To think this is a bit mean?

Imagine having a colleague who encourages strangers on MN to slate you like this over something that’s absolutely none of your business

@PinkLadyLove actually yes, apologies, that was a different poster. However, we are still on the opposite end of this so we'll have to agree to disagree. I don't think that spending every moment you possibly could with your kids is always, necessarily the best thing for them or the parent. Have you heard the expression "you can't pour from an empty cup"?

My DS loved after school club particularly when they were doing certain activities. I wouldn't be comfortable leaving him five nights a week though

My kids would have loved after school club they begged for years to go, they are (still) very high energy.
the mum could finish work have a dog to walk, cook tea, tidy up and then devote all evening to her child for all you know.

@RhaenysRocks I said no such thing in my first or subsequent posts. I said, in my opinion, it's a shit situation for children.
People can parent however they wish, and make childcare arrangements as they see fit. However, as I've said multiple times and still stand by, children enduring super long days constantly is horrible and will always be, no matter how you may try to spin the narrative.

Think of all the kids in the world who are abandoned, neglected and abused. Although it doesn’t sound like the most ideal way to parent, this really isn’t something to be bothered about.

@PinkLadyLove you said pretty much exactly that in your first post. And yes I'll absolutely brag about being successful on future being a brilliant childminder who my kids adored and learned loads from. I let me, as a single parent work and put a roof over their head. Or I could have given up my teaching job, survived on benefits and added to the crisis in education. Is that better for my kids?

But to some children, especially only children, After School Club IS down time. They have done their lessons at school and then they get to play with their friends. For some energetic children, being able to run around and interact with friends at ASC is a much better decompressant for them than having to go home and play on their own or even play with mum. Or they may live in a flat, or a house with thin walls so can't run around and shout like they can at ASC. For some children, down time doesn't necessarily mean reading / watching TV or sitting quietly and playing Lego or whatever.

I didn't say anything of the sort. I said children are entitled to downtime.

I personally wouldn't brag about my child being dragged out of a childminders.

And of course people will defend that position, because that's their preference. I just happen to disagree and think it's mean. You will not change my opinion on the matter.

@PinkLadyLove you said a parent that was in the room was automatically better than one who isn't. I dispute that. You are making a huge assumption that this child is unhappy and not having a good time at ASC. Numerous posters have told you their kids love it..mine had to be dragged out of their childminders house at 5.45. If this was the mum posting and saying her son seems upset, overstimulated, clingy, you might have a point but we only have a second hand account from a colleague and lots of first hand accounts of kids who are perfectly fine with "long days".

In my opinion it's mean. If a child has no idea that they don't have to endure long days, then of course they will adjust and not find fault. Just because someone can, doesn't mean they should or have to.

My opinion is not absolute rubbish. Children are entitled to down time too. They can totally be in the same room and doing their own thing, I didn't say she must be an engaging and amazing parent. After a full on day, everyone deserves time to unwind, more so children who haven't actually asked to be here and it's the least a parent can do.

@Lamplighting @Tia86

Mine was the exact same! I used to be delighted to finish early and go and pick them up... and would be met with anger, tears and tantrums 😅 Eventually, I would just use that hour or so whenever it happened to go and do the shopping or whatever I needed to do!

You keep saying 'it's a lot for him' and 'it feels like a really long day for him'. But how on earth do you know how he feels about it or copes with it?

Some kids might find it hard, some might love it. It's not your kid and not your business. Focus on your own parenting, not your friend's.

Michellesbackbrace · Yesterday 19:58

Yes I agree that’s mean. But I’m a sahm and always loved being with mine - not everyone’s the same. Some kids are probably better off in after school care than being home with their parents! At least they’re playing and getting attention at after school club

Well that didn’t take long, did it?

I was a sah parent too because it suited our circumstances. I had lots of friends who were not. Never once did I judge them and find them failing, as you clearly do.

There are several circumstances I can imagine where I would much rather get everything done at home/have my child do their homework at school, prepare a nice meal for us to share then spend the time we had together at home focussed entirely on them.

Yep mine are the same! They get angry at me if I pick them up early, they love it there. The ideal time is 5.30/ 6 for them. Any earlier I’m met with fury 😂

I get that some kids would struggle with those hours but I can also imagine situations where the benefit to the mothers mental health of that time to either get house jobs done or have some respite would outweigh it. This might be the best way for this family to manage their needs.

Yes, I think your post is a bit mean. You have no idea what goes on behind this colleagues closed doors. She may be dealing with MH issues, may genuinely be struggling to balance everything and needs that time to catch up on things.

How exactly do you know that Shes going home to watch TV? Is she is a single parent?

And if she picks him up early but then has to plonk him in front of the TV while she empties the bin, sorts the washing, gets dinner on, opens the post, goes to the loo or has a quick shower post work..is that better? Dinner bath and bed is actually loads of time to interact and play and sing songs and read stories and have cuddles. Another hour on top of that isn't going to magically create a better bond. Mums are people too and going from a full day at work (again, we have no idea what this person does..it could be v interactive and responsive, not just sitting at a desk) with no break is bloody hard and not automatically in the child's best interest.

How old are your children OP? Some children really enjoy ASC and maybe the child begs to stay? I know mine wouldn't have wanted to leave her friends at that age! It's not as though they are doing schoolwork or anything, they are just playing, which they would probably do at home, so it's not really a "long" day, if that makes sense? If they are an only child, they are probably having a whale of a time with their friends and really don't want to go home where there is no-one to play with (like it would have been for mine).

Or maybe she just needs a bit of time to herself between work and the evening depending on what support she has at home. Either is totally understandable, horses for courses and all that.

I guess she's paying until 6 so why not. Maybe he loves it there and doesn't want to go. My DD used to be cross if i went to get her early and she was busy playing.
I used to get her about 5.30 when i could "easily" have got her more like 5 but i used to do stuff like empty the dishwasher, start dinner prep and have a bit of time to decompress after finishing work.
It wasn't every day though so I guess it's a bit different.
But basically YABU because it's none of your business

Gdcs love it, too. Dh once mistakenly went early to fetch Gds, who really didn’t want to leave yet - dh went back later!

It's not though. I was a nursery kid picked up at 6pm. I have absolutely no concerns about the quality of my childhood. I've always loved nursery. My younger cousins were on a similar schedule and don't have any gripes about it either. You makes assumptions based on your feelings as a parent whereas a child's experience can be very different from what you imagine it to be.

It does. And a good parent also spends time with their kids. If he's not being picked up (through choice) until 6pm then it's going to be home, tea, bath and bed. Decent parents engage with their children, so I totally agree someone who sits in a room with them but ignores them also isn't doing a good job.

Yup - I agree with these posts. You never know what is going on behind the scenes for someone so maybe don’t judge. If you are genuinely concerned about it maybe have a conversation with colleague along the lines of ‘is everything ok - do you need help etc’ if you aren’t prepared to offer help then maybe don’t judge.