

Bonus points for things you can say in front of the kids that seem nice but she knows it's a stab in the chest.

Ladybyrd · 10/01/2025 22:09

It sounds like a scene from Bad Teacher.

Forester1 · 10/01/2025 21:58

I think that you need to have a frank conversation about how unprofessional her behaviour is. You don’t need to say how it makes you feel because her behaviour is wrong even if you didn’t care at all. And agree that if that doesn’t stop it you need to escalate.

Original poster

Whyamisopathetic · 10/01/2025 21:48

It’s tricky because the teacher I’m with now is very good friends with her. She’s an absolutely wonderful teacher and we get on brilliantly. I’m just worried if I complain it will make things awkward with my current teacher.

OP posts:

Deeperthantheocean · 10/01/2025 21:47

Whyamisopathetic · 10/01/2025 20:27

@Hankunamatata

When she told the class I was at the end of my life cycle and kept busting into fits of laughter when I wore my glasses, I did tell her she’d upset me and made me self conscious and she stopped. However shd had now started bringing up my glasses in front of new staff and repeating his hilarious it was.

Show quote history

Time to have a proper talk to her and tell her if she doesn't stop you will go to the governors, union, SLT (hmph I know SLT). Bullies only back off when threatened with a higher consequence. You could even say your (if your have a DP/close friend) has been so upset and angry about what you've told them that they want to report it. Xx

Deeperthantheocean · 10/01/2025 21:43

Whyamisopathetic · 09/01/2025 23:49

I haven’t no because they think she’s wonderful! She only says stuff like this when there’s an audience.

Show quote history

I'm sure they don't think she's as wonderful as you think as word will have got back from her audience. They are most expecting a complaint from you and rightly so. Xx

Deeperthantheocean · 10/01/2025 21:41

Sooooooo out of order and rude and from what you've said about her other comments, plain nasty and bullying. Make a note of it all, take it up to another level, not acceptable at all. Vile behaviour, what's her problem??? Sorry you have such a horrible person amongst your colleagues. Xxx

user2848502016 · 10/01/2025 21:36

She sounds like a horrible bully OP. Start writing down all these things and make a complaint

Original poster

Whyamisopathetic · 10/01/2025 21:35

The thing is she is absolutely fine a lot of the time, so it’s really confusing snd I keep wondering if she actually realises it’s wrong.

I keep remembering other things she’s said that I’d forgotten. Another teacher asked to see a pic of my DD and said she was pretty and really looked like me. I am absolutely NOT pretty at my age obviously, but DD is. She turned to the other teacher and said she felt sorry for my DD if she looked like me. When I was in her class she was always saying I was rich and would regularly tell the kids ‘Miss X is rich’ Thiing is, I’m most definitely nowhere even close to rich but I do live in a nice area.

OP posts:

AmusedGoose · 10/01/2025 21:35

I'm 60 and 5 foot tall. I get constant ageist and height related comments. I try to take it all in good humour but I get annoyed when I think if I was getting racist or sexist comments I wouldn't be expected to shake comments off.

Elasticatedtrousers · 10/01/2025 21:33

Don't respond. Don't play stupid games.

Report this. Age is a protected characteristic.

Poppinjay · 10/01/2025 21:30

I am a head. You need to raise a grievance for bullying.

Contact your HR department on Monday and start the process.

MsTeatime · 10/01/2025 21:25

Nanny0gg · 09/01/2025 00:14

Why haven't you brought this up with your line manager/SLT/The HT?

It's unprofessional and she's bullying you

As a one off it's rude. But as a pattern of comments it's ageism. Age is a protected characteristic and if you wrote down the other instances of her making ageist remarks and made a complaint the SLT would have to address this.

EvelynBeatrice · 10/01/2025 21:22

This is ageist and bullying and would not be tolerated in any decent workplace. Schools are somewhat of a law unto themselves.

Abi86 · 10/01/2025 21:09

"Fuck off, Darlene. Don’t be a dick"

Hankunamatata · 10/01/2025 20:55

Whyamisopathetic · 10/01/2025 20:27

@Hankunamatata

When she told the class I was at the end of my life cycle and kept busting into fits of laughter when I wore my glasses, I did tell her she’d upset me and made me self conscious and she stopped. However shd had now started bringing up my glasses in front of new staff and repeating his hilarious it was.

Show quote history

She's an ass

MindTheAbyss · 10/01/2025 20:47

Age is a protected characteristic by law, like race, religion, sexual orientation… It’s not ok to be exposing you or the children to this kind of discrimination, OP. Heaven knows why she thinks it’s appropriate to behave like this in the workplace.