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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU – For wanting to break up with my 23 year old partner because he sleeps with a stuffed animal?

265 replies

DeliciousDonuts · 08/01/2025 14:27

For context, we are both 23 years old, and this is my first ever serious relationship. I will be honest, I am a bit naive when it comes to romantic relationships, I’ve never really had the chance to date much and I don’t know what a “good” partner/guy looks like? If that makes any sense? My Dad is a pile of dirt who cheats like no tomorrow, and the few friends I’ve got, have gotten unlucky with men of our age so far.

I’ll just cut straight to the chase, my current boyfriend has this massive 15 (20?) foot long stuffed dragon that he sleeps with every night that I am not there. Its like one of those serpent dragons that you’d see in Chinese or Japanese folklore. He hugs it, works on it to add details, hand washes it etc.

I’m just really struggling to understand why a 23-year old guy would need this? Its not like this stuffed animal is a childhood toy either, he literally builds a new one every year just “for the fun of it”.

It makes even less sense, because he just seems so… “normal” otherwise? He’s not coping with trauma, his family is so loving, he’s emotionally intelligent, very confident in his own skin (to the point of openly discussing the damn thing with his friends on occasion.)

Am I just… overthinking things here? Trying to find something wrong with him when there isn’t anything wrong at all? My gut tells me there is something wrong about this situation, but I’d really appreciate some other perspectives on this.

I do want to point out that he’s not without redeeming qualities though. He drives me to work at 5-6am most days even though he starts at 9am. Prioritises spending time with me above his friends, wants to play and watch games/shows that I like (even though I know he hates them), listens to me, holds hands etc. Things I’d expect most men to do regardless.

Don’t get me wrong, I do love him, he's been an amazing first boyfriend (especially looks wise, he’s like an asian Robert Pattinson.) But I cannot ignore my feelings about his stuffed animal, I would be lying if I said it didn’t bother me at all. I’ve tried talking to him about it, but he’s adamant about having one for the foreseeable future.

As I said before, I’m not very experienced in dating or men, and would appreciate any perspectives you can all give on the matter. Am I being reasonable in considering breaking up? Is it a bit of a mixed bag? Perhaps not?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
AlmostAJillSandwich · 09/01/2025 03:25

I want the dragon.....

NattyTurtle59 · 09/01/2025 03:20

I'm 65 and I sleep with a (small) Barney, and have done so for around 18 years. It belonged to my last dog and has the top of his head missing (chewed off by said dog). Honestly OP, there are a lot worse things your partner could be doing, and he actually sounds lovely.

TheyCantBurnUsAll · 09/01/2025 01:33

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/01/2025 14:43

You can dump someone for any reason at all. You are allowed in all circumstances. People, particularly women are told to give a reason. Nope. The reason can be, 'I don't like your face' if you want. Two people start a relationship, one person leaves. You don't need the other person to agree you're allowed.

However, He drives me to work at 5-6am most days even though he starts at 9am. Prioritises spending time with me above his friends, wants to play and watch games/shows that I like (even though I know he hates them), listens to me, holds hands etc. Things I’d expect most men to do regardless.

Good luck if you think most men are emotionally intelligent, confident and will get up at 4.30am to drive you to work when they don't have to. He sounds like a gem. He may not be the gem for you, and that's OK, but his dragon is fine.

^ this.

You can leave a relationship for whatever reason and not have to justify it.

Personally if that was the only thing about an otherwise good man I would get over it. You said yourself your friends have had bad experiences. There are a lot of shit men out there!

But there are other good men out there who don't sleep with massive dragons maybe he's just not right for you

bridgetreilly · 09/01/2025 01:06

I think he sounds adorable.

JustSawJohnny · 09/01/2025 01:01

DeliciousDonuts · 09/01/2025 00:18

Hi all! Thank you for your honest opinions about the matter. Sorry I didn't get back to you all sooner, I've never posted on Mumsnet before, and didn't know it was this active. I genuinely didn't expect more than like 10-15 replies at best, but goodness over 200 now!?

