Toddlers snatching at playgroup

I got my first playground mum attack against me and my 4yo son.

I'd cared for the daughter and the mum for 2 years before the school started. I took them to urgent care at hospital when her daughter had a head cut at playground, we went to a softplay together, we had arranged to meet at a local park.

Mum is from Ukrain, living close and can't speak English, so I helped her when she looked for job etc. We shared kids snacks and drinks. I would take food for both my son and her daughter.

One day she was annoyed by other mum and she said the mum doesn't like me and my son. She said the mum is crazy etc.

Now her daughter and my son go to the same class and she stopped talkng to me. I say hi, but I felt something was off. She would go with the other mums including the mum she was annoyed with. They'd speak the same language. I thought she was comfortable in the clan.

Recently my son went to the mum like before and asked to share the daughter's snack and the mum told him to back off. It was strange.

3weeks aho my son and her daughter had a bit of fight over a seesaw. The daughter cried, and my son screamed and looked upset. I told my son to apologize to her and they chased each other again. Her mum did not speak when I approached to the clan to talk about weather.

2weeks ago in playground she asked my name(she can't have forgotten) and raised a voice and told me to control my son in front of her clan. I saw both kids looked upset, my son snatched her toy and pulled her jacket hood. I immediately talked to my son not to do it and told him to apologize. I could see my son being very upset. He cannot speak well when he is upset. The mum demonstrated my son pulling her daughter's hood using my hood. I kept telling her they were just playing and my son overstepped and did wrong things. She shouted at me and left with her daughter.

My son was crying hard sensing the tension.
The other mum who was supposed to hate us came to say 'your son can play with mine'

I messaged her to say I spoke to my son and I'd believe they are friends and we were friends.

The mum sent very hostile message , claimed he mistreats her daughter.

We spoke to school and they said kids are always playing together ad best friends, never see my son being unkind. Theclass teacher said they were playing as usual today.

I am so confused with her outburst, and shocked especially after all the history.

I would not raise a voice at the playground, and I would not make a scene in front of children. I would ask both kids why the fight started. If more serious, I would let the mum know if any other kids keep snatching things of my son.

I am starting to blame on our differences.

What is your view?

That’s wonderful- but I’m curious about what the OP thinks the woman’s reaction should be?

Adults are no more superior beings than children- yet the OP is behaving as if her daughter is.

If a baby tried to take a ball from me at a child’s playgroup I would give them it because the toys are for the children to play with, not adults and I’m not an arsehole.

Also why ‘especially adults’, adults aren’t some superior beings just because they have survived longer.

Another mum told me that she had tried to take a ball off a boy prob 18months also and his mum snatched it back off her

If she tried to take it, then presumably she didn't actually get it because then the other mum would have said she had taken the ball.
So the image of the other mum snatching is almost certainly false. What probably happened was that she stopped her from taking it from her son, which I'm sure you would say was the right thing to do, because she has to learn not to take it - as you began your OP with.
And no, she shouldn't have been allowed to take the ball off a mum who was holding it, or anyone else.

How do you think the mother should have reacted when your DD tried to snatch a ball from her?

And more importantly, are you going to invest some time into teaching little one not to snatch -especially from adults?

You are overthinking.
Playgroup and 2 year olds are wild. All the parents (if you are lucky) are focusing on their kids and either

1. encouraging them to play alongside others
2. stage managing 2 year old behaviour "it's nice to share/don't snatch hit scratch
3. defending their child against others. Everyone is just trying to get through it

When a child takes something from mine I just let them wouldn't dream of snatching back off a 2 year old I get she probably felt like she was standing up for her smaller son but I think she was inappropriate.

what are you teaching your child by letting another child take something from them? This contradicts with what you do when your child snatches something from another child.
I would tell the other child “sorry, Jackie is playing with that ball, you need to wait”. Stand up for your children.

