To cut this "friend" off?

I think you're being a tad oversensitive. Talking about the past with old friends is normal they are the ones you can talk too about traumatic periods they know it all. I think she just picked the wrong day to talk about it tbh

That's definitely not a friend.

This person isn’t your friend, they sound like a bully. Don’t try to understand their motivation, because you’ve described (quite a lot of!) them problems - if anyone sounds like a ‘psycho’ I it isn’t you. I think quietly letting them go from your life falls under the umbrella of putting effort into yourself and your own mental health x

Firstly OP, well done on being confident enough to refuse to pay for her meal. There are far too many posts on here from people letting CFs like this abuse them in this way.

But to the point of your thread, cut her off completely. Even just for the beer on the dummy alone. She's not your friend, not even close.

You don't need someone who's stuck in the past and can't see that you've moved on.

What does RO mean in your initial post?

The strangers here on the Internet have more respect and empathy for you than this "friend". That's because normal people don't behave like her.

@JustifiedHussy I've read your posts and really admire your strength and ability to stand up for yourself and protect your baby. After everything you've experienced of course you'd have trouble determining if a situation/ comment/person's actions are off, or not. It sounds like you're doing well and a really good mum. Just keep listening to your instincts. Ditch the friend and def go low/no contact with family. They will only continue to drag you down. Since you are on ML look for mum's groups and community groups that you can take baby to to socialize and meet new people. Just surround yourself with positive and supportive people and you'll be fine. 💕

I smiled from ear to ear at the way you held your ground over her expecting you to pay for a lunch she invited you to! Brilliant! So many people would have reverted to people-pleasing behaviour and just gone along with it for a so-called friend.

As for her comments about the dummy and breast feeding - how bloody dare she!

Like other posters I agree that she is no longer a friend - if she ever was- and should be dropped. You have come a long way from a difficult start through your own efforts and do not need dead-weight people holding you back. I hope 2025 will be a great year for you!

I voted you are being unreasonable because the situation sounds a bit weird and I'm wondering if there's more going on. The friend sounds really mean and odd and out to get you. You want to go NC instead of simply realising you're not friends and declining further contact (there's a big difference).
As someone who got cut off by a friend and told it was because I was mean and odd and out to get her, I think you might be seeing your friend through a particular bias right now, which is making their flaws seem more intense. You might be totally correct! But I'd think about over the years whether you have generally trusted this person, and why this would have changed to the point where they are now dangerous to have in your life. And what do other people think about this person, who know you and your context.

Obviously I'm projecting but I did read most the thread and hadn't noticed anyone else pick up this tone from OP. I've gone NC with chronically abusive family members ...but friends/ex-friends rarely need this drastic path, imo.

She's a poisonous bully, who enjoys upsetting and belittling you. You need to drop her, as everyone else has said. How cruel of her to mention your ex (?) with a restraining order, I suspect he may have asked her to plead for him.

A friend would not have done that.

Who ended up paying?
Did she pay it all or only her own?

She's being twisty- too much like hard work

They're a negative green eyed loser that doesn't have your welfare at heart.
Well done you for coming through trauma in your past 👏

This. Please block this person from your life.

"RO"?

Thank you x - honestly I'm okay. I thought it'd break me but its been nearly 5 years since i finally cut ties when dd was almost 1, and we're okay

Families are like the lottery tbh - pure luck.

Sorry to hear about your family - i hope you have happiness away from them and don't have to engage too much xx

I’d rather be alone in a million lifetimes than give someone as senseless as that the esteemed title of “friend”.

YANBU 💐

Oh God, I got a 'you know where the door is' as well. Dd was like 5 days old! Insane behaviour. I lived with them then and they held all the cards

Something about a woman becoming a mother brings out the nastiness in people. More than anything, they revel in a new mum being vulnerable, and want to exercise their control

Some people are just nasty.

I would reframe it as what do you have that they don't. Maybe it's a baby, maybe it's a baby without the shit husband/in laws, maybe it's having got your life sorted when they'd decided that you should be written off

A lot of these issues come down to jealousy tbh. You can't change them unfortunately,

Fuck them - and you sound like you're doing really well. Given what you've had to survive growing up, you sound even more amazing ❤️

Im so glad for mumsnet sometimes - you'll be fine without this person, you'll see. And don't feel bad about going, you're still human and sometimes we just want to be able to trust people

You've got this and your baby is lucky. They have a mum who is a survivor and will put them first - you've survived things that would break other mums, and it'll come out positively in your parenting.

Me and dd are OK, she'll be 6 this year. Life isn't perfect but we're okay. She's got asd so isn't verbal but is cheeky, strong willed and obsessed with swimming. She's happy and feels safe with me. Tbh she definitely thinks she's the boss of the house 😄.

Life can be lovely when you make that choice to start over 🙂❤️❤️

Jesus that is absolutely horrendous behaviour I am so sorry you went through that. My family engaged in low level mistreatment of me my entire life so I know it can happen but that is awful behaviour.

I think your bar has probably been set too low due to past trauma etc. This is not a friend.

Remember how they have made you feel now so when they call you again you don't engage , block and delete .

It sounds like they've got a chip on their shoulder. If they're not usually like this I'd assume something's happened in their life.
The fact they paid for the meal last time, in normal circumstances would mean it was indeed your turn. But as you say, she invited you and you were skint. Plus she shouldn't pressure you about it anyway.
Maybe give her a wide berth. But it's definitely her, not you.

When I had my baby, the people left in my life started treating me like this, including my mum and siblings

Before that, I had a few situations similar to this happen where so called friends would invite me out to just insult me and put me down. I never got why they'd invite me out, I was left heartbroken and confused.

With my family, they'd do stuff like put down my parenting and make comments about my baby and try to take her and take photos of her to send to said ex friends and bullies, when I said I wanted a clean break from them.

Its been almost 5 years since I've become estranged from them all. Can't believe it's gone so fast but all I am is grateful, op.

I wasn't a perfect person, but I wasn't horrible, cruel, a bully and didn't deserve their treatment of me.

And what's worse is, they felt they couldn't just say 'mumofone, this is our issue, we don't want you in our lives anymore' for 'fear of my reaction' but didn't fear my reaction to their bullying??

The decision has been made for you and this is the last time you need to see her or any of that group.

Take your baby and make a vow to cut these people off. Change your number etc and don't even bother engaging.

Even if you explain what happened, they will treat you like you're crazy. Leave it and move on.

Sorry for the long post, I've just been there and I can say that although I'm still alone, i feel okay. Not 100% but better and I know i made the right choice. ❤️☀️

She does not sound very nice.