I've read all of your comments thus far, and now I just feel incredibly horrible about myself. I really thought the consensus would be in my favour, as I really think the stuffed animal is a childish thing that a grown adult shouldn't have. I'd be lying to you all if I said otherwise, this is just how I feel.

The fact that the results of the poll are 90%??? Is really rattling my cage. I didn't expect almost everyone to call me out for being inconsiderate/unreasonable. I really, really thought everyone was going to agree with me on this.

Don't ask me why I thought this... I really couldn't give you a good answer other than just men shouldn't. I know that's probably going to get me flamed, I know it's not the best reason, but I am trying to be as honest as I can be here.

A common question appears to be the size of it, it's not a thick stuffed animal, it's just long. Like a snake. It wraps around him in bed. The head usually rests next to his, while the body of it just encircles his frame head to toe (he's 5'11 for reference.)

I'm sorry if most of this post comes across as a vent (it kinda is...) I cannot express how ashamed I feel getting this metaphorical kick in the butt from 90% of you. Thanks all for giving me a bit of a reality check, it's going to be hard for me to just suddenly ignore or accept the stuffed animal, but ill try.

Don't beat yourself up. Mumsnet is fantastic for head wobbles but nobody wants you to feel bad.

It's good that you are hearing the message, not being defensive and accepting that you got it wrong. A lot of people who are in decades long relationships can't , or won't, do that.

A little conversation and compromise might help you to get past this, I think. It's OK to be honest that the snake thing creeps you out. He probably secretly hates the fact that you chew your hair or pick your nails or talk too much when you're tired or something. It's good to get that stuff out or it can fester.

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/01/2025 01:01

TunipTheVegimal24 · 09/01/2025 00:35

You don't need to feel upset OP - you haven't done anything unkind or upsetting! You've just asked a question. Nothing wrong with that, and if you're unsure about something then actually it's better to sound it out, rather than potentially ignore something.

Also, even if 90% of people would be fine with the dragon (myself included), it's still perfectly fine if you aren't. You don't have to stay with him if this gives you the ick, just because others would, if you did decide not to. Don't be hard on yourself x

This OP.

It's all good. You can do whatever.

But do look at the 'men shouldn't' thing. Often the things we are told should be attractive in men, are not pro-social and fun to be around one term!

SnowFrogJelly · 09/01/2025 00:55

🤭

Thegoatliesdownonbroadway · 09/01/2025 00:42

I have got a toy rat, who I call Ratmaninov

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/01/2025 00:42

Well done for coming back @DeliciousDonuts

So he only sleeps with it when you aren't there ?

Solution

Move in together

As quite frankly he sounds perfect

TunipTheVegimal24 · 09/01/2025 00:35

You don't need to feel upset OP - you haven't done anything unkind or upsetting! You've just asked a question. Nothing wrong with that, and if you're unsure about something then actually it's better to sound it out, rather than potentially ignore something.

Also, even if 90% of people would be fine with the dragon (myself included), it's still perfectly fine if you aren't. You don't have to stay with him if this gives you the ick, just because others would, if you did decide not to. Don't be hard on yourself x

Original poster
DeliciousDonuts · 09/01/2025 00:18

Hi all! Thank you for your honest opinions about the matter. Sorry I didn't get back to you all sooner, I've never posted on Mumsnet before, and didn't know it was this active. I genuinely didn't expect more than like 10-15 replies at best, but goodness over 200 now!?

I've read all of your comments thus far, and now I just feel incredibly horrible about myself. I really thought the consensus would be in my favour, as I really think the stuffed animal is a childish thing that a grown adult shouldn't have. I'd be lying to you all if I said otherwise, this is just how I feel.

The fact that the results of the poll are 90%??? Is really rattling my cage. I didn't expect almost everyone to call me out for being inconsiderate/unreasonable. I really, really thought everyone was going to agree with me on this.

Don't ask me why I thought this... I really couldn't give you a good answer other than just men shouldn't. I know that's probably going to get me flamed, I know it's not the best reason, but I am trying to be as honest as I can be here.