You don't know she snatched it though? She could have simply taken it back and said "no thank you, it's x's turn" - that's not passive aggressive nor is it snatching. It's her job to teach her child not to let children take things from him and to stand up for himself, as much as it's your job to teach your child not to snatch. No one is in the wrong, your daughter is just a baby still. Playgroups can be really overwhelming I think, I used to overthink things and be really anxious and I'm getting a little bit of that from you here. It's hard enough with one, let alone two so firstly well done for taking them out and about - I know that's not always the easiest thing to do! And secondly, don't sweat the small stuff. You're doing great ❤️

You didnt see it happen though!
what if your daughter tried to snatch it off her but she is just keeping it to her son in case she needs it to distract him if his one gets taken away???
Honestly, The other mum just teached your daughter a lesson by showing her that she cant have it all. I actually dont see anything wrong with it as long as your daughter has plenty already. If I was you, i would of taken the opportunity to emphasized that to my daughter, that she dont need more, she has plenty already… dont make your child so entitled.

I don't snatch back either, but I will speak to the snatcher and tell them they need to give it back. They mostly do. Or you can gently remove. I am not going to snatch or fight with a toddler, but I am teaching that snatching does not win, not so much to others, that us for their parent. However, I want my children to k ow that if they snatch, they have to give it back and I will expe the same of others around them.

Complaining about a 1 year old! Because that is so sane and normal for a grown adult to do.

The mother probably wrongly assumed that the other mothers were all reasonable intelligent enough to know how babies are supposed to act. It is a little thing called evolution that human babies all seem to follow.

You can't really claim the moral high ground when you go around calling other posters "Karen" 🙄

So you think your kids should be given whatever they want until you are around to teach them that they can't have everything?

It must be very hard having twins but you are being massively unreasonable.

Ugh, playgroups and other peoples parenting can be the worst. We go to a regular few groups but decided to try a new one this week and it was mental. So busy. I’m not exaggerating one bit when I say there was a young girl I’d say around 1, pulling on any toddler she saw to stand herself up whilst her mum literally stood 1/2 a metre away and never did a thing 😂 a couple of toddlers were playing with the dolls house and the same little girl came in like a steam roller knocking everything about and basically just ruining ‘the game.’ Mum sat glassy eyed just watching her whilst not making eye contact with any adult 🤣 you have to laugh really…

You sound batshit crazy.

Hmm. Sorry OP, it must be really difficult for you managing twins. But, as far as the other parents maybe know, your DD is that unsupervised, marauding toddler ruining it for everyone else. Holding onto the ball may have been a bit petty but eqully maybe she thought her son might want it back and would struggle to get it from your DD? I’m afraid people generally look after their own at toddler groups, especially if there is a seemingly unsupervised toddler going around snatching.

It sounds like she just kept hold of the ball rather than actually snatching it off your DD. I don't think allowing her to grab it would have helped her learn. It sounds like she wanted ALL the footballs. I think kids need to learn from everyone - as you say you have 2 toddlers & can't see what they are both up to at the same time. She needs to learn not to go up to people & take stuff. I guess you will call me Karen now 😉🤷🏻‍♀️

Can I just gently point out that other people don't really care about your daughter . They are emotionally invested in their own child. Unless they are seriously abusing her ,of course. Your daughter crying because she didn't get what she wanted doesn't really hold much sway with others . And she was monopolising all the balls?

Ok the mum holding onto the balls seems a bit off as surely the toys are there for everyone, but the one telling your daughter to give a ball back to someone else (the snatcher) I don't think is so bad. Yes your daughter cried as they knew they had done wrong and they will have to get used to being told no by other adults (do they go nursery yet?). Maybe this mum realised you were busy with your son and intervened as it wasn't fair on her child if your daughter took the ball and you didn't realise. Also maybe it wasn't so much as snatching it back but saying to her 'x is still playing with that toy thank you' and removing it from her.
I imagine it's hard watching two if they are going in different directions and fully knowing what happened if something goes on.

YABU. You need to let children of that age learn sharing as an emerging skill. Children don’t typically share until they’re around 5 or even later.