A common question appears to be the size of it, it's not a thick stuffed animal, it's just long. Like a snake. It wraps around him in bed. The head usually rests next to his, while the body of it just encircles his frame head to toe (he's 5'11 for reference.)

I'm sorry if most of this post comes across as a vent (it kinda is...) I cannot express how ashamed I feel getting this metaphorical kick in the butt from 90% of you. Thanks all for giving me a bit of a reality check, it's going to be hard for me to just suddenly ignore or accept the stuffed animal, but ill try.

OP posts:
vodkaredbullgirl · 08/01/2025 23:29

The OP dump and run dump and run 😆

Ariana Grande Singing GIF by The Voice
TheoriginalMrsDarcy · 08/01/2025 22:59

I'd rather he slept with a stuffed dragon than cheating on me with a real person.

Other than sleeping with the stuffed dragon, he seems to have lots of other excellent qualities. No chance would my husband get up at that time to take me to work. He's say drive yourself or take a taxi.

If he's got no other unusual qualities, he could be a keeper. Trust me, the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

Onelifeonly · 08/01/2025 22:56

You don't sound like a real person OP, but maybe because this is a wind up. If you loved him as you say you do, you'd think it was a cute idiosyncrasy. If he took it with him everywhere, I could understand your reservations but to have in bed at home??

Idontjetwashthefucker · 08/01/2025 22:49

OP hasn't been back then...weird.

PS how do you build a soft toy?

StMarie4me · 08/01/2025 22:29

Apillthatmakesyousayalltherightstuff · 08/01/2025 18:08

Lovely though this tale is, I can't help but be reminded of a Greg Davies story I read recently about a large homemade teddy... 😬

🤣🤣🤣

Barney16 · 08/01/2025 22:20

This is making me laugh so much. He sounds absolutely lovely tbh. I'm struggling to picture a twenty foot dragon stuffed toy but presume, due to it's magical dragon powers it makes itself smaller when required. Look, if he isn't doing peculiar sexual things with it, and gallantly removed it when you are there I don't think you have anything to worry about. Think of it as a custom made support pillow.

Ladamesansmerci · 08/01/2025 22:17

Well that's adorable.

I'm 31 and have an entire plush collection. I rotate through them so they take it in turns at night so no one feels left out 🙈

gamerchick · 08/01/2025 22:14

20 foot long? Hmm

Branleuse · 08/01/2025 22:10

He makes these dragons from scratch and adds things and embellishes them?
He doesnt just 'have' a stuffed toy. Hes creating intricate fabric dragons?

Sounds like he does loads for you, and he has this hobby which makes him happy.

I think its ok for people to like the things they like. It isnt harming anyone.
If it gives you the ick then that's up to you, but i dont think there's anything wrong with it, and tbh, most people have their quirks

StarCourt · 08/01/2025 22:02

They're a thing on Etsy

AIBU – For wanting to break up with my 23 year old partner because he sleeps with a stuffed animal?
AIBU – For wanting to break up with my 23 year old partner because he sleeps with a stuffed animal?
StarCourt · 08/01/2025 21:58

Op is this him?

AIBU – For wanting to break up with my 23 year old partner because he sleeps with a stuffed animal?
Sevenwondersofthewoo · 08/01/2025 20:52

As an aside of this thread some of the comments have made me smile with you having your comforters and teddies love it.

Zanatdy · 08/01/2025 19:22

If you dump him because of this minor issue when he has many redeeming features and good qualities then you’d probably regret it one day. Probably the day you realise your next bf might not sleep with a cuddly toy but has many negatives.

My DD has a Simba stuffed toy that she has had since she was 5. She is almost 17 and wherever she goes overnight, Simba goes too. I guess it’s just comforting for her, and I don’t see anything wrong with that.

Carouselfish · 08/01/2025 19:18

If it was a childhood toy, fair enough. It does sound like he is a bit tooo invested in it perhaps.
I could overlook it though if he was otherwise normal and lovely (and looks fine by the sound of